Self-improvement, anxiety, mental health

How I learned to manage my lifelong anxiety under lockdown

Without having a meltdown

The way we were

I was facing an uncertain work future when Covid-19 hit.

I was self-employed but had not been self-employed long enough to qualify for any government assistance. I was also the sole breadwinner. I was also vulnerable due to my lifelong respiratory issues. It was a difficult situation for everyone but those were my own particular set of challenges.

I remember feeling overwhelmed at times and having difficulty breathing some evenings. I thought it was something triggering asthma at the time, convinced myself it was Covid-19, but in reality, it was most likely a panic attack. I managed to talk myself down from them but it was pretty miserable.

I have suffered from anxiety my entire life, including in childhood. There is nothing anyone has successfully managed to offer me that alleviates it. I cannot tolerate any medication and I was meditating long before it was fashionable to do so.

Immediate changes I made

Working from home on a temporary contract I had managed to secure just before the first lockdown, I felt as though I was living in a surreal bubble of recurrent anxiety. Sometimes I could breathe properly and sometimes I couldn’t. As time wore on and it became clearer that things were becoming much more serious, my fear increased and I became more isolated.

At that point, I was trying to survive, and in order to do that while staying employed, I did the following.

I stopped watching the news

The constant updates were anxiety-inducing. If I needed to know something I checked the top stories on Google News then logged off.

I reduced my exposure to Facebook

Facebook was horrific during the pandemic. I cannot identify one solitary positive moment from the platform. I did use Twitter but in a limited way.

I classified my fears into perceived vs actual

It sounds crazy but I tried to decide when a concern, worry, a problem was perceived or actual. Sometimes in extraordinary circumstances, it is not always to tell. In the early days of the pandemic in the UK before mask-wearing was mandatory, it was unclear what you should do for the best. Some people washed their food shopping before putting it away. How real was the fear and how significant was the risk? There were a lot of voices and none of them seemed to agree. In less extraordinary circumstances, this should be an easier thing to do.

Find the advantages in a changed situation

I didn’t manage it every day but I tried to put on a fresh pot of coffee and cook myself breakfast as often as I could when working from home. I know others that went for walks. I stopped using alarm clocks altogether.

I stopped all non-work video calling

I had reached Zoom saturation point at work. I made the decision not to do it with friends and family on a weekend too.

Access the support available to you

I took a 6 month mortgage holiday. It was pretty much the only support out there for me and it did increase my payments overall but I needed breathing space.

Long term changes

I made some longer-term changes once the Covid-19 restrictions eased and were lifted.

I continued to reduce my exposure to social media.

The anti-vaxxers on Facebook were so hateful that I never fully returned to Facebook and long term I may remove my account altogether. I have never missed it. Not once. Post lockdown, I found 98% of people on Facebook profoundly annoying and a bit vapid, if the truth be told.

I redefined my working environment

Make a stand against presenteeism while understanding what working environment and pattern works best for you. In the long-term, I will work 3 days a week in the office and 2 days at home.

It is ok not to be ok

An over-usage of the term resilient has become a stick to beat people with. It is ok to need time off, to change your hours, to work from home, to spend time with loved ones. It has taken a pandemic to make people understand what is important and hopefully, those lessons learned will remain.

Continue to push the boundaries of what a new way of work and home life looks like

We have had virtual worlds for over a decade thanks to visionary people such as Philip Rosedale and virtual reality is hitting the mainstream now. I utilised Second Life much more than I did already under lockdown, and the smart people are constantly finding new platforms for interactions with their community. Keep your mind and your eyes open to new opportunities.

It is acceptable to re-evaluate your priorities post-pandemic and make changes

Ditching the commute to find a job that is more local? Finally, going after that lifelong dream job? Having that baby? For me, I went from self-employed to employed under lockdown and found myself in a new relationship with an old friend. Change can be a good thing.

Don’t wait until tomorrow when you can do it today

I signed up to do an MBA. What are you going to do today?

Know who your friends are and don’t be afraid to let go of the ones that are increasing your anxiety

We have all experienced frenemies and acquaintances that stress us out. Lockdown gave me an excuse to “lose contact” and choose not to re-establish it.

Try not to be angry at others

Don’t worry about what anyone else is doing, what they do is outside of your control.

Just do you.