THANK YOU NOTES 36
How Light Shatters the Chaos When You Simply Focus on the Peace
Ripples of Peace that Carry You Each Day
The year began in chaos and ended in a bit of chaos. In the beginning, there was no light. It all seemed dark — a darkness that surrounded me with no sight of light at the end of the tunnel. It’s in those times that I have learned to focus on the peace.
It started with COVID, then shutting down our business, packing to move, moving across the country, unpacking, and starting over.
In the perfect storm, boxes surrounding me, I stopped to look out the window. This was something I had wished for — moving back to a city where my family lives. Taking a breath, I noticed the sea of boxes seemed to fade away, as I simply focused on the more important things in life.
We decided to throw a little fun in the chaos and opted to camp across the country. As we pulled out of Los Angeles, my husband and I both felt the rumblings of chaos fall away like boulders tumbling down a mountain.
The peace rippled over us like a nice warm shower, but it wasn’t until we made it to Houston, Texas, that I suddenly felt a deep inner peace rise inside me, as I watched my husband light a fire. Sitting in the coolness of early March, watching the fire dance in front of me, I looked up at the sky, noticing the sprinkle of stars.
And then it hit me. It was one moment in a vast sea of other chaotic moments of life. That night, as I pulled my sleeping bag around my neck and snuggled with my dog, I whispered a thank you for all the things I am grateful for. As I settled into sleep, I became aware of the light that shattered the chaos. And the peace rose from my toes, traveling up my body, like pulling up a warm blanket on a cold night.
We finally made it to our new home, mid-March. Moving in was as chaotic as moving out. If you’ve moved, you know how stressful it can be — packing, getting the truck, hiring movers, and unpacking.
The rest of the year has been a lot of huge sighs of relief. Some of it has come in practical ways, and some have come in quiet moments of silence. Other sighs of joy have come as I sit at my desk in its new space, leaning back in my chair to stare out at my tree.
I call it my tree because it sits in front of our huge window. And although it sits on public property, I see it every day, and my heart bows in gratitude for the welcome of nature when I write.
The year is inching to a close, and the chaos is not quite over, but then …. is it ever? So, I sip my tea, write my words, offer thanks for the gifts given to me each day.
There is a sweet beauty in the gift of my life:
I am thankful …for my sweet ESA dog because it means I have a gift to soothe my anxiety
…the taxes to pay because it means I am employed
…clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat
…the loud cannon noises that scare away the crows because it means I can hear
…the parking spot a distance away because it means I can walk
…loud family gatherings because it means I have family who welcomes me
…uncertainties of the future because it means I have options
…too many books for my bookshelves because it means I had extra money to nurture my passion of reading
…unfulfilled wishes because it means I have something to look forward to
…frustrations of my limitations because it gives me opportunities for improvement
…making mistakes because I learn valuable lessons
Our new home sits in a neighborhood entitled a village. At night, the lights wrapped around each tree light up. When I look out my big window, I think it’s Christmas season every day of the year.
Although the chaos swooshes around me, my new life as a full-time freelance writer and editor is a dream come true — something I have waited for many years to come.
There is a considerable gift in returning to a craft that began when I was a young girl. So many years passed when writing became a shelved “hobby.” Occasionally, I would peek at it and say hello, but it always remained a distance away.
There are days when I pinch myself. Having a flexible schedule and working towards something I am solely responsible for is the peace in my 2021. There is something lovely about waking when my body tells me, easing into my day with a hot cup of tea and the quiet of meditation. I know many people in the world do not have this luxury. I am fully aware of that, and I recognize the privilege.
For the first time in 17 years, I spent a holiday with my family. On Thanksgiving Day, I remember a quiet moment among the small gathering where I looked around the room and smiled because I was with my family. I peeked a quick second at each person, thankful to be present in that moment.
No matter how difficult family can be, nothing else mattered. I was thankful for the gift of holding a full plate of food, staring at people who have known me my whole life.
I also reflected on my lack of privilege as a biracial Korean female. If I flip it on its head, seeing light shatter the dark, it means I enjoy being part of two cultures. There has been healing in understanding how intricately beautiful it is to be of two cultures and not think I am the monster that some have made me out to be.
As I close this year, I reflect on how important it is to fully understand the grace of dancing in the rain of chaos, allowing the light to shatter the chaos. There is still some grieving that needs tending, but I turn to my gratitude. It draws me in, wrapping me in a warm hug.
Thank you 2021 for giving me health, love, and more self-awareness. Thank you for your continued wisdom, which I don’t take for granted. I hope wisdom will always be with me, surrounding me as I move throughout life. It can hold a door open to possibility or slammed shut for protection.
As I look forward to 2022, may wisdom pave the steps I take, and love always be at the forefront of my heart.
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