How I Went From Boring To Charismatic (And You Can Too)
It’s not just about personality and looks. Here are 3 tiny changes that instantly make you more likeable.
I’ve always been a shy kid, and my social circle was always small.
So, I’ve always wondered:
What makes those charismatic people different from me? Can I become more likeable, or will I always be the socially awkward one?
Turns out, there are ways to become more likeable. It’s not just about your personality or looks, but the small habits and tiny changes that you make.
Be Genuine
This is step one and by far the most important when it comes to becoming more likeable.
Don’t Fake It
I’ve found that I often try to be someone I’m not. I say I like all the songs they like, and nod my head to everything they say.
Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not.
People can sense when you’re not being genuine. After all, we’re social creatures, and we’ve developed to be able to read and analyse others’ behaviour.
Let’s say this new friend I met loves watching football, and I tell her I love football too, yet know absolutely nothing about the sport.
It would take a matter of minutes, a few questions, and boom! I’ve been uncovered as a ‘fraud’, and nobody wants to befriend a ‘fraud’.
In my attempt to connect with others, I’ve labelled myself as ‘fake’.
Smile
Let your smile reach your eyes, and do it more often.
Smiling is a universal sign of friendliness and warmth, so you can’t go wrong with it. Just, don’t fake it.
A fake smile is one we give when we are :
- Pretending to be happy
- Hiding other emotions
- Disinterested or preoccupied
It immediately turns people off. Even though you might not mean it, others might assume you’re uninterested or bored by them.
I’ve struggled with this, as giving a slight smile was my default response to a lot of what other people say.
A slight smile was how I showed I was listening, but it actually showed the opposite.
Now, I’ve started smiling to my eyes. This small change makes others’ impressions of me significantly better.
Listen
Not while doing some other work or with an earbud in one ear.
Show others that you are fully present and give them your full attention. Otherwise, you give the impression that:
- They aren’t worth your time
- The music you’re listening to/ work you’re doing is more important
- You don’t care
In the past, I’ve not been a very good listener.
When others were speaking, I would barge in with my thoughts and experiences. I didn't mean it, but it was quite rude.
Everyone has a story to tell, so let them finish it.
Now, I’ve learned to become a better listener by doing these few things:
- Lean towards them
- Look at them
- Nod and smile
- Withhold thoughts
These actions all show the other person that you truly want to listen to what they have to say and make them happy.
Instead of interrupting, I can tell them my thoughts or experiences after they’ve finished, or at an appropriate pause during the conversation.
Be Kind
It’s the universal language of love and care, something everyone appreciates.
The Small Gestures
Small gestures of kindness are enough to make anyone’s day:
- Giving them a compliment
- Hold the door open
- Let them in front of you
- Thank them for something nice they did
- Being polite
Everyone appreciates the small acts, and they’ll remember you for it!
Plus, these things don’t take much time, just a small effort to make others a tiny bit happier.
Respond To Others’ Success
When someone tells you of good news, like they got a promotion, or achieved some goal they’ve been working for, don’t dismiss it.
Generally, there are four possible responses to this:
- Supportive: “Congrats, I knew you could do it! You’ve put in a lot of hard work to achieve this.”
- Semi-supportive: “That’s great.”
- Dismissive: “Oh, that’s nothing much to be proud of.”
- Demeaning: “That’s not impressive at all. Look what I’ve achieved today, ha!”
Option 1 is the most supportive and friendly. It shows you’ve noticed how hard they’ve been working, and you’re genuinely happy for them. We all love to be affirmed like this!
Apologise
We all make mistakes, small and big. Making it a point to sincerely apologise to those who were affected is so important.
It lets people know you’re genuinely sorry, and you want to change and improve.
Saying sorry takes courage.
You have to admit you were wrong, which isn’t always easy. But it has to be done.
Be A Leader
Act like a leader would.
Include Everyone
If you’re in a group setting, invite the quieter people to voice their thoughts.
No one likes being left out of an interesting conversation, even if it was done unintentionally. I’ve been that person on many occasions, and it’s not a good feeling.
When someone asks me to share a thought, I feel included and happier. That person is also more likeable.
If someone gets cut off and the conversation starts moving on, cut in and say, “Hey, did you want to say something just now?”. That person will greatly appreciate that you remembered and encouraged them to continue.
Be Reliable
I’ve always hated it when someone agrees to do something, then cancels last minute, or forgets entirely. It wastes others’ time, and that’s not nice.
Keep your promises, at all costs.
If you agree to something, make sure you hold up your end of the bargain. Otherwise, you become untrustworthy and people start to avoid you.
Don’t Complain
Be the optimistic and cheery one, not the pessimistic complainer. Find the small things in life to be grateful for, and bring them up.
Instead of complaining about all the work you have to do, comment on how the project you’re working on is doing well.
Being around negative people is draining.
Chances are, everyone is facing similar struggles, and they don’t need to hear you complain about them too.
What most of us need is a light-hearted joke to brighten the day!
Final Thoughts
Likability isn’t inherent. It can be grown, and it makes life so much more enjoyable!
All the tips above can easily be implemented into daily life. I’ve found that they have made my social life more vibrant, and I’m enjoying spending time with others a lot more.
I hope you found this article insightful. Thanks for reading!
👉Subscribe here 👈, I publish interesting articles every week!
