RELATIONSHIPS/POWER OF PRAYER/BEST FRIENDS/MISTAKES WE MAKE/ANXIETY

How It Actually Took a Miracle to Right the Damage My Selfishness Caused

I destroyed a relationship I needed more than I realized

As I drove away into the dark, the flood gates burst, and immediately I started sobbing uncontrollably. All the pent-up emotions I had been holding in for so long came crashing out.

That night I chose to close the door on someone I loved when they needed me the most.

Many years ago, my dear friend was going through a difficult time. Her marriage was ending, and her life was upside down.

Our families did everything together. We raised our kids together, attended church together, had cookouts, went camping. We even lost loved ones together. She and I also worked together.

Our lives were intertwined at every point.

I always admired her. She has such a tender heart for everyone she meets. You know the type, the one who makes everyone feel important and appreciated. But she is also a strong individual, although she would say otherwise, with a fierce devotion to her family and faith.

But life had beat her down in the months preceding our split. Her mother, an amazing woman, and her best friend passed away from a tragic disease. She lost both grandparents, and her marriage broke up. She hit bottom and even attempted suicide.

During this time, she had come to rely on me a lot. I remember going black Friday shopping the first year after her mom died to help her continue a tradition she dearly loved. I wanted her to be happy and find her joy again and I, stupidly thought I could “fix” her pain.

We talked daily and sometimes hourly.

I was always there for her — till I was not. I am certainly not proud of my actions; I am ashamed of who I was and what I did.

For reasons unbeknownst to myself at the time, I could not take it anymore. It was my fault, and I allowed myself to become all consumed by my friend’s life. I was in too deep for her good and mine.

Then one day, after an incident involving our children, I was done.

I drew a line in the sand and allowed one moment in time to sever a once-in-a-lifetime friendship.

I drove away from her home that night, having destroyed a beautiful friendship.

But at the time, I was only thinking of myself. Our lives were so entangled, and I was feeling all consumed by everything. I felt like I had taken on too much, and I was emotionally exhausted.

But instead of reaching out to her and discussing things, I let it get too far, and I snapped.

Although we lived in a small community, we didn’t talk again for many years.

Our separate lives continued. Our children grew up; she remarried and moved to another state. I got divorced and remarried, and we both now enjoy grandchildren.

But something was missing.

Everyone who knows me knows I am no longer a regular church-going Christian, but I do know God has a place in my life. And sometimes, He surprises me in how he manages to make Himself known.

Some may not believe in a God and that is ok. Perhaps it was the universe speaking. But what ever it was, it was powerful.

For the past couple of years, I have been dabbling in my writing. Then last winter, I began praying about it and asked God, “If this is where you want me to go, please show me the path. “

I am not ashamed to admit I pray often, but I tend to offer prayers of thanks or blanket protection requests over those I love. But now and then, I ask for guidance.

Now, believe me when I tell you that he/the universe answers when I ask him to show me his will. It never fails. But hear me when I say, “I am asking Him to show his will to me.” Not my desires or my ideas but His.

The day after my prayer, my old friend came into my thoughts. In the past, we talked daily. But over these many years, we have rarely spoken.

I decided to mull the idea over, and I waited a few days before contacting her.

After all this time, what do I say? How do I approach her? And exactly why was I reaching out to her?

When I decided to contact her and break the ice, I texted her. We spoke about our kids and how life was going.

Over a few days, we shared some small talk, and I asked her about her photography. It is something she is passionate about, and thanks to the reach of Facebook, I knew she had started a photography business.

To make a long story short, she told me she had recently asked God for guidance concerning her photography and whether she should continue it. I want to say I was surprised, but I was not. I have seen the power of God’s reach in my life before, and I just took it as confirmation I was on the right path with my writing.

Through her grace and understanding, we picked up right where we left off.

Nine months later, we video chat weekly to catch up on life, kids, talk through our work challenges, help one another get over self-doubt, and share ideas and motivations to keep moving forward. We get together over dinner when she is in town, she came to my daughter’s wedding and I will be attending her daughter’s next summer. We also spend time all together with our now grown kids and grandkids.

We both were seeking and did not know it. But God/the universe did. We believed we both were looking for guidance on our professional lives and accountability.

What we did not know was that God/the universe had more in store for us. He used our personal goals to lead us back to one another and reunite two friends who need each other in their lives. He knew what we did not and used what we laid before Him to correct a wrong I had committed years before.

When we talk, it is as if time has not moved on, and we still laugh and cry together and share life’s joys and sorrows.

No one knows me as she does, and she is my rock when self-doubt loosens my footing.

I owe her so much. She has a heart bigger than anyone I know. How she has forgiven me, let alone have space for me in her life, I do not know. But I thank God every day that she does.

I did not realize how much I needed her and her forgiveness.

We all have hurt someone we care for, but take it from me; as long as you are breathing, it is not too late to make things right. People are amazing creatures capable of forgiving many things. Apologize, let them in and find healing for both of you.

Do not wait until it is too late.