How I Lessened My Anxiety by Moving to England

And I’m contemplating doing it again

As I visit London with my two-and-a-half-year-old while contemplating a move back, I’m reminded of when I first landed here seven years ago, anxious and burned out on American life, wanting desperately to regroup and rethink.

I walked endlessly in London’s many parks and thought long and hard about why I was bitterly disappointed in American ways and whether I could ever salvage that, and myself.

In my two years of living in London, I noticed that, while England had its fair share of problems, the English seemed to be more relaxed and easy-going than us Americans, once you got to know them.

I desperately wanted that myself, so I studied the people around me and wondered what it was that made their lives different, other than the free healthcare. It certainly wasn’t the weather, which was actually surprisingly warmer than I expected (London has palm trees!). What habits did they have that we in the U.S. didn’t? And how could I adopt them?

Surprisingly, even living in urban London helped me to mellow out and find a balance between busy city living and self-care.

Stripped of the neurotic attitude I carried with me since arriving in New York 15 years ago, I was able to see where America ended and I began. Gradually, my anxiety has lifted and I started to develop new habits and attitudes that I would eventually take home to the U.S. with me.

Here are some of those “English” ways I learned to adopt.

The English swim in any weather

If there is one habit of the English people that I found particularly admirable is they don’t shy away from bad weather. Making the most out of what you have is the name of the game in England.

I arrived on a “summer” holiday in August at the popular South West Coast of England as skeptical as I could be, prompted by my then-boyfriend, determined to surf. With room prices starting at 200 pounds, the American in me expected perfect beach weather at least. Instead, it was 60 degrees and windy every day.

And then I saw the beach. Absolutely packed with happy Brits. You couldn’t get a spot on the sand. Their solution to weather was a sea of windbreakers — a popular beach accessory in England, meant to protect its owners from winds and onlookers, as they sipped on their wine and beer in privacy, all day long.

My boyfriend explained to me the English people loved their beaches in any weather and at any cost. Many preferred to stay local instead of going abroad. Instead of complaining about the weather, they brought proper gear and enough wine to last through the day, and made the best out of it.

Shivering, I admired the scenery. Children and dogs ran freely. There was no loud music, no showing off. Just a bunch of people truly enjoying themselves.

Inspired, I spent the whole week learning to surf with the locals. Even in the wet suit, I couldn’t feel my toes, but I didn’t mind. No one complained about the weather, so I went along. I returned again the next year. Those were some of the happiest beach memories of my life.

It’s clear that the English love and respect nature, and their country, too. They enjoy what’s given to them, in any temperatures, and don’t complain. And once I learned to go along, I, too, appreciated the humble contentment that came with this attitude.

The English pubs build communities

While America runs on coffee, England would come to a stop without alcohol. Much more than an unhealthy habit, the Englishman’s love of a drink is a source of pleasure and a chance for social bonding, both so important for enjoyment of life.

Nothing beats a good old English pub. While New Yorkers might grab an occasional cocktail on the way home, in London having a daily pint after work is almost a ritual for many. Pubs in England also carry a larger cultural significance. Much more than drinking establishments, there are places for communities to come together and check in with each other, often daily. It’s a British equivalent of hanging out on your front porch in Brooklyn. Everyone is welcome in a pub, including dogs and non-drinkers. Whether you’re having a cup of tea, or a meal, alone or with company, for a quick visit or the whole evening, there are many legit ways to enjoy yourself in a pub.

Yet what I liked the most about drinking in England was the lack of judgment or stigma that came with it. Having a drink with lunch, dinner, or even breakfast, inside or out, will not raise eyebrows or have you labeled as an alcoholic. After all, it helps you relax and let off some steam. We Americans could surely use some of that.

Once I had my first pint at a local pub, alone with my dog, I couldn’t get over how simple yet meaningful the experience was. No drunken men hitting on me, no pity looks, no judgment of any kind. Only a few laid back smiles. Not only did I feel like I truly belonged in my neighborhood, but I always had a place to relax, whenever I felt like it.

When, a year later, I got attacked in a neighborhood park, the first place I ran to for help was my pub. A stranger or a regular, you’ll find comfort and safety in your local drinking establishment.

It must be what living in an episode of Cheers feels like.

The English let their dogs run free

The English people are giant dog lovers, like Americans, but their attitude towards dogs is totally different. Instead of the anxiety and fear-driven mentality so favored in the U.S., in England, dogs are allowed freely, and without leashes, in many public places, including parks, public transport, cross-country trains, stores, pubs and other dining establishments.

It’s common for dogs to accompany their owners to all sorts of places. They’re never carried, almost never clothed, and often walk without a leash, which isn’t a big deal in the UK. Both dogs and their owners are much more relaxed and never fear that a stranger’s dog might approach or let alone bite them. Dogs are seen as friendly creatures. Probably, because in England they are. Trained and socialized well since puppyhood, they grow up more responsive and responsible.

I never had a better time with my dogs than when we lived in London. 40% of the city is made up of parks, and most of them allow for stress-free off-leash walks. We never met an aggressive dog in two years, and their owners’ attitudes towards each other were friendly and relaxed, too.

When these walks became my daily routine, I couldn’t help but feel more relaxed in general. I had some of my most memorable conversations with strangers while watching my dogs play, and made a close friend, too. While this relaxed attitude towards dog-owning took me by surprise (I, too, was leash-obsessed in the U.S.) and took me a while to adjust, once I did, I felt so much more relaxed towards both my dogs and other people.

The English make cozy homes

The English people are naturals when it comes to making cozy homes. Maybe to soften the weather’s impact, but they’re good at creating textile, wallpaper and color-rich homes, as well as sleek and modern aesthetics in more upscale urban areas. Whatever the style, homemaking is very dear to the English. And, unlike in America, interior design options are affordable and available to many.

In my decade in New York, where most people’s decorating options come from IKEA and, lately, Wayfair, I rarely met a person wanting to talk about furniture or accessories in their homes. In London, on the other hand, I often met people my age, and on my budget, telling me all about the latest table or lamp they picked up at a local retro furniture fair, so popular in England’s capital.

But it’s not just interior design. The English love their pubs, their drinking, their flowery wallpaper, their tea, pastries and fireplaces — all things cozy. And yes, their Queen and their beloved traditions. In England, the kettle is always on and the cake is always ready to be served. Sometimes I felt like I could wrap the country around my shoulders, like a warm blanket.

I, too, learned to pay special attention to every item in my house and whether it was making me feel cozy. Once you start noticing these things, you develop a habit of making yourself feel “warm” and relaxed just through your surroundings alone. And that’s a new habit I’ll cherish forever.

The English laugh more (and at themselves)

It might be a cliche, but I love the English sense of humor. Not only is it on TV, in advertisements and on everyone’s tongue, but it’s in the daily surroundings. You can find it in the loo (bathroom), at the doctor’s office, or in line at the supermarket. It really is the nation’s best coping mechanism.

Unlike us Americans, the British never take themselves too seriously. Life is simply too short for that. And being able to laugh at yourself is important for your mental well-being.

I’m definitely not an expert in British humor, but I learned to recognize and appreciate it. Every time I look at yet another overly serious and threatening sign in America, I remember a warning next to a toilet on a cross-country English train: “Do not flush paper towels or your broken dreams.”

This lightness of attitude followed me everywhere in England and made my days, and years, just a little bit more cheerful.

These days, as I contemplate moving back to London, I remember these and many more reasons why life there, while not perfect, was easier and less stressful. Stay tuned!