How I Show Up in Your Feed
Even if you don’t follow me
People all over Twitter are asking the question, “how does Smillew do it?” And by people all over Twitter, I mean Preeti Ramachandran.
I’m here to share my secrets with you.
We’ll keep this short because you must be busy clapping for my most popular story.
#1 — I have a small penis
Top writers are familiarly called ‘big dicks.’
By having a small penis, I trick my fellow writers into thinking I’m no competition. They feel safe to read my articles without fear of losing followers. And, of course, the more they read my articles, the more I show up in their feeds.
#2 — I relational a lot
What you think I mean: I always clap and comment.
What it means: I tag writers in my articles. My favorite writer to tag is Carol Lennox. And I’m not saying that because she asked me to.
It’s a discovery I made a few months ago. We, the writers, cannot resist a notification someone mentioned us. We have to click and check where our name appears. Like many, BichoDoMato tried to resist the dopamine shot, but he failed miserably.
#3 — I believe in Santa Claus
R P Gibson can claim Santa’s dead all he wants; I still believe in Mister Claus. I even wrote him a letter. So far, he answered 25 times but didn’t grant my wish.
I think Santa’s playing hard to get and waiting for Christmas to turn the burner to viral.
That’s all right. I’m patient. For example, I waited 5 minutes before submitting this draft.
#4 — I burgle claps from other writers, or so they say
Maybe it’s because he has a small penis, but B.G. Warren doesn’t like that I have 10x more claps than he does.
He went as far as photoshopping my picture on fake evidence and now claims everywhere I’m burgling his claps.
Upon the advice of randomuser, I must respectfully decline to answer B.G.’s horseshit claim based on my rights under the Clapping Amendment of Medium.
Recap for people who didn’t read the ‘article’
I show up in your feed because anything I write is choke-full of links to my other articles.
(And you can’t resist clicking on a sexy link when you see one.)
I’m a Medium writer who writes mainly about clapping, my Medium newsletter, and my Medium referral link. No need to follow me; I’ll show up in your feed.
I don’t want to leave you without recommendations for further readings (plot twist: I didn’t write the following articles):
