How I Learned to Build a Relationship with a Dog

And why I used to be scared of them

A lot of people never understood my fear. My fear of dogs. Why would anyone be afraid of such a loving creature? That’s what most people were thinking. And I do understand them. Now. After I’ve lost my fear.

After I understood why I used to be scared of dogs, it was easier to deal with the fear. To work with it. And to eventually leave it behind. The fear of dogs. The process of it taught me a lot. And today I do understand both sides. I understand those who see the dog as their best friend. And those who are scared of them. Who get panic attacks when they see a dog. I understand them better than ever before. Because I learned why I was once in that situation.

Background story

I grew up in a flat. No pets were allowed except from spiders and other insects. None of my friends had a dog. Nor a cat. I was 21 when I touched a cat for the first time in my life. 21 years old. And realised that I am actually allergic to them. Never knew it before. How should I?

My only meetings with dogs happened on the fields. While I was cycling or doing my rounds with the inline skates. Definitely not a good situation to run into a dog. If you’re moving fast. They will chase you. If they’re not trained well enough. Later I understood that it’s actually the owners fault. They taught them it’s okay to chase people. But that time I didn’t care. I saw a dog. That scared me already. And then he would start running towards me. Not good. Freaked me out. And so I speed up. Even worse.

And this is how I lived through the years. Whenever I would spot a dog I would try to do a big detour around him. To avoid any close contact.

My mom wouldn’t understand my behaviour. Apparently I had it since I was a toddler. She said they had to leave once a restaurant because I wouldn’t stop crying because there was a dog inside the restaurant. But she also wouldn’t understand me, because she grew up totally different. She grew up in Romania. In a farm house. With dogs in the yard. And each and everyone of her neighbours had at least one dog. So obviously she was fine with dogs. And obviously she wouldn’t understand my behaviour. How should she?

The change

I was 21 years young when I moved to Namibia. I was planning on staying for three months, but ended up living and working there for four years.

By that time I lived on the property of my boss. And her dog. I’ve met him before when I came visiting as a tourist and went sandboarding with her. Horrible. He is the worst kind of dog. For the fear I had. He is relatively tall. Loves people. Loves greeting them. And especially loved people who had a fear of dogs.

But!

I wasn’t given a choice. He did not care that I didn’t like him. Or any other dogs. That I was afraid of him. And all the other dogs. He just always came and sat right next to me. Or half on top of me. Not doing anything, just sitting there.

I was only for a week in the country when my boss left me for a couple of weeks to fly home and visit her mom. She left me with the business. The house. The cat. And the dog. There, I was stuck. With my fear.

And I’m telling you this dog cured my fear. He helped me to get through this time where I had so many responsibilities in a country and a business which were still new to me. He always stayed by my side. Calm and peaceful. But always smiling.

He showed me that there is no reason why I should be scared of him. And there wasn’t any. Because he is the most loving dog ever. And so I started getting along with him. Going for walks on the beach. Visit friends. Who all had dogs. If other dogs would come great me and try to jump up on me it would still be a bit scary for me. I’ve spent quite some time on benches and the back of cars until the dog’s excitement came down and my body could relax.

It took me a few years until I got rid of my fear entirely. And all these years this dog stayed on my side. Looking after me. Healing me.

The bond

Over the years we actually build up a very close relationship to each other. We spend a lot of time walking on the beach. Where I would be hanging in my own thoughts. And he would be hanging in the bushes or somewhere else. I never had him on the leash. He was such a well trained dog. He wouldn’t chase anyone. Or anything. Except for cats. But that didn’t bother me. And he would chase me down the dune. When I would go sandboarding. And that, I started loving. It created a special bond between us. The skill we had. To slide and run down together. Without crashing into each other. (Most of the times at least.)

He would be there when I just wanted to be alone. He would just come and sit next to me, or lie in front of the floor of my flat. Wouldn’t move from the step. Even if the door was closed. I knew he was there. Kind of looking after me. And he did!

The lessons

I learned from him that there is always a reason to be happy. Because he would always be happy. Unless I would go somewhere without him. But then he would be happy when I come back. So I was happy most of the times too. He also taught me I shouldn’t go to the small dogs. Big dogs are fine. But small dogs are dodgy. He didn’t like them and always made a big detour around them. So did I. But I wasn’t scared of them anymore.

He loved spending the afternoon walking with me on the beach. Or doing some activities with friends. But he would also be happy just lying on his bed and doing nothing. So I learned that it is okay to sometimes just do nothing.

It’s amazing how much I learned from this dog. And even though I left the country and came back only a year later. When I walked through that door. He was standing there. Tail wagging. As if nothing happened. Excited as always. To see me. To greet me. As if I didn’t abandon him for an entire year. Just like good friends. Those ones with whom you don’t talk for months. But when you see them again it’s just like nothing changed. You continue where you left before.

I do know that humans are scared of the unknown. Of anything they don’t know. Anything that is new to them is a potential fear. Because we don’t know what to expect. We don’t know how it behaves. And therefore we don’t know how we should behave. That is how I created the fear of dogs. And probably a lot of other people too.

But I am lucky. Because I am healed. And now I do know how to appreciate the love of a dog. And his loyalty.

And I thank him for that.

A lot.

It changed my life. It some way. And in other ways too.

My life now is constantly surrounded by dogs. From friends. Even from family. And I’m okay with it. And actually enjoy it.

One day when I settle down and decide to have kids. I will also have a dog. Because I don’t want my children to grow up with the same fear I did. And because I want them to experience the love of an animal. A love that is so different from any love that we humans share between each other.