How Living In France Made Me Realize How American I Was
A student holds a textbook with the word “Français” boldly written across the cover. She leafs through the first pages to find herself transported into a life of cobbled passages, elegance, and savoir-faire. From the very first moment I turned those pages, I’ve dreamed of following the textbook’s world that first enchanted me. Years of constantly imagining living abroad flew by. Miraculously, I’m somehow finally living in France, the country I set my heart on so many years ago. Each day is spent investigating life’s contrast here as compared to home. It’s challenging, but I long to belong. Even so, some of my American habits and mindsets insist on staying and accompanying me. I’m not sure I’ll ever lose them!
Desire to start up small talk with strangers
When I moved to France, I was surprised how little small talk there is in my newly adopted country. In the U.S, people welcome small talk with open arms. Even mundane topics can be seen as amusing or as an opportunity to chat. People feel comfortable sharing their thoughts with others and they enjoy doing so! For example, at the grocery store checkout, I could say to someone, “It’s nice outside. I’m so glad Spring is on it’s way!” and the next minute we’re discussing intimate topics. I learn how someones struggling with a sick relative in the hospital or how she’s buying peanut brittle to celebrate a friend. Innermost beliefs and anecdotes are shared in the most unpredictable places in the U.S. This is a daily occurence.
In France, it’s more courteous to give people their space. When I first arrived, I wanted to talk to everyone and anyone I could. I attempted integrating into the culture by leading with my curiosity and questions. Despite my many attemps, inviting people to open up by mentioning the ongoing pickle sale in aisle 8 doesn’t work the same way in France. In the U.S., that would be a friendly invation to converse. Still, no matter how hard I tried, loneliness loitered my life those first days after moving to France. Now, I try to give people much more space. However, I can’t help but light up with eagerness when a stranger approaches me and I recognize an opportunity to connect.
My Enthusiasm
My enthusiasm is viewed as quirky in France. After receiving feedback from my French friends, I’m realizing how strange it is here. The first instance happened during an evening drinking cidre and nibbling on rich cheeses. A man told me how he and his family travel to Italy every summer. Of course, to my American mind, this piece of information feels grandious, glamourous, and rather lavish! My response contained lots of words like wow, and that’s wonderful. His head, like a puppy hearing an unfamiliar sound for the first time, inquisitively turned to one side as I shared my excitement. A moment of silence filled the air after I finished talking. He then said, “Je vois que tu es Americaine avec tous tes wows” (I see that you’re American with how many things wow you.) I’ve been told that sometimes, in France, American’s enthusiasm can be seen as fake. I find French people’s nonchalent and cool air to be so mysterious. Yet, no matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to fake it. Being mysterious isn’t my forte. Americans express their enthusiasm about everything! I’ts our value. It’s who we are. We like to gush over things with friends, acquaintances, and yes, even sometimes strangers!
For a long time, I almost wanted to be French. I romantisized the idea of leaving my American personality behind in Chicago to wear a new persona. Unfortunately, it simply doesn’t work like this! There is so much I’ve thankfully and eagerly learned in France. There are also parts of my personality and culture that let me know they’d like to stay too. I love the elegance, eloquance, and sophistication you find in France. When I feel misunderstood for my American quirks, I tell myself there’s got to be people out there who appreciate me for who I am. I know because our differences in culture, personality, and quirks are what make life so beautiful!
