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Abstract

nope</i>, there’s plenty for us to do. In fact, plenty of things that men <i>want </i>us to do. I wish someone would have told me this long ago, and it does beg the question — if it was so bad, why the hell didn’t they speak up?</p><p id="73a1">In the process of viewing different scenes, I began to realize how little I knew about sex, about relationships — <i>even how little I knew about my own body</i>.</p><p id="9d3d">And that leads me to my second discovery:</p><h2 id="2917">2. I learned that I don’t have to be ashamed of my body.</h2><p id="2dea">They say that every vagina is like a snowflake — and that is true.</p><p id="5301">I had <i>no </i>idea they were all so different. I mean, mine was literally the only one I’d ever seen, so how would I know it’s not necessarily like all the rest?</p><p id="e431">Watching other women — although very, very weird at first — actually showed me that I am <i>unique</i>, not gross, and that I’m actually pretty stoked about the parts I have down there.</p><p id="7803" type="7">For the first time I felt I could relate to other women in the bedroom, and I realized that what’s between my legs is actually a pretty nice gift — not something to be ashamed of.</p><p id="4b6b">There are so many types of porn — but one thing that was really eye-opening were the videos of other women pleasuring themselves. <i>They </i>sure as hell weren’t ashamed of their bodies, and they were taking full advantage of the gift hidden in their crotch.</p><p id="92a5">Also for the first time, I realized that achieving an orgasm is not something everyone gets to experience, and the fact that I <i>can </i>is a blessing.</p><p id="06db">A wonderful, stress-relieving, blissfully satisfying blessing that should not be taken for granted.</p><h2 id="a450">3. I realized that I don’t have to be defined as only one thing, and that I’m free to express myself how I choose to.</h2><p id="6931">The truth is, we can absolutely want different things. Craving variety is nothing to apologize for.</p><p id="31b8">I can enjoy being dominated, and then next time want to be the one taking charge.</p><p id="87d4">I can want to do it in a dark room, or outside in nature.</p><p id="1920">I can like it a little rough sometimes, and then the next time crave intimacy and close emotional connection.</p><p id="c61f">The fact that I’m a heterosexual woman does not mean that I have to be or do or want the exact same thing every time, as I had previously thought.</p><p id="e2c4">And on that note — I know I like men, but that doesn’t mean I can’t find other women attractive. There are ways to mix it up.</p><p id="7bf2">And people definitely do.</p><p id="c171">Once I started exploring, I didn’t want to stop. And as would be expected, I ended up seeing some pretty weird stuff. If you’ve ever spent a little too much time on a porn site, you know how much variety there is, and you’ll probably understand when I say there are some things that I definitely don’t want to see.</p><p id="8d91"><i>Lesson learned. Everything in moderation, and be careful what you click on.</i></p><p id="f879">But having now witnessed more online sex than ever before in my life, I felt more confident about returning to real-world dating, and I felt more open to potential sexual encounters down the line.</p><p id="7a87">I found myself opening up to my friends, too. It started with a simple question (in a lowered voice) <i>“Have you ever watched porn?”</i></p><p id="3b14">If no, then I’d briefly explore their interest to test the waters. If yes, I’d proceed with the conversation. It turns out people are more curious than you’d think. And a lot more people watch porn than you think, too. In fact, on the popular website Pornhub, <a href="https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a30171574/pornhub-year-in-review-2019/">last year</a> there were 82 billion visits to that site <i>alone</i> from across the world — 32% of which were women. That is <i>a lot</i> of viewers.</p><p id="9df2">But more often than not, among my friends at least, the subject of porn was actually a way to open into a safer space of talking about sex. Something I hadn’t felt like I could do before. And this, too, helped me relate to other women and become more comfortable in my own skin.</p><p id="bcb1">Watching porn (and talking about it and sex in general) gave me the push I needed to start getting past my insecurities. It helped me see that I wasn’t all that special, and also incredibly special at the same time.</p><p id="6cc9" type="7">I was totally insignificant,

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and yet completely unique.</p><p id="593b">I took control of my sexuality, and was able to start dipping my toe in the water again. And that’s when I started realizing that everything in porn needs to be taken with a grain of salt.</p><p id="0568">Many of these people are paid to do what they do, and real-life sex with normal people isn’t necessarily that dramatic.</p><p id="f9cf">And that’s definitely a good thing.</p><h2 id="0c1b">Some truths I learned about action in the bedroom:</h2><p id="ef47">· <b>Not every guy has a huge package.</b> That’s 100% fine, but most porn only shows men with pretty sizeable hardware. Something to keep in mind.</p><p id="12db">· <b>Size doesn’t always matter.</b> I know this is a matter of perspective, but it’s much more important what they’re doing with it. And that they try.</p><p id="236b">· <b>Not everyone is perfectly shaved — and not everyone expects you to be. </b>This was also a relief, because let’s face it: shaving is actually a lot of work.</p><p id="92d9">· <b>Being “bad at sex” is completely subjective — there’s no manual and no standard five-star rating system. </b>Yes, practice makes perfect to some extent, but I’ve found that it also has a lot to do with chemistry. If two people don’t click sexually, sometimes that’s okay. And anyone who says you’re “bad at sex” because it didn’t work between you in the bedroom has an ego problem.</p><p id="b8d0">· <b>Blowjobs don’t necessarily have to be degrading. </b>While there is definitely porn that focuses on women being dominated, degraded, and put into compromising positions, it doesn’t always have to be that way. It’s all about perspective, communication, and comfort level. Giving a BJ can be empowering too — by taking control, getting on top and being the one in charge.</p><p id="4073">· <b>Nobody can read minds.</b> If you want something, or <i>don’t </i>want something, you need to speak up. Communication will help avoid awkwardness or discomfort and make the experience much more enjoyable for both of you.</p><p id="66ef">Watching pornography isn’t for everyone. I’ll openly admit that. To each their own. But for me, it was a game-changer, in terms of beginning to learn about myself, relationships, and the world of intimacy.</p><p id="b54e">Embracing my sexuality, learning to start speaking up, and experimenting with what I wanted in the bedroom helped me to become a stronger, more confident version of myself — not just between the sheets, but in my everyday life, as well.</p><p id="4534">I’ve realized that sex and intimacy are not things to be ashamed of. I won’t be automatically degraded if I enjoy a little erotica or online sexual fantasies. It’s 2020, and I’m grateful that I live in a country where watching porn online is okay, and that sex and intimacy are (somewhat) widely accepted as a form of release. And yes, there are still stigmas and expectations abounding, but we are also much freer to express ourselves and explore than ever before.</p><p id="e1a3">Demand is ever-present, the desire is there, many videos are increasingly woman-friendly, and I for one am not going to apologize for wanting a little pleasure every once in a while.</p><p id="d283">© <a href="undefined">Samantha Blake</a> 2020</p><p id="6912"><i>You might also enjoy:</i></p><div id="afb6" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-have-an-iud-and-my-sex-life-is-amazing-e8199a961a75"> <div> <div> <h2>I Have an IUD — and My Sex Life Is Amazing</h2> <div><h3>No periods, no pregnancy, and sweet, sweet freedom.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*RPc8JbuLGjeBOKKn)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="7489" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/find-empowerment-by-taking-charge-of-your-sex-life-492294b437db"> <div> <div> <h2>Find Empowerment by Taking Charge of Your Sex Life</h2> <div><h3>They say confidence is sexy — inside the bedroom and out of it</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*yuLLS0M6HbJoSI1o)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

How I Started A 5-Figure Business Using Just an iPhone

Humble beginnings

2 years ago, I was a broke University student living in Singapore, one of the most expensive cities in the world.

Double-whammy.

I had some experience in the martial arts, so I lucked out and got a side-gig teaching beginner’s boxing for 50 bucks a pop. The gym I taught at was a short bus ride away from school, so twice a week after lectures were over I would hop on said bus to conduct classes of my own.

Teaching was a novel experience, and I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. The students were eager to learn, and the owner was inviting. It was during one of those evening classes when I noticed just how big the training room was.

“I bet we could comfortably host a small tournament here.” I mused during class, cheekily ignoring the exertions of two dozen students.

After the class was over, I approached the owner of the gym and suggested that we could use the mat space to host a grappling tournament. He liked my pitch, and the rest is history.

Over the short span of 18 months, Singapore BJJ Open (SGBJJO) has become Singapore’s largest grappling tournament. We routinely attract over 200 competitors from all over the region. For our last tournament, we even had a small team fly in from far-flung Kazakhstan to compete!

Business-wise we broke mid-5 figures in revenue for 2019–100% of which has been reinvested back into the company. A modest amount to be sure, but it’s good to be in the black when so many other startups crash and burn within 2 years of inception.

Giving our quick rise and our status as Singapore’s premier grappling tournament, it may surprise you to know that SGBJJO has extremely simple beginnings.

And I mean really simple.

SGBJJO was started using just an old iPhone SE.

Nothing else.

Here are two mindset shifts that helped me make the best of my situation.

#1 Know That Perfection Is An Illusion

“Move fast and break things.”

— Mark Zuckerberg

“Move fast and break things.”

It’s one of my favourite quotes, and the unofficial Facebook motto (they’ve recently changed it, but I like the ring of this one better. It‘s just….scrappier.)

For a startup, creation speed is key. You can’t expect your features to be perfect before your product is launched, otherwise, it’ll simply never get launched. Perfection is an illusion that everyone chases but never attains.

I read in a book somewhere that its best to launch your product when it’s 75% ready, and I fully agree. Improvements can be made along the way. I mean, how many app updates for “bugs and improvements” do you receive on your phone without knowing that the bug even existed in the first place?

Exactly.

Here’s a personal example.

This was the very first image I used to promote Singapore BJJ Open.

Notice the generic stock image and our old company logo. They were both made by a friend of mine who’s an amateur designer. Was this the best photo with the perfect design to introduce our brand to the world? Hell no!

However, it was cheap and quick to make — and more importantly, it got the job done. The word was out. People knew we existed — buckle up, a new tournament is in town.

Throughout the 2 months leading up to our first event, I would upload similar content with catchy quotes on them to drum up interest.

You see, I faced a classic Catch-22:

I needed pictures to advertise my first tournament — but since it’s my first tournament, I had no pictures!

Using generic images allowed us to get our social media accounts up and running. We generated a good amount of interest in a short span of time, eventually ending up with slightly over 70 competitors — a great number for a pilot event!

Not bad for a tournament that was marketed entirely using stock images.

#2 Adopt An Abundant Mindset — What You Have Is Good Enough

Now, why did I choose to use the iPhone as my work device? Again, the answer is simple.

It was the only device I had.

Like I said, back then, I was a broke University student. I had to make do with what I had, and what I had was old iPhone SE. It was a basic phone, all things considered. It was tiny and outdated. The world had moved along since it was created.

I would frequently get comments like “your phone is so cute!” and “isn’t it time for an upgrade?” People thought it was underpowered, unfashionable and dated — this being the same device I used to kickstart a 5 figure company!

People thought my old phone was somehow lacking — that there was something wrong about it, that it’s not good enough.

I, however, had a different view.

I thought my phone was a technological masterpiece.

A little more than a decade ago, if you told people you could access the internet with something small enough to fit in your jean pocket, you would get laughed out the door. Now everyone has a smartphone capable of exactly that. Many features that were impossible just a decade ago are now being taken for granted.

So what if the pictures taken using my phone wasn’t of the best quality?

I used them to market my event anyway.

So what if my phone was small and cumbersome to type on?

I replied to my business emails anyway.

A lot of us get into the mentality that we need the best, state-of-the-art equipment to get work done.

In my experience, that’s simply not true.

Like we went through in the first point, if we waited till the conditions are perfect to start work, its more than likely that work will never get started.

Instead of adopting a mentality of lack, I adopted a mentality of abundance.

The cost of starting a business or producing content in today’s digital age is dramatically lower than it’s ever been. The processor in the iPhone is millions of times of times more powerful than the computer that first took the US to the moon. Yes, the moon, my friends… If I wanted to produce a long form video show to mirror my vlog, and a radio show to mimic my podcast, and billboards to mimic my images on Instagram, I would have to spend millions of dollars just 20 years ago. Today, the barrier to entry is practically zero. If you have a smartphone and access to the internet, you are in the game.

— Gary Vee blog

Read that again.

The processor in the iPhone is millions of times of times more powerful than the computer that first took the US to the moon.

Despite that amazing fact, there are still many with a mentality of lack. They think what they have isn’t good enough to market their blog, to grow their business, to get to writing.

Let me tell you something: the mentality of lack stems from insecurity. People deflect responsibility to their gadgets because they’re afraid. They’re afraid they’re not good enough to cut it, so they’d rather put the blame on something else — like their equipment.

I had classmates in school complain that the reason they couldn’t hand up their English assignment in time was that their 2017 MacBook Pro was too slow. In the meantime, there were astronauts in the 60s who literally flew to the moon using equipment that is way more subpar than your Macbook.

Don’t get it twisted up, my friends.

The issue isn’t with the equipment — the issue is your mindset.

In Summary

“A good plan, violently executed now is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.” — George Patton

If there’s one thing I would like you to take away from this article, it’s that the perfect time to start is now.

Instead of waiting for the perfect moment, create it.

Instead of wishing for fancier equipment, make the best of what you have.

Remember, perfection is an illusion. It’s okay to act first and mess up along the way. Pick up the pieces and dust yourself off — we all learn from our mistakes. What’s not okay is to stall and doubt and hem and haw, waiting for the fabled perfect moment to arrive only to have it pass you by.

Move fast and break things.

Thank you for reading my story :)