How I Stopped Being A Lonely Writer (5 Simple Ways To Find Connections)

Most writers feel isolated. Use these tips to find priceless connections.

Isolation kills.

If you treat writing as a solo sport I’ll give you 6 months.

That’s how long I lasted before my energy nosedived. Having no one to share my struggles with took its toll. It’s fine when you start. You’re full of excitement and possibilities. But creating content day after day is an emotional drain. You need someone who understands. To feel like you’re not alone.

But it’s hard to find people who understand.

Family and friends don’t know what it’s like. What are you doing? Are you trying to become an influencer? A friend asked me not long after I started. (I mumbled an embarrassing ‘I’m just writing’ in reply). If don’t find people to walk with. The odds of your writing dreams coming true are basically zero.

So how can you find those crucial connections?

The false promise of freedom

Everyone is looking for freedom.

Most writers grow their side hustle so they can become free:

• extra cash to do things they want
• find meaning they don’t get from their job
• quit the job they hate to do what they love

But freedom is a 2 edged sword.

Scott Stockdale achieved his writing dream in 2023. He went full-time. Earned very good money from writing. Worked less hours (finishing by lunchtime). But something wasn’t right:

• he burnt out
• lost his mojo
• nothing excited him

Scott realised he needed more than freedom. He needed others.

I’m longing for a sense of community. It’s demoralising to spend hours on an article and publish it into a void, only for you to hear your echo. Support from other writers is vital. Scott Stockdale

Research conducted by Viking indicated loneliness is 2x higher for freelancers. 64% say their job makes them feel lonely every day. Compared to 29% of office-based workers. Perhaps this is why over half (55%) of the freelancers have suffered from depression as a result of their job. Compared to 30% of office-based workers.

Loneliness is common among writers. And is hugely damaging. If you are going to last. You need to find community.

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to us.” ― Noreena Hertz, The Lonely Century

Social platforms make it difficult

Once I realised I needed writer friends I set to work.

I started to reach out on Twitter/X. Made positive comments. Replied to articles on this platform too. But I hit a wall in my quest for community.

Those with something to sell respond first

I made some new connections. But it wasn’t long before my new friends contacted me to ‘ask how I was doing’. Within 3 messages they showed their hand. And tried to sell me something.

I need friends not a sales conversation.

Some were suspicious of me

Others kept me at arm’s length.

I’d post comments on their stuff. Send friendly messages. But got slow, short replies. Perhaps they thought I was a sales bro with an agenda beyond friendship?

Desperation repels

It’s a paradox of human relationships.

Those with confidence and no need of others. Attract an army of fans. You learn this in the school playground. See a lonely kid in the corner desperate for friends and everyone runs a mile.

No one wants to be left with the kid with no friends. Isolation might be contagious.

Some went AWOL

I kept at it and made progress.

But most writers last less than 6 months. Those I connected with were dropping like flies. I’d get on well with someone then they’d stop posting and disappear. Then I had to start again. (I can assure you. There is no connection between becoming my writer friend and suffering burnout!)

Fake engagement groups

I got invited into some pseudo-support groups.

They were based on the clap-for-clap model. People trading likes. A black market for writers. This never delivers growth. You can fake it for a while but you can’t fool the algorithm. And if you want meaningful support this is useless.

But when I was about to lose all hope. I finally made some breakthroughs.

A ray of hope

If you scatter enough seeds. Something will take root. Despite the above frustration. I have developed some meaningful connections. Let me tell you about 2 of them.

A writers group

I was approached by a writer on X.

He loved my energy and progress. I was suspicious at first. I checked him out. And he seemed legit. Decent content. Had been writing for a few years. So we kept in touch.

Then he suggested a small support group for writers. So we invited 3 others to join us. And it’s working. We have a group on X and meet for a video call every 6 weeks. We share:

• feedback on each other’s stuff
• what we are learning
• platform insights from other writers we know

Sometimes an article does badly but I can’t work out why. Now I have people I can ask. Who’ll willingly look at my headline or intro and tell me why no one is interested in it.

Even more valuable than advice is the emotional support. Having people in your corner. Who are interested in your writing. It’s a power boost.

It’s a little taste of community.

A surprising approach from a bigger account

I was shocked to see a comment from a 6 figure creator. He was 5 times my size! He subscribed to my newsletter and sent an encouraging message about my style.

Then the shocking offer came.

He suggested we promote each other’s newsletter to our subscribers. I was happy to agree to that (remember he’s 5x my size). I grew from 700 to 850 subscribers in 24 hours. But more important is the ongoing relationship.

I’m designing a course to help writers craft better headlines. I plan to get his input on my landing page when it’s ready.

Because that’s what friends do.

5 ways to find your tribe

So how can you find others to walk with? Given my many failed attempts and limited success. Here aremy top tips on what you should do.

Grab opportunities

Keep alert to anything that comes along.

Scott Stockdale launched a 30-day writing challenge with a Discord group. It was a chance to meet other writers. So I signed up. It might lead to some ongoing connections. It might not. But I’m seizing the opportunity.

Look for group coaching and courses. Anything where connection with others is offered. Some of these are expensive, but there are plenty of free options too.

Offer unconditional help

People run a mile if you come across as needy.

So confidently offer help. Send resources. Give advice. Share whatever you have to offer. Don’t portray yourself as superior. Be generous.

Seek help (influence research)

Once you’ve established a connection you can take a risk.

Be vulnerable and ask for help. Don’t make this step 1. But it’s effective at taking a superficial relationship deeper.

Set up a group

I suspect most writers feel isolated.

So why not be the one to offer community? Invite a few people to join a group. Set it up on X or Discord (the platform doesn’t matter). Keep it small. Pick people at the same stage of growth. And only invite those who are serious about writing.

You’ll need to put in time at the start to keep it going. Ask people to share their stuff. Give feedback. Share challenges.

Accept most won’t work but keep going

You need to hit a lot of dead ends to find the magic door to community.

Accept this. Close down a group if it’s not working. Don’t take it personally if people ghost you. Move on to the next possibility. Finding a connection is priceless. So don’t give up. Keep experimenting.

Life isn’t meant to be lived alone. And neither is writing.

If you want the writing system that took me from 500–5000 followers in 6 months. Join 687 writers in signing up for my free email course.