Life Lessons
How I Lost Everything and Won The World
Somewhere in the middle of nowhere
All my life I spent inordinate amounts of time and energy chasing the ace. From ground zero, out of a life of abject poverty and singular none achievement, I dragged my sorry ass out of the gutter and set off in pursuit of something a darn sight better. First came qualifications, then a well paid job, a nice car and a beautiful house. And once I had those things then I set about getting more titles, more pay, a nicer car, a more beautiful house......and on and on it went. Throughout my long life I climbed a series of ladders which lead me ever closer still to my ultimate desire.
What I always wanted was to earn enough to retire so that I could realise my ultimate dream. From a very young age I always loved writing. There was just something so magical about the whole process. I could close my eyes, imagine something beautiful and then set it down on paper. It was a highly creative thing to do, almost godlike. I could create strange new worlds and lives, exciting new ways to be and wonderful new things to do. All I needed was a blank piece of paper and a pen and ink.
The actual act of writing was for me not unlike the process Jackson Pollock used in his practice of abstract expressionism. I simply poured the ink, via a pen, onto the white page and let my mind and my connected right hand wander as it meandered between the feint lines in a cursive manner. It never ceases to amaze me what one can create with this type of open interpretation of what constitutes writing. Alas, over time I allowed myself to become distracted from writing in order to sell my creative soul to the money hungry capitalist society devil.
I got on in life with a very successful career and complemented all of my material and financial success with a wife and three children. At the time it felt like my heart was full. And yet, there was always a yearning lurking in the deeper recesses of my mind. I managed to dabble a little to keep the creative demons at bay. I recorded a beautiful album of songs and compositions and continued to write speculative screen plays and short stories. But nothing meaningful in terms of commercial success came as a result of those nocturnal efforts. One day, I told myself, I will return to this creative calling full time and perhaps then my work will find an attentive, appreciative audience. Meanwhile I was duty bound to forge ahead with doing things that would turn enough pennies and pounds to keep my family in the manner to which it had become accustomed. There were worse ways to spend one's time.
Suddenly, one day I lost it all due to some really bad decisions in my personal life which I have chronicled elsewhere on this platform. It seemed like overnight I had been reduced to nothing. The well paying job, nice car and beautiful house, even my happy family, had all disappeared. I say overnight, however, my defeat from the jaws of victory were dragged out over a long period of twenty five years.
One by one I stepped on one slippery snake after another, all the way down to the end of the tail. The reason it took so long was due to the fact that I fought it with all my might. I fought in and out the courts of law and shady back street solicitors offices. And for this I paid a very heavy price. I not only lost all of my material and financial assets, I also lost my health. At that point I had to accept defeat and walk away from it, weary and beaten and not too many steps from death itself. Those were very heavy, dark depressing days I shall never ever forget. Then, one day, right out of the blue, by pure chance, I met my guardian angel.
Six years on and I have made a physical recovery of sorts. I am still plagued with some debilitating chronic illnesses.I spend my days mostly writing, health permitting. I try to get some physical exercise in on my trusty new bicycle, humidity permitting. The humidity here is oppressive to say the least and it really does make life very uncomfortable due to a chronic pulmonary disease.There isn't any nice car or beautiful house, no close family, save for my angel of a wife, and no high salaried job.
However, what I have gained is a peace of mind which eluded me for far more years than I care to remember. And nobody but nobody is going to take that away from me, woe betide anybody who tries. The world is a jungle and old prairie dogs like me are better left alone to pass our days as quietly and peacefully as we can. If we are disturbed we take no prisoners.
We have learned the true value of what life has to offer and in that way, we have won the world, no matter what we may have lost in the process. And that is something that we will guard like an American pit bull for the rest of our born days.
