How I Managed To Cope With Burnout After Almost Losing My Life

Dancing Elephants Book Project — Health & Wellness

Health & well-being has always been a difficult chapter in my life. I feel ashamed to tell people that I am not healthy. When Lady Dr. Gabriella Korosi chose the topic of health and wellbeing, I almost thought that I am not the right person to write about this.

For a long time, I avoided writing on this topic and then I started writing something, but it sounded so fake, like a hypocrite. Giving advice on health and well-being by a person who is almost always sick seemed like an oxymoron!

And then it hit me.

I have been hiding my challenges from people for as long as I can remember. Not even my close people know about any of my several chronic disorders and disabilities that play a significant role in my life.

And yet here I am — a mother, a wife, a daughter to a mother who lives thousands of miles apart, a creator, a writer, a technical writer managing a full-time job, a trusted friend who always tries to ‘be there for them’, a therapist to my own self, a mentor and a motivator to many, living an expat life, handling the household chores and shuffling a work-life balance.

Why should I even think lowly of myself? I have not let my disorders and disabilities shape my life, rather I have worked on my challenges, never lost hope, and have overcome them time and again. It’s high time that I share my story.

My story of burnout

In the spring of 2006, I was living in California and working for a financial multinational. Even though I lived in a beautiful city and earned a lot of money, I was anything but happy. I had extremely long and demanding work hours.

I worked almost all the waking hours and then again at night to match the offshore team in India. Mind you, India is 12.5 hours ahead of California time during spring and summer (13.5 hours during winter), which meant getting a call in the midnight or early hours was quite usual.

Not only were the working hours long and demanding, but I also had to deal with a very hostile work environment that led to a lot of office politics, and I was expected to be available 24 x7.

To say that I was stressed and overwhelmed, would be an understatement.

The symptoms

Sometime during the month of May that year, I developed a toothache. I was living in the US temporarily and didn’t have dental insurance. So I waited to come back to India.

However, after I came back and visited a dentist, they couldn’t find any significant reason for the pain. My pain never went away though. A dull numbing pain became my constant companion and became worse with time.

I went back to the US again in a few months and this time I suddenly developed a sharp pain in my stomach. I had no option other than to visit a doctor, even though my travel insurance sucked but the doctors couldn’t diagnose my problem.

I had also developed severe low back pain and pain in the entire spinal cord. Sitting, standing, or even lying down on a bed seemed extremely painful.

I returned to India again and went for several tests, and even underwent surgery, but without much luck. No doctor could heal me.

The environment in the office was becoming extremely toxic too and I couldn’t manage the extreme stress along with all the pain in my body.

So I quit my job without even looking for another one.

The next few years

I found a new job in a few months and moved back to the US again to the east coast this time, with my husband, and with better insurance. Those of you who live in the US, already know the importance of a good health insurance provider.

However, my pain continued to come and go, still without any diagnosis. Sometimes, I would cry in pain and would blame God, the medical system, the doctors, and whoever else I could blame.

Sometimes it was so excruciating that the only thing I thought was how to end my life.

I continued like this until I couldn’t anymore and had to quit my job, again, for good.

The diagnosis

My life continued like this, dealing with pain, sometimes better and sometimes worse, for the next few years, until we moved to Germany and the dentist there diagnosed my tooth pain as Temporomandibular Joint Disorder (TMD).

TMD causes severe pain in the jaw, entire head, neck, the area behind your ear, and shoulders. It feels like the pain is in the tooth, but it is actually in the jaw and is usually caused by stress.

The pain originates mostly from clenching your jaw and grinding your teeth. I realized I had been doing that for many years, because of stress.

What I didn’t know at that time was — what I experienced was a severe case of burnout. It not only affected me mentally, but it also affected my body badly, without me ever realizing that.

Last year, I also had a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia, PTSD, executive dysfunction, compromised immunity, and several other disorders (that I am not comfortable sharing on a public forum yet), which are all either sources or results of burnout.

What is burnout?

World Health Organization defines burnout as:

“Burn-out is a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.”

But it’s not that simple. According to the Helpguide:

“Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands….

The negative effects of burnout spill over into every area of life — including your home, work, and social life. Burnout can also cause long-term changes to your body that make you vulnerable to illnesses like colds and flu.”

What did I do to cope?

Back then, I had no idea that I had a burnout, or even what burnout is. I had no diagnosis, nor any treatment plan. But I had to do something to be just alive. I started doing the following:

Keep a pain journal

I had no clue what was bothering me, but my doctor in India suggested that I keep a log of all my food habits and the pain so as to understand the relationship between the pain and food (if there was any). I found out I was allergic to so many foods. I also found out the pain increased when I had less sleep or spicy food etc.

Change in lifestyle

Armed with all these facts, I changed my lifestyle completely and created a schedule. No more late nights, no junk food, no parties, no binge-watching, regular exercise, eating and sleeping strictly on a schedule.

Change in food habit

For the next few months, I ate mostly boiled food and introduced only a few foods or spices at a time. I realized for the first time in my life that I am allergic to so many foods and cut off all those foods that add to my problems, even if they are supposed to be healthy.

Do yoga

A very close friend of mine suggested I try yoga, even if it’s just for just a few minutes. Now, before this, I barely did any exercise and never liked the idea of going to a gym. But this time, as my friend insisted, I thought to myself — what’s to lose. I actually liked it and stuck to a routine.

Take a walk

I started going for a walk. Again, my dear friend, who was a great advocate for walking, suggested I try the same. It was a bit weird, because, unlike California, in the small city where I lived in Massachusetts, I barely saw anyone walking. But I tried and I loved it.

Swimming

As much as I hated going to a gym, I still joined a local club, but this time for swimming. I remembered how swimming used to make me feel fresh back when I lived in India and how it helped me sleep better, so I started again. And that worked like a charm.

Quit working

This was so far my biggest change and sacrifice considering how much my career meant to me. And more than my career, I have always wanted to be financially independent. Quitting my job was a big blow. However, at that time, that was the choice that felt right to me.

What measures help me immensely?

From the beginning of this year, I had started to have this feeling of overwhelmedness. I started the year with the flu. Because of the compromised immunity, I am vulnerable to flu and colds.

My driving instructor was giving me a hell lot of stress by bullying me, so much so that I had to stop taking any more lessons.

Then I got Covid, that kept me sick for the next two months. I had just started a new job a few months ago and writing on Medium was taking a toll on me too.

The worst was the anxiety that I had from my daughter’s Cholesteatoma surgery on her right ear last month.

I realized I was falling into that trap again. It was a signal of another burn-out, which I couldn’t afford to have again. The moment I realized this, I did the following:

Prioritize my health & well-being

I say NO a lot of time these days, to people and things that take away my energy. I was a people pleaser, and wouldn’t want to offend anyone, but no more. Therapy has also helped me immensely in identifying the triggers and helping me cope with anxiety.

Break from digital platforms

I also took a break from reading or writing on Medium. I stopped checking my phone first thing in the morning and stopped all notifications from Medium or any other social media or digital platform. I couldn’t think of my half-written drafts or unread comments on my articles anymore. I needed rest.

Take real breaks

I work from home, so every time I had a break, I would do some laundry or prep food for dinner or something like that, which is basically another chore. I stopped doing that and instead started taking real breaks, like reading a book, going for a walk, or perhaps doing practically nothing.

Include relaxation in the to-do list

I am a the kind of person who relies on a ‘list of things’ to get through the day, so if I don’t keep “relax” as an item on my to-do list, I might as well not do it. Relaxation could be something as simple as just sitting on my chaise lounge, sipping tea, listening to the chirping of birds, and looking at the blue sky or at the thriving olive tree that I bought from my local farmer’s market a couple of years ago.

Do something that I love

Along with breaks and relaxation, I also included doing something that I love in my daily routine. It could be something like reading about places I would love to go like Spain or making travel plans. Taking long walks by the sea with the cool breeze on my face is another favorite of mine, that immediately takes away all the stress.

Conclusion

I have realized that burnout can creep in at any time and can come back time and again without you realizing it. I know from my own life, that it can not only reduce your quality of life but may also have serious consequences if left untreated.

At the same time, my life story is proof that you can still live a quality life if you can identify the triggers, prioritize your wellbeing, seek help and take measures. After all you got only one life and you want to make sure that it’s a damn good one.

Reference:

Thank you Dancing Elephant Press Editors Lady Dr. Gabriella Korosi, Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles and Sharing Randomly.