Summary

The author describes a personal journey from being a "drama queen" to achieving emotional balance and calmness through self-reflection, acceptance, and practical techniques.

Abstract

The article titled "How I Went From a Complete Dramaqueen to a Calmer Self" is a reflective piece where the author shares their transformation from a person prone to overreaction and creating unnecessary drama to someone who has gained control over their emotions. The author admits to past behaviors such as picking fights and overreacting to minor issues, acknowledging the lack of emotional balance in their life, particularly during high school. The turning point came with the realization that their behavior was problematic, which was a difficult but necessary step towards personal growth. The author emphasizes the importance of not being too hard on oneself during self-improvement and outlines several tools and techniques that aided in their transformation, including the "three-minute rule," not taking things personally, accepting differences in people, reflecting on personal values, and finding methods to detach and decompress in stressful situations. The article concludes by reinforcing the idea that managing one's emotions and reducing drama is a sign of strength and maturity.

Opinions

The author believes that facing one's own behavior is tough but essential for growth.
They express that constant distraction through media can prevent self-reflection and exacerbate anxiety.
The author advises against excessive self-blame for past actions, emphasizing the importance of forgiveness and viewing past mistakes as learning opportunities.
They suggest that not all conflicts or negative interactions are worth the emotional investment, proposing a three-minute limit to process and move on from trivial issues.
The author opines that many conflicts arise from misunderstandings and that clarifying intentions can prevent unnecessary offense.
They highlight the importance of recognizing and respecting individual differences and perspectives to avoid unnecessary conflict.
Reflecting on one's values is seen as a crucial step in aligning behavior with personal ideals, especially in managing drama and emotional responses.
The author encourages finding personal strategies to manage emotions, such as physical activity or solitude, to prevent lashing out at others.
They assert that maintaining emotional composure is more admirable than engaging in dramatic behavior, challenging the glamorized portrayal of drama in media.

How I Went From a Complete Dramaqueen to a Calmer Self

Real talk

I used to be a drama queen, in and out. And, frankly, sometimes I probably still am (my friends to confirm).

But I used to be very different. Picked every possible fight, and made a very small topic burst into a huge argument.

There was not a lot of emotional balance.

During high school, I once yelled at a guy in front of the whole school because he was telling everyone he would go to a dance with me.

Just thinking about it now makes me feel embarrassed.

But hey, I would like to think that we can always grow and improve. And I was really young at that time.

Although I consider myself anything but perfect, I would say convincingly, that today, I am a lot calmer and it takes a lot (or a lot more than it used to) to get angry, or heated, or any sort of feeling in this direction.

So what happened?

I first had to face my behavior was anything but cool

Whenever we as humans reflect on our behavior, there comes the toughest part of it all. I think it is so hard and scary sometimes to face who we are, that we simply decide not to do it.

I strongly believe it is one of the reasons why we try to distract ourselves all the time with Instagram, TV, Podcasts, Music… We simply silence the voices in our heads.

The thing is, this strategy does not work in the long-term and I would say it makes us even more anxious. At some point, it gets so bad that we cannot tolerate sitting in silence anymore at all.

Anyway, I am rambling. So I faced that I was a drama queen. And that I am often overreacting, or hurtful. Deep down, I knew that already. But really facing and feeling that — let me tell you, it was tough!

Don’t be so hard on yourself

If you do step one, there is an immediate second step that shall not be forgotten. Because once I realized, that my behavior sometimes was anything but cool, I immediately had so many feelings of guilt.

It seemed as if every relationship (I am talking about romantic relationships) failed because of me. I was going through situations and situations, reflecting on all the things I had done wrong.

Don’t do this.

a) What happened happened;

b) Everyone makes mistakes;

c) You did the best you could with the information you had at the time.

Forgive yourself and really see this first step as a huge advancement to improve yourself.

Tools that helped me

Below are some tools that helped me to become calmer and have more power over my own emotions. These are all rather “little techniques”. I think in the end, it all comes down to becoming more aware of your behavior, awareness of your own self, and, most importantly: the fact that you want to change.

Besides the below, all the always mentioned things will help you too: therapy, meditation, and yoga.

The three-minute rule

I use this very often. If I know for a fact, that something will not occupy my mind even in the slightest in three days from now, I am not going to let it influence me at all. If I will have forgotten it in three weeks, I give myself three minutes of rage.

That’s it. Please, don’t waste energy on unimportant things.

Don’t take everything personally (different people, different perspectives)

I used to always think everything was about me.

And I don’t mean that in an “everyone loves me” way. I mean it in a “everybody wants me bad” way.

If someone says something, you hear the words but can interpret it completely differently than what the person’s intention was.

I would immediately be offended. Talk about anxiety mechanisms.

Anyway, now I try to take a step back and ask the person, how something was intended to come across.

Try it. And trust me, you will be amazed by how one phrase can be interpreted in so many different ways.

Accept the fact that people are different

Sounds so simple, but hard to do in practice.

If we feel rage or any sort of heated emotion, we are living a reality (this applies to anything, to be frank) through our own.

It is our interpretation, mixed with our past, how we frame things…etc, etc.,

People really are different. Every one of us is unique. They have their own story. And based on that: acts differently. You cannot control that. You can only try to understand it and have an influence on how you react to it. Don’t just assume because you are thinking in a certain way, that the other person does this too.

Reflect on your values

What is it ultimately, that you want to stand for? And that’s what I meant when I wrote above, that facing some things about oneself that might not align with the self-image is really tough.

I always wanted to be strong, and emotionally in control and I admired people who were determined without being dramatic.

Sketch in your head what is important to you and what you want to stand for. And see whether it aligns with your behavior (it can be anything, but as we are talking about drama here, see whether “being a gossiper, having arguments in public, overreacting, etc.” are things that resonate with those values).

Learn tools to detach or decompress

If shit really hits the fan and you feel your emotions getting heated: find a tool that works for you to decompress, before you start attacking people.

Sleep on it. Go for a walk. Do sports. Scream into a vase.

Whatever it is. Find what works for you!

Losing control over your emotions is okay, but should not be taken out on other people. It is anything but admirable to talk to someone with a heightened voice or disrespect someone.

And although all the Hollywood movies provide us with this picture of the high school gossip queen who gets all the hot guys, let me tell you: being a drama queen is anything but cool!