How is the habit of being offended formed?

For ­simplicity of presentation, I will use the example of a girl: the same is true for boys.

Imagine ­a little girl (for example): she wants ice cream!

• She ­approaches her mother and asks for ice cream — she is refused.
• She ­starts crying — they refuse her.
• She ­begins to become hysterical — she is punished and/or forcibly taken out of the store.

And ­then she gets offended and after some time gets ice cream (most often from dad or grandma).

And ­then she understands inside herself: if you want to get what you want, you have to be offended. And if her mother also gets what she wants from her dad, then this is a behavior strategy already supported by external experience!

And if ­in childhood the offense is caused by this girl CONSCIOUSLY, then when she grows up, she will automatically be offended when she really wants something instead of asking, for example.

And ­when this girl grows up and gets married, instead of living happily with her husband and enjoying herself, she will be constantly offended (after all, her mother taught her this way with her behavior and her childhood experience suggests that this strategy is a winning one!)

What can ­be done?

The ­first thing you need to understand is that her grievances are most likely not related to her husband’s behavior, but she uses her husband’s behavior to justify her grievances (that is, cause and effect are confused: resentment is a cause, not an effect) .

Further ­, it is necessary to separate yourself from the offense — as if it were something external to her, that is, she is separate, but her offense is separate.

Next, you can thank the offense that it helped you in childhood, that you were able to adapt to your relationship with your parents (for example, with your mother, who constantly blamed you). And to see that now you no longer need the offense — say this to the offense and let it go.