How Many Friends Do You Have

How many do you need

In today’s world the more “connected” we are (online), the lonelier people actually are. Friendship is something everyone takes for granted as children.

Growing up, I remember simpler times. Playing outside with kids in the neighborhood. Having so much fun riding your bike till it was pitch black. Not a care in the world. Pickup basketball games. Kickball. Football. Laughing nonstop.

I remember having tons of friends. Then we all start growing into ourselves. Different tastes and hobbies. Different styles of dress. Unique personalities.

Then we all get to high school. Cliques start forming (or were already formed years ago). When I was in high school in the 90s there were no cell phones. There were, but they were the cement block type that weighed 10 lbs.

Fast forward to today

Everyone has a smartphone. Everyone is “so connected” …texting…. Commenting on someone’s post. Looking at someone’s vacation pics on Instagram.

So why do more people feel lonely? Why do so many people not have friends? What about those social media “friends” …. thousands of them.

Loneliness epidemic

Earlier this year, NPR reported that America has a loneliness epidemic. According to the article, lacking connection is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes per day when it comes to the risk for premature death.

People usually go from many friends to very few friends. That’s a pretty typical trajectory for most people as they get older. People move to other cities. Other states. Other countries. People lose touch. Marriage. Kids. People grow apart. Politics recently has destroyed lots of friendships.

How many friends do you need?

Having friends is important. A good friend can make life much more enjoyable and tolerable. You don’t need 50. You don’t need 100. With age, you start to realize who has your back. Who is a fair-weather friend? Who is a “frenemy”.

According to a recent NYT article, the sweet spot is around 3 to 6 friends. I personally have about 3 very close friends, so the math checks out. Over the years I started to figure out who were acquaintances and who were true friends. I also outgrew several friends over the years.

I went through my phone a few years ago and deleted hundreds of pointless contacts. It was like a huge weight being lifted. Closing different chapters of my life every time I hit delete.

Final thoughts

In today’s increasingly competitive and selfish world, having real friends is a must. To have good friends, you have to be a good friend. You can’t always wait for someone to reach out to you. You should text or call first. Remember birthdays. Wish friends a Happy Birthday.