How I Learned to Love Anal Sex, and How Any Woman Can, Too

Relax, take it slow, use plenty of lube, and practice makes perfect.

I didn’t start out as the anal aficionado I am today. Like many women, the idea of having something inside my butt scared me. This fear only intensified when, in my early twenties, one of my boyfriends penetrated my butt, and it hurt terribly.

He was a virgin when we met. He was jealous I’d had sex before. He wanted me to be a virgin again in the only way I could be.

He wanted to take my anal virginity.

I didn’t like the way he made me feel though, like he was forcing me to do it. He said he’d leave me unless I gave him my butt.

I gave it to him, but I did it for him, not for me.

I had anal sex for the wrong reasons, and it hurt. I also didn’t know then how to have anal sex correctly.

There’s a process a woman needs to go through for anal sex to feel good.

I believe this is the reason many women shy away from anal: they don’t know how to have it. They don’t have anal sex the right way, so of course, it hurts.

Sometimes it’s as simple as having too many negative preconceived notions about being anally penetrated. Women expect it will hurt, and so it does.

But that’s only because they’re not relaxed enough. They brace themselves for the worst, and then they’re shocked when it feels awful.

It doesn’t have to.

Not if a woman follows my time-tested tips for having mind-blowing anal sex.

Tip #1: She should explore her ass on her own.

One of the best things a woman can do to begin to ready her ass to accept something inside it is to explore her ass on her own.

When she does this, she teaches her body how to relax. She trains her anus to accept something inside it.

If she’s preoccupied with anal sex hurting, then her anus clamps up, and even a single finger inside her can feel uncomfortable.

Therefore, a good way to start to explore is by seeing what it feels like to have her own fingers inside her. She should wait to insert them only when she’s on the point of coming.

When she’s that turned on through masturbation, then her anus also becomes aroused.

The same way the clit and the vulva become engorged with blood when a woman’s turned on, the opening to the anus does the same thing.

The nerve endings come alive, and that’s when it feels absolutely exquisite to have something inside her anus.

When a woman explores on her own, she can also be sure to only insert her finger as far as it feels comfortable. The moment it starts to hurt, she can stop.

The more she experiments, the more she’ll stop fearing those sensations, and the more she’ll begin to crave them.

That’s exactly what happened to me.

Of course, some women feel uncomfortable about inserting their own fingers into their asses. As such, she might want to use a toy. There are some slender dildos and butt plugs on the market for just that purpose.

Tip #2: Explore with analingus.

Perhaps the best way for a woman to become used to having her ass played with is by having her lover lick it. When a man licks a woman’s ass, she starts to understand just how sensitive that part of her body is.

The sensation of a tongue going around in circles on her anus is a beautiful feeling.

As a man licks her there, he also lubes her butt with his saliva. At that point, her ass becomes wet enough for him to slip in a digit.

If she’s never had anything in her butt before, I don’t advise inserting more than a knuckle.

Listen to her cues. She’ll let you know if she wants you deeper.

I’ve often found myself so turned on by that point that I’m literally pushing back onto a man’s hand to ease him deeper into my ass. Or I’ll grab his hand to wedge his fingers further inside me.

But I didn’t get to this point in one day. It took years of practice.

Tip #3: Slow is the way to go.

It should go without saying that taking anal slowly is the rule. Anything you do involving the anus should always move at a slow rate.

The idea is to get a woman over the mental barrier against having something in her ass.

When couples jump too quickly into anal sex, a woman doesn’t have the time to accustom herself to the feeling of having her ass penetrated. A man might mistakenly penetrate her before she’s ready.

So start with the tongue, then insert a finger slowly.

By the time a man gets around to putting his penis there, she’ll be practically begging him to.

But only if he starts slowly.

A man has to treat a woman’s ass differently than he would her vagina. He can’t thrust his penis inside her in one stroke. He needs to ease it in slowly.

Let her push back onto him so she controls how fast and deep she’s being penetrated.

And then in terms of the quickness of a man’s thrusts, again that’s up to her.

I’ve had some amazing anal-sex experiences, just fucking the tip of a man’s dick. Sometimes that’s enough. He doesn’t even have to be all the way inside me.

Or I’ve had a man’s penis inside of me while he remains still.

But of course, when I’m turned on enough, I can take hard, fast thrusts in my ass. But only when I’m ready, after a slow build-up.

Tip #4: Use toys in the ass while having vaginal sex.

Not only should a woman explore with toys in her butt when she masturbates, but she can also take toys there during vaginal sex.

A toy (or a finger) in the bottom is also incredibly pleasurable when a woman is receiving cunnilingus.

And yet there’s nothing quite like a thin plug in her ass while she’s getting fucked vaginally.

A good position is when a gal’s on her side. This way, she has more control over how deep the toy goes into her ass while her lover’s penetrating her vagina.

But if she’s a more experienced anal player like I am, then doggy-style sex is a great position for anal play.

While a man takes a woman from behind in her vagina, he can either dip his fingers in or push a small dildo in and out of her ass.

Tip #5: Maintain her arousal during anal sex.

Unfortunately, anal sex can prove less than pleasurable when a couple fails to maintain a woman’s arousal during the anal part of the experience.

I like to have my vagina stimulated the entire time I’m being penetrated anally.

Just like a man’s penis can go from an aroused state to an unaroused one when stimulation stops, a woman’s vaginal arousal can also fade.

That’s why it’s so important to keep her vagina stimulated during anal sex.

And yet, even as I write this, there have been times when I’ve begged a man to take my ass without even needed him to keep touching my vagina.

But of course, that was only after he’d thoroughly turned me on before penetrating my ass.

Tip #6: Use lube — lots of it.

Let’s not forget one of the most important aspects of having a good anal-sex experience: use liberal amounts of lube to lubricate the ass.

It wasn’t my intention to do anyone a disservice by listing this particular tip way down here, but I think you guys are more sophisticated than that. Did you really need me to tell you that the anus is not a self-lubricating orifice?

Besides, the fact is you can douse a woman’s body in a bucket of the highest quality lube, and anal sex still won’t feel good for her if you haven’t first carried out the aforementioned steps.

Tip #7: Smoke cannabis.

If you’re lucky to live somewhere where cannabis is legal, I recommend a gal smoke some before having anal sex. I personally turn into an anal fiend when I smoke cannabis.

In fact, my deepest anal explorations have taken place while smoking.

When I smoke cannabis, my body relaxes in a powerful way. My stress melts. My muscles go slack.

My nerve endings light up. Just like my clit and vulva become more sensitized, so does my anus.

Then I don’t just want my ass penetrated — I need it penetrated.

At that point, I’m up for anything. Fingers, toys, penis — I love it all.

In conclusion, I recognize that I’m different than most women. Not only am I incredibly sexually open, but I’ve worked in the sex industry for years.

I’ve had no choice but to become very open about sex in general. I’ve had an incentive to learn how to have enjoyable anal sex because so many of my clients ask for it.

And yet I firmly believe that if a woman follows my time-tested tips, she can get herself there, too.

A man just needs to be understanding. Having anal sex is a big step for a woman. It’s an incredibly intimate place for her to let a man explore.

To open up our asses, and let a man inside us — that’s big.

It takes time and patience to get there. But if I got there, any woman can.