How I Learned To Accept My Brokenness As Life Credentials.
Let’s sit down and have a heart-to-heart.

As an acutely shy boy and adult child, I struggle with all kinds of relationships, especially meeting strangers.
After a few decades of drugs, crime, custody, cult membership, promiscuity, and turbulent relationships; five years ago a marital breakdown turned me inwards for intense introspection.
In the early stages, loneliness reared its ugly head, but I soon began to love my own company.
However, socialising was never my forte, and having lost interest in TV and other media some twenty years ago. I still don’t own a TV, and know very little about the usual small talk, or light conversations that furnish the dinner table.
Thus, my intellectual mind, often bugs out about me not being sociable and fitting in with the Jones’s.
It reached a climax this Christmas.
When the same negative chatter arose, concerning my general reluctance to socialise and partake in quiz games, or converse on topics such as sports, celebrities, and movies; I questioned the wisdom that deems the ups and downs of life as precise.
For over the last five years of deep introspection and cutting-edge meditation. I’ve been endowed with an acute understanding of the human journey.
So should I really be concerned about my introversive self? Or should I be celebrating the beauty in the brokenness that allowed storage space for rare jewels?
Redeem Your Jewels From The Human Scrap-Yard.
The whole deliberation reminded me of the movie — ‘Beauty in the Broken’ — which takes us beyond the human plague of judgement, to gather diamonds from the brokenness of human beings.
A psychiatrist falls in love with a woman who is homeless, dirty, and collecting garbage from trash cans. She’s not a patient, but when he administered therapy, his colleague reminded him of the intellectual code.
Compliance with the code meant ending the relationship, which betrayed the merging of two yearning hearts; thus, the love-struck doctor returned to his intelligent heart space and embraced the moment.
So when I weighed my brokenness against my favourite conversation — the human journey, and all its shades, especially warts: the shy and unsociable me didn’t seem so heavy.
After a fierce deliberation and much resistance, I sided with the intelligent heart-space, who instructed: accept who you are dude, it’s all for a good reason, life is precise.
The human scrapyard is full of deep-set and bezel-rounded diamonds; as well as precious pearls formed through layers of adversity and misery.
It’s here, wise managers, trainers, producers, and directors, carry out a multitude of auditions to recruit uncut talent. Yet, the human scrapyard is shunned and ridiculed by intellectuals who, although blessed with two beautiful sides of life, have labeled one as bad.
Sadly, some intellectual millionaires murder their families and commit suicide to avoid being thrown on the scrap heap of financial ruin. While those who are dragged into the scrapyard by life, come out the other side triumphantly.
When an interviewer asked Mike Tyson, what did it feel like to lose $180 million, he replied, ‘relieved.’ Yes, he was thrown on the scrap heap with pain and heartache; where he learned the invaluable difference between one’s intellectual head-space and intelligent heart-space; and is now wealthy again.
If The Path Has Heart Follow It.
It’s been a long walk on a short path toward my heart-space, and I’m still not home. But what had once seemed unreachable is now in good reach.
Thus, I embarked upon the task of integrating this apparently broken part of me, I’d resisted for decades.
Resistance from the intellectual mind — which passes judgement upon anything that moves —plus that which doesn’t. Creates emotional pain by obstructing the flow of intelligent energy passing through my body, impartially.
Judgement makes a futile attempt to separate that which cannot be separated. While the delusional mind disintegrates the integrated, in order to render it evil or bad. Hence, the greatest evil of all, could well be the hypocritical judgement of the brokenness in human beings.
Don’t get me wrong, intellect is a great tool, but like a sharp knife in the hand of a child, we dissect ourselves and those around us. Self-judgement is the deepest of cuts. For once we judge ourselves we judge all and sundry.
Especially broken and uncut diamonds in the ruff; seeking a place to lay their weary head; meanwhile self-medicating by any means necessary. Thus, further judgement by hypocritical voices, whose noses tilt too high to smell the same fertile manure nourishing every human being.
Whose addiction to caffeine, nicotine, or that daily glass of wine. Is too ‘minor’ to recognise their inherent place in the human race of compulsive behaviour. So on goes the perpetual impetus behind the shame and pain scattered throughout our human scrap yards.
Yes, surely there exist some individuals the public must be protected from, definitely. But most people, especially those in authority, don’t understand the human journey. For example, what makes a human being, a human doing?
Or how the accomplishments of great artists, such as Robbie Williams, are driven by the same stinking manure which had him addicted to cocaine and alcohol.
For it’s always the ‘good’ who label the ‘bad’. Yet, convicted prisoners save the life of dying prison officers, and prevent female officers from being raped. While qualified doctors are convicted of killing their patients, or making false diagnosis’ to rob their patients of hard-earned cash.
Of course, this is not the majority, but neither are all people who take drugs and commit crimes, bad. The solution is to understand the human journey. Understand what it means to be free from moral and mental pollution — immaculate.
Understand why holistic wellness is dependent upon full acceptance of the human journey; and each inevitable moment is ram packed with riches, regardless of which way it goes. The reward is well worth unlearning our conditioning, and diving deep into the intelligent heart space; to come again from a humanitarian perspective.
In the movie, Beauty in the Broken, the doctor was blessed with a quote, attributed to Carlos Casteneda: — ‘if the path has heart follow it.’
For a path to have heart, it must come from the essence of a human being and not just one’s intellectual mind. Of course, intellect is employed but carefully guided by the hand of greater intelligence; to prevent it from leading us down a short and narrow path.
For the space we really see from is long and wide. Yet, as Krishna Murti said, ‘we analyse trivial matters deeply and fundamental matters shallow.’
Acceptance Gives Value.
Having been judged by parents, teachers, police, prison, and probation officers; the courts, social workers, girlfriends, spouse, siblings, friends and foes.
None of them cut as deep as my own self-judgement.
But when I check in on my heart-space. I see the bright luster of pearls made from layers of adversity and misery.
Yet, only through acceptance have decades of madness, mayhem, and confusion, converted to invaluable life credentials. As one’s brokenness is priceless when integrated.
Thus, the task at hand is to continue observing the judgement of my intellectual mind, while embracing the intelligent heart-space.
So ask yourself, does the path have heart? If so — follow it.
Thank you for reading.
Kensu Fetsani.
