How I Reclaimed My Power
— through awareness
# Monday Prompt — In what situations have you let your power slip away?
Giving too much to the wrong people and not enough to me —
I would consider myself a giving person. I don’t say this to boast, but to illustrate my point. As far back as I can remember, I have been giving to others.
I didn’t receive a lot growing up for different reasons — not enough money, large family, culture, etc. I don’t know where I got it from, but I liked giving.
Reflecting on it now, maybe it was because I saw the positive results of it and it made me feel good.
But, I was not aware of how the lack of reciprocity was hurtful or disappointing for me.
In what situations have I let my power slip away?
“In Giving”
I let my power slip away by giving too much to the wrong people — to people who would take advantage of my generosity. I was very naive growing up, something that still upsets me if I dwell on it.
It never occurred to me that people could suck the life out of me. I gave freely — I didn’t know another way.
Giving is a gift and a blessing. Jesus said, ‘it is more blessed to give than receive,’ (Acts 20:35) so I don’t regret having a giving heart.
I’m thankful that my heart is open enough to want to give. I give because I love, so that means I’m on the healthy end of the spectrum.
I wouldn’t want to be a scrooge. Mean, penny-pinching, tight people have small hearts. The term for these people is narcissists, but I won’t go into that personality type in this article as it’s not just narcissists who behave in this way.
Many people will drain your energy — if you let them.
How I lost my power
When you give to people who don’t reciprocate, it’s okay, for a while. Then you give again as a way of building the relationship and they might give you a little back until you give again. Notice the pattern?
This is what it looks like when you lose your power. You give to others from the fullness of your heart and they, in return, throw you a few crumbs.
You would think at this point I would walk away, but what I didn’t realize is that, at this point, I entered into their game, and became their prey.
People like this feed off giving people. This is where my power started to slip away. ‘Was I stupid?’ No, I wasn’t stupid, I was innocent. I believed everyone was like me, so I was confused.
‘What’s wrong with them? Why don’t they respond to my love, my attempts of relating?’
I understand the game now, but for anyone reading this who hasn’t quite figured it out yet, let me help you.
They know exactly what they’re doing. It’s intentional. And they know that if they give you less, you will give more. It works if you have low self-esteem. You fall into people-pleasing behavior because you’re looking for connection and validation, but they won’t give it to you — on purpose.
Ouch!!! Yea, painful, isn’t it?
The sad part of this is that you don't have to look very far to find these people. They can be closer than you think — family, partner, friends, co-workers, etc.
Here’s how I reclaimed my power
The first key to reclaiming my power was to take personal responsibility for my part in it — giving too much to people who don’t appreciate or value what I have to give.
Awareness
I reclaimed my power by recognizing that I was in pain. I was suffering because of the lack of love I was receiving from the people I was pouring into. I would even go so far as to say, it was emotional abuse. Ouch!!
Some people are masters at this game. They are very deceptive, so breaking free is not as easy as you might think because they need you more than you need them.
They have no reservoir of love in them. They have cut off from this power within themselves, so now you are their only supply. They need it because humans need love, but we must be able to generate this love within our own souls.
This is the dysfunction.
In short, they have studied you. After all, they are predators — plotting and scheming to catch their prey. They set traps for you — so you better watch out!
What were the signs that told me I was in danger?
- I felt I was doing all the giving, all the work.
- They rarely called me.
- If we did meet, they were either late or would cancel on short notice.
- They were secretive — not transparent about their lives.
- When I felt angry and wanted to pull away, they would up their game and produce a gift or lavish me with compliments (flattery)to keep me hooked.
- Their words had no weight.
- They would pass sarcastic remarks about my work or dreams.
- They belittled the very thing I was passionate about, which is growth and healing. They didn’t want me to become more aware.
- They were absent when I needed them most.
- They showed up for the good times, but not the hard times.
- They loved to talk about themselves, but rarely listened.
There is another type of person who is not as selfish but will still drain your energy if you let them. Most people nowadays are starved of love and affection because of the way we live, so if you radiate love and joy, they will pounce on you. It is your responsibility to look after yourself.
This type of individual is more withdrawn. They don’t have many friends. They lack good social skills. They are drawn to compassionate, kind, understanding souls who accept them as they are.
These people are really nice and I like them more than the other kind, but they are usually just too broken and emotionally immature for you to have a healthy relationship with them.
They also drain our energy, so we must step back and give them space. They will come out of their protective shell when they are ready. Do not go into their cave with them for that will suck the life right out of you.
They need to come out of themselves and heal. They are simply too wounded to give. They are not narcissists but can have narcissistic tendencies due to their self-absorption.
Actions I Took To Reclaim My Power
- I became self-aware.
- I put my needs first.
- I monitored my time.
- I monitored my giving.
- I asked myself how I felt about each relationship in my life.
- I asked myself how I felt after being with someone — drained or energized?
- I asked myself what was I gaining from having the relationship?
- I asked myself was I inspired?
- Is the person emotionally mature?
- Did I need to find more suitable friends/relationships?
- I was patient as some people are just struggling — learn to know the difference.
- I stopped chasing people.. if they don’t call you and they are in good health, let them go (bye-bye).
- I decided not to waste my time on people who don’t value me.
It’s not easy for me to publicly write about these things, but as it was so painful for me, I want to share it to help others.
The secret to staying happy, healthy, and free is to only do 50% of the relating in any relationship. If you find you are over-giving, it may mean you are suffering from low self-worth, and the cure to that is self-love.
You keep your power by loving yourself first.
Many thanks to Diana C. for these powerful prompts. They are challenging, but I welcome them as I always relish the opportunity for more self-growth and healing.
