avatarAlison

Summary

The article discusses the importance and challenges of enjoying leisure time without guilt or the compulsion to be productive.

Abstract

The author of the article shares a personal struggle with learning to enjoy doing 'absolutely nothing'—a state defined as refraining from chores, deadlines, and activities driven by a sense of obligation. Despite recognizing the value of relaxation and contentment, the author often battled an internal voice criticizing their inactivity. Influenced by societal expectations and the fast pace of modern life, these feelings of guilt are common and exacerbated by social media comparisons. The article suggests embracing the Danish concept of 'Niksen', which promotes aimless activities without purpose, as a means to combat stress and recover from burnout. The author also offers personal strategies for overcoming the guilt associated with downtime, including positive self-talk, mindfulness, music, limiting phone use, and reflecting on the wisdom of elders who found contentment in simple pleasures without guilt.

Opinions

  • The author admires those who can truly relax without feeling guilty, acknowledging their own lifelong struggle to enjoy unproductive time.
  • There's a belief that our era's fast pace and constant exposure to others' lives through social media contribute to feelings of inadequacy and a compulsion to always 'do' something.
  • The author suggests that past generations did not suffer from the same sense of needing to be constantly busy or productive in their downtime.
  • Social media is seen as amplifying the problem by causing people to compare their quiet days with others' seemingly more exciting or productive experiences.
  • The concept of 'Niksen' is presented as a healthy approach to managing stress and recovering from burnout, emphasizing activities without a specific purpose.
  • The author shares personal insights into how they started to feel less guilty about doing nothing, such as practicing positive self-talk and mindfulness exercises.

How I’ve Learnt to Enjoy doing Absolutely Nothing

And you should, too

Photo by Drew Coffman on Unsplash

Raise your hand if you can remember the last time you spent a day doing absolutely Nothing. When I say Nothing, I don’t mean to take that completely literally, as obviously, we all need to pee and eat from time to time. I mean the absolute bare minimum: no chores, no rushing around, no deadlines to meet. Maybe spending the day listening to music, reading your favourite book and staying in your tracksuit. For those with kids, just letting them get on with enjoying the day, without any set plans. I imagine, with the year we’ve had so far, this may apply to a few of you.

Now, raise your hand if you’ve done the above, and throughout the day felt truly relaxed and content. Feeling grateful that in this busy world we live in, today you’re not rushed off your feet, leaving the chores just for today, knowing that they will still be there tomorrow. Enjoying the day and simply surrendering to just relaxing. Without a fleeting thought as to what you could be doing or should be doing with your time. Truthfully?

For those who can say yes, I truly admire you, as this is something that I’ve struggled with all my life. I’ve beat myself up many a time for not being productive, and not surrendering to just ‘Being’

Why is this so difficult to do?

To give a bit of background, for thirteen long years I have worked in the city as a broker, with tight deadlines, back to back meetings and most days not having any time to relax. When I’d make my daily phone call to my retired parents who were otherwise sociable people, depending on the time, they had sometimes not even got out of bed. About once a week when asking my Dad what his plans were, he would say he was still in his dressing-gown reading the newspaper and listening to Van Morrison. That was sometimes at 1 pm on Tuesday.

I’d laugh but also say, “Come on, get out of that dressing gown and get going, the day will disappear before you know it! Haven’t you got any jobs to do?” He didn’t have work to focus on and I’d sometimes worry that he wasn’t fully enjoying life. But he’d always assure me that he was. In fact, he was one of the most content people I knew.

For me, when the weekend would finally come after the week-long countdown, I’d be feeling so burnt out from work that I wanted to knock back five tequilas, cram in socialising with friends, or on very odd occasions I’d want to take a step back from life and do Nothing.

On these days, I would feel a great first thing. It would start with a nice lay-in and a coffee, knowing there was no pressure, no deadlines, just me myself and I with a blanket and a movie to watch.

But as the day progressed and the hours would pass, this annoying, niggling voice would be in my head starting off with things like, “Don’t you need to sort your wardrobe or put on a wash?” but then slowly get more harsh, telling me I was a full-blown slob.

I’d eventually get up, scan around the house and find the first job that sprung to mind. This would give me a little satisfaction and fill me with some purpose, but it would be short-lived and I’d still hear that niggling voice.

To distract me, I’d reach for the phone for a quick scroll on social media. The feeling got worse. I’d see people with their kids all wearing matching outfits and baking cakes, people reaching their personal best in their 20k run, and others glammed up about to have an unlimited prosecco lunch. All whilst I was sitting there looking like a female version of Alan from the Hangover.

No matter how many chores I forced myself to do, that day, nothing would make me feel satisfied or content. I began counting down the hours for my other half to come home.

After this repeatedly happened, I finally realised the following:

  • I didn’t enjoy my own company as much as I thought I did
  • I made endless comparisons to what everyone else was doing
  • I needed to “do something” to feel like I had a sense of purpose

I cannot shift the blame here, but I do think this has something to do with the era we are living in, it’s incredibly fast-paced, we are exposed to everything, and a lot of us no longer keep things hidden. We share our lives online and in two clicks we can see what our third cousin has had for dinner. And when that dinner is better than our homemade spaghetti bolognese, it makes us feel crap. As President Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy”. If we compare ourselves to others, we are sometimes left with feelings of inferiority or superiority — neither of which make us feel good.

A few generations back, I’m sure on a Sunday after a hard weeks’ work they did not feel this sense of angst, as if they were not doing enough, not busy enough or not ‘being’ enough. They would simply eat, read, sit back in their armchair and take a nap if they fancied it, with zero guilt.

And it’s not just our grandparents who didn’t feel guilty about doing Nothing. There is a Danish word called ‘Niksen’ meaning exactly this. This is described here as “hanging around, looking at surroundings, specifically anything without purpose”. It has been proven to manage stress or recover from burnout. Whereas doing Nothing seems to be the one thing that some of us have come to enjoy the least.

Now I know too much of doing Nothing is not beneficial to anybody, but I think, now that our lives are busier than ever, we should definitely not feel guilty, make comparisons, or give ourselves a hard time. If we can get to grips with enjoying doing nothing, I’m sure the world would be a happier place.

These are the small, very simple steps I took to start feeling not guilty about doing Nothing:

  • Positive self-talk, after all, our inner voice is powerful, and I needed to stop telling myself over and over again I was a slob on days like this. I told myself I deserved this relaxation time
  • Practising living in the moment, stripping it all back to simple breathing techniques. At first, this seemed very alien but after a while, it began to relax me. More on this here
  • Listening to music. It can change your mood very quickly, whether it is current, or an oldie, making you feel nostalgic about childhood
  • Putting my phone on aeroplane mode, or if that’s a little drastic, a ban on Instagram scrolling for that entire day
  • If the phone is on, messages could wait at least until that evening

And finally, above all, coming to realise that my Dad was maybe onto something all along.

Self Help
Life
Positive Thinking
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