Summary

The author describes a personal journey of learning to trust in a higher power, which led to unexpected positive changes after surrendering control over life's challenges.

Abstract

The author begins with a reflection on their strong-willed nature, mistaking self-reliance for faith, and details the struggle to save a failing marriage through various means. A turning point occurs when the author prays for guidance rather than a specific outcome, marking a shift from ego to genuine faith. This act of surrender leads to an ease in the author's burden, followed by a series of serendipitous events that result in finding a new home for themselves and their two teenage daughters. The narrative emphasizes the transformative power of relinquishing control to a higher power, allowing for blessings to flow and reducing the desire to micromanage life. The author concludes with a newfound perspective on embracing the unknown and trusting in the process, leading to reduced anxiety and a happier life.

Opinions

The author initially confused their strong will and self-reliance with faith in a higher power.
Despite efforts to save their marriage, the author faced continuous challenges, leading to a realization that their approach was rooted in ego, not faith.
A genuine prayer for divine guidance rather than a specific outcome marked the beginning of true surrender to a higher power.
The act of letting go was followed by unexpected help from a co-worker, which led to finding a new place to live against all odds.
The author believes that their attempts to control life's outcomes were actually hindrances to receiving blessings.
Trusting in a higher power is seen as a way to navigate life's uncertainties with less stress and more joy.
The author now embraces the unknown, recognizing that sometimes the best outcomes are not those we plan for ourselves.
Surrendering to a higher authority is presented as a method to manage reactions to life's events, which can alleviate anxiety, stress, and depression.

How Learning to Trust a Higher Power Was More Complicated Than I Thought

Embracing a force bigger than the imagination requires more than a leap of faith.

Photo provided courtesy of CS Photography

Before I get started: Although I believe in one God, I recognize my belief is not everyone’s and I will not pretend to know it all. For purposes here I will reference God/universe to reflect varying beliefs in a higher power.

I have always been a strong-willed person. I often found pride in myself in my ability to fight my way through any obstacle. I honestly believed God made me this way for a reason, and that reason was so I could take care of whatever was needed.

I didn’t need him. He made me this way, after all.

Now I realize that wasn’t faith; it was ego. I faced challenges just like everyone else throughout my life, and I thought I was doing a pretty good job handling them.

Then my world fell apart. I fought a losing battle for my marriage for months because I thought that was what I was supposed to do.

Life was harder than it had ever been before. I tried everything, counseling, marriage courses, you name it, I tried it. I became a chameleon to be what my husband wanted.

Nothing worked.

After a particularly traumatic day with my then-husband, I went to bed and got down on my knees, and prayed out loud. I prayed differently than I ever prayed before.

I was no longer praying for my marriage.

I prayed for him to show me the path he wanted for me.

I prayed for him to open my eyes to his truth for my life and if it was His will, I trusted He would see me through it.

I finally let go.

God/the universe knows what we don’t

After many sleepless nights prior, I went to sleep that night and finally found rest. My mind was free of worry and planning. I was done trying to figure it all out on my own.

The following day I went up to a co-worker who was also a friend and said, “I need to find a place to live.” Now I am not sure where those words came from as I hadn’t planned to do this. It wasn’t even something I was consciously thinking.

Finding a place was no small task. I had two teenage daughters, three dogs, two rabbits, no savings, and very little income.

She looked me in the eye and said, “I know just the place.”

To say I was shocked was an understatement. I was convinced I would be begging family to take us in.

Two months later, a group of family and friends equipped with mops, paintbrushes, and moving trucks showed up. We moved into a cute bungalow with a fireplace, fenced-in yard, and garage in a nice neighborhood and a good school district. Honestly, it was nicer than the family home we left behind.

I was blown away.

The role of faith/universe in our lives

That night when I honestly let go and turned my problems over to God/the universe, something changed in me and my life.

I finally realized my desire for control was actually blocking my blessings.

I thought I knew it all. I was relying on my own understanding of the situation and doing things the way “I” thought they should be done.

But God/the universe had other plans for my life, and I was getting in the way.

I allowed the path to be laid straight before me when I let go. Gone were the roadblocks and potholes I was so accustomed to facing.

We are not to micromanage life. We all have obligations and decisions to make every day, and sometimes, something comes along beyond our comprehension. We are limited by what we know and see.

How do we know what to do if we don’t have all the information? The good news is we can not make determinations about the unknown, and fortunately, there will always be something new and unforeseen each day. But God/the universe sees this and knows what we don’t.

The power lies in how we choose to react. When we surrender to a higher authority, we stop always trying to control outcomes and instead transition to managing our reactions. This can reduce anxiety, stress, and depression.

I no longer have the desire to manage every situation. I recognize some things are beyond my control for a reason, and I have to trust the process. I understand that it is for a good cause when things work out differently than I anticipate. Sometimes that reason is staring me right in the face, and other times it may take a while to see the whole picture.

The ability to embrace the unknown and take joy in it takes practice and an awareness of our reactions. When I took a step back and realized what blessings I did have, the struggles seemed insignificant. So many times, I had faced an unknown future and felt like there was no way things would work out. But in hindsight, I can see how many things did work out for my good. Not necessarily the way I would have chosen, but the best way possible.

I now understand that I do not have to understand. And that makes me a much happier person.