How I Went from A Life of Fear to A Life of Joy Using A Simple Technique Anyone Can Apply

Yes, including you.

It was 2012. We were sitting in our CR-V in the Lucky supermarket parking lot. I was pregnant, and it was hot.

My window was cracked open.

A man walked up. He was asking for change. I yelled something at him — I don’t even know what it was. Something along the lines of, “NO! GO AWAY!” I remember feeling extremely uncomfortable. Scared.

And closing my window in his face.

“What was that!?” My wife asked in disbelief.

I wanted to cry.

Until that point, all my life I had been scared. Afraid of everything.

Afraid of walking down the street. Afraid of people walking towards me. Afraid of speaking my mind. Afraid of what people would think, or say. Afraid of ever being wrong.

Later, I’d tell you that up until then, on a scale of 1–10 when it came to fear, I was at an 11.

But at that point, I didn’t know that. I wasn’t aware of it because it was running my life.

Something interesting happened at that point in my life. I was in the midst of a course called the “90-Day Challenge” with Jim Bunch.

He had a company called “The Ultimate Game of Life.” His mother worked for him as a coach, and she used to joke that he couldn’t find a LONGER name (and url) for his company.

But it worked.

For 90 days, he took me and several other participants through a series of gamified goal-setting exercises.

He taught me how to uncover my values, how to create health, happiness and wealth goals…and most importantly, he taught me how to achieve them.

It’s thanks to Jim Bunch and his program that I can reach absolutely any goal I set for myself. It’s also thanks to him that I was introduced to the man who ultimately changed my life.

Right around the time of the man-asking-for-change incident, one of the other participants in the 90-day challenge mentioned a program to me that Bunch had recommended in the past.

It was a program that taught you how to dissolve limiting beliefs.

By that point in my 90-day journey, it was pretty clear to me that there were some “internal” things holding me back. I’d even been through a few coaching sessions where the coach took me through a belief-busting process.

What I remember most about those sessions is that they usually involved a phrase such as,

“But is that really true?”

The limiting belief program looked ancient. I was already a marketer back then, and their sales pages looked old and in need of an update.

But the words on the page spoke to me.

Somehow, I managed to sign up for an advanced course. At that time, it was called the “Occurrings” course because a large portion of the assignments involved looking at events in your life, and seeing what “occurred” to you during those events.

Today, that same course is called the “Lefkoe Freedom Course.”

Because it was my first experience with the company, they also gave me access to the preliminary (prerequisite) course, which took you through a series of common limiting beliefs, and helped you dissolve them.

Like that, in a matter of a few weeks (in preparation for the advanced course), I went through and dissolved 19 limiting beliefs, along with 4 “conditionings” — which create emotions through conditioning, without beliefs.

The effect on my life was massive and immediate.

Suddenly, I wasn’t afraid to fail.

Suddenly, I was okay speaking in front of people.

Suddenly, I wasn’t taking things personally.

Then, we got into the advanced course.

The training was relatively simple. It consisted of a series of techniques that all led to the same result: seeing how reality — and your “occurring” or interpretation of that reality were different things.

Every day, I was instructed to set an alarm on an hourly basis, while I was awake. When that alarm went off, I would think back over the last hour, and write down everything that happened, and everything that occurred to me, along with any emotions it brought up.

As we continued through the course, this became second nature. I’d feel an emotion bubble up. That would trigger an internal reminder to ask myself: “What just occurred to me?”

I’d figure out what I was thinking…see that it was different from reality…and that by itself would completely dissolve the emotion.

On the spot.

The first thing I noticed was that things didn’t scare me as much.

My son, at this point a baby, would do something and others around me would gasp in fear. I would watch to see the events unfold, and if I felt like a physical reaction was needed (like catching him before he fell), I’d act to ensure his safety — but it would happen with complete calm.

I’d walk down the street and the local schizophrenic homeless guy would be pushing his cart in my direction. I’d move over so as not to get in his way, but I didn’t feel paralyzed by fear like I had in the past.

And when it came to my network marketing business, I began to grow my team faster than I’d done in the past. If I felt any fear tugging at me in the process, I’d catch it and dissolve it. Just like that.

This process — this simple tool — changed my life completely.

Arguments with my wife became rare. She’d say something, and as soon as any emotion bubbled up, I’d pause and realize I’d just had an “occurring.”

In this way, it would immediately dissolve and we’d actually talk.

At this point, maybe you’re wondering how to use the Occurring Process. So I’ll give you the very basic version that you can start to practice.

Step 1: Notice when you have an emotion. Any emotion.

Step 2: Ask yourself, “what did I just tell myself?” Another way to say that is, “what just occurred to me?”

Step 3: Look at what you said to yourself…versus reality. What actually happened on the movie screen of your life?

Step 4: Realize that the event is different from your occurring.

That’s it, in a nutshell.

There are obviously different techniques for helping you separate reality from occurrings. Sometimes, emotions are so strong that it’s hard to do it just like that.

And sometimes, we like to think that our interpretation of an event (our occurring) is “the truth” because of how it made us feel.

But what you’ll see is, as you dissolve these occurrings, the emotions will go away right along with them.

Here’s a simple example, just to help you solidify this:

Event: your partner walks into the room where you’re sitting down reading a book. He does not acknowledge you. No “hi.” No wave. Nothing.

Feeling: suddenly, you feel angry!

Occurring: How dare he not say anything to me! I can’t believe he’s still holding our morning argument against me! I hate how he holds grudges…

Now, you look at the event, and you look at your interpretation.

We can even go back to the question my coach used to ask: “Is that really true?”

Is it really true that “he’s still holding a grudge?”

Or could it be that he simply didn’t see you?

Or that he’s being respectful by not interrupting your reading time?

So that’s it. Back in 2012, I was scared. ALL the time. Today, things are much different.

Sure, I have anxiety. I have fear. But the worst it gets is about a 3 out of 10.

I distinctly remember a walk I took once. I had my son in his stroller. He was probably two or three years old by then.

I’d just recovered from a bad cold where I’d had to use my asthma inhaler for over a week.

Out of nowhere, I took a deep, deep breath. I remember thinking, “WOW. I can breathe again. That felt amazing!”

Getting rid of fear in my life felt the same.

I didn’t realize how constrained I was before, but once I opened up…

Life became that much more beautiful.