Summary

The author discusses their struggle with imposter syndrome in various aspects of life, including as a husband/father, in their engineering career, and as a writer, while also highlighting personal truths that challenge these feelings of self-doubt.

Abstract

In the article "How I’m Learning to Beat Imposter Syndrome," the author shares a deeply personal journey of recognizing and overcoming self-doubt in multiple roles, such as being a husband, father, engineer, and writer. Despite accomplishments and personal growth, the author grapples with feelings of inadequacy, often focusing on shortcomings rather than successes. Through introspection and the support of his family, the author acknowledges the progress made, not only in his personal development but also in his professional achievements, such as engineering projects and success on the Medium platform. The article emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and the power of confronting one's inner critic to move forward.

Opinions

The author believes that overcoming imposter syndrome is crucial to unlocking their full potential.
They feel they are doing better in their personal life than they give themselves credit for, especially in their roles as a husband and father.
Regarding their career, the author recognizes a significant disparity between their actual capabilities as an engineer and how they perceive their own competence.
Despite having written extensively, the author still harbors doubts about their legitimacy as a writer, despite evidence of success and community engagement.
The author admits to being hard on themselves, often overlooking their achievements and focusing on their flaws.
They express a growing sense of confidence in their abilities, particularly in engineering and writing, and are optimistic about passing an upcoming engineering exam.
The author advocates for the importance of acknowledging one's truths to combat the feeling of being an imposter.

How I’m Learning to Beat Imposter Syndrome

Why my self-doubt is bogus

I’m doing more now that I ever have in my life. Writing, engineering, entrepreneurship, graduate school, and most importantly trying to raise two kids.

I’ve spent a lot of time recently trying to pinpoint exactly what is holding me back. Mental health struggles are clearly at the top of the list, and I’m taking better care of that than I have in years.

But what comes next after medication and therapy bring me up as far as possible?

Imposter syndrome seems to be one of the only clear answers. I tend to over analyze a lot. And although feeling like a fraud may not be at the top of the list, it’s a significant factor in unleashing my full potential.

Although, maybe I’m asking the wrong question. Is the right question not “what holds me back the most?” but instead, “what will move me forward the most?”

Either way, I know that my mental health is important enough that it needs a high amount of attention before I can reach my peak state, regardless of whether it’s a chemical imbalance or a massive feeling of inadequacy.

Here are just a few of the areas in my life that I feel imposter syndrome.

And, more importantly, the truths that are helping me break the shackles of it.

As a Husband and Father

I love my wife and kids with all my heart. Most days, however, I forget that. I see only the flaws in my efforts.

The anger and frustration. The dirty diapers I didn’t change. The times I could have let go of my phone to play with my kids.

I am selfish and mean. There are days that I wonder if I leaped into parenting too early.

The truth is that I am doing better than I think. I’m improving faster than I know. I love my wife and kids more deeply than my anger and frustration can ever reach.

The other day I surprised myself and started changing diapers without being asked. I helped my boy turn from being distraught to happiness in just a few minutes. I expressed gratitude to my wife for the strengths we have together.

I am doing better than I think.

In my career

After losing my job a month ago, I nearly pulled the plug on my engineering pursuits to become a full-time creator.

My career is the area of my life that I am experiencing the worst feelings of inadequacy right now.

And, ironically, the area in which my deficit of truth about how good I actually am is the largest.

Poor management at my previous company had me only seeing the mistakes I so often made. It was as if all my many accomplishments suddenly became hidden when I had a micromanaging boss breathing down my neck about every little error I made.

Every time I talk with another engineer, I fear I am coming from a place of lacking understanding. I’m afraid that I sound stupid all the time because of how little I know. I frequently doubt my abilities. I wonder if I will ever make it.

The truth is that I am so much better than I know.

I analyze attics for the additional weight of solar panels. And I’ve learned from doing at least 2,000 of them. I know all the In’s and outs of evaluating existing roofs for the placement of solar panels. I am dang good at it, too.

I have engineered at least 100 homes to safely withstand their own weight in addition to snow, wind, and earthquakes.

Last weekend I sat for 8 hours and worked 80 problems as practice. In one month I take the Principles and Practice of Engineering exam, and this was a full run through practice exam. When I pass, I will become a licensed engineer.

It would be easy to say that I might fail this test, but that is an unlikely event after all the hard work I’ve put into studying for it.

I am going to absolutely crush this exam, and I am confident of that.

I am a far better engineer than I think.

As a writer

After 8 months on Medium, it feels like I’m a newbie still. And really I am new here, but I’ve been writing for a long time.

I’ve written in journals, mostly recording life lessons, for over 15 years.

But that still doesn’t make me exempt from imposter syndrome as a writer. Even after making over $3,500 with the Medium Partner Program, I still often feel out of place.

I’m an engineer by day; I’m good with numbers. I don’t belong here. I’m not creative. I’m not consistent enough to get good. I’m too young at this. I’m not curated enough.

By now it’s just sounding pathetic.

The truth is that I’ve worked really hard here. I’ve been very vulnerable. I’ve taken big risks, even so far as talking about my desire to leave my day job. Maybe that’s why I was let go, but I’m not bothered about that anymore.

I have written over 200 articles. Each reads an average of 3 minutes, so that’s over 10 hours of reading time. I’ve written somewhere around 200,000 words in just 8 months of being here.

I’ve written an entire book on Medium.

And that’s not the only evidence that my fears of being a fraud are bogus. Writing here has connected me with new friends from all over the world. Helped me get my first freelancing gig.

My work on Medium has opened up doors that I never dreamed possible.

I am a writer. I belong here.

And so do you.