How I Learned That ‘Looks Aren’t Everything’

Guys, if you believe your physical imperfections are preventing you from landing a date, you’re not alone.

I used to feel the same…

Back in 2013, I couldn’t land a date no matter what I tried.

I’d be out in bars and clubs trying to meet women on most weekends, but I’d repel almost everyone I spoke to.

At the time, I figured this my due to my appearance.

Until, I turned things around…

Now, it’s become clear that, while your appearance does play a role in whether women will be attracted to you, it’s not nearly as much as most men believe.

In my experience, it’s more important to display attractive personality traits, such as assertiveness, charisma, confidence and a sense of humor.

With these skills locked down, you can attract women whether you’re bald, short, skinny, fat, black, white or whatever your insecurity is.

It was an incredibly painful experience which taught me this lesson. But I’m glad I went through it…

It put me on the path to becoming a dating and relationships blogger, who helps other men overcome their insecurities.

How I discovered that looks really aren’t that important

On Christmas Eve 2012, my girlfriend, my true love, my everything CHEATED on me.

The resulting break-up shattered my confidence, my positivity, everything good about my personality.

I was miserable, bitter and desperate to find a new relationship. Life wasn’t going well and it like I needed a new girlfriend to help turn it around. At the very least, she could stop me feeling so jaded and heartbroken.

Of course, I’d try to hide this when meeting new women, but that’s easier said than done.

When you’re miserable and desperate for love, it shows in your actions, your body language and the energy you put out into the world. Most people can sense this energy pretty quickly — and no-one wants it in their life.

Perhaps your friends and family will put up with it, but party girls in a nightclub will dismiss you straight away.

The problem was: I couldn’t see this problem in myself. I was stuck in the mainstream belief that women only blow out guys because they’re ugly.

This led to a downward spiral. The more women would reject me, the less I believed in myself, the worse the situation got.

How you can turn around your dry spell

My dry spell lasted 12 months. A full year without sex.

Thankfully, it turned around following a couple of exciting life events in the New Year. I’d been offered an awesome new job in London — and invited to appear on one of the UK’s most popular reality TV shows.

Once I’d moved to the capital, I felt a new sense of self-esteem. I made new friends. I discovered a new-found excitement for life. And, as if by magic, this is when women started showing interest again.

Funny, that. I looked the same. I dressed the same. Nothing about my appearance had changed. The only difference was the energy I was putting out to the world.

It was only a couple of years later, when I began studying psychology and social dynamics, that this U-turn began to make sense.

Your vibe is so important to your success (or lack of it) in dating. Your energy is infectious. If you feel excited about life, other people will feel excited to be around you. It’s an incredibly attractive quality — and in my experience — far more important than your physical appearance.

I was fortunate enough to have my everyday circumstances change for the better.

But this isn’t necessary for you to start feeling awesome about yourself.

In my current role as a confidence coach, I have discovered plenty of exercises which can help you build self-confidence, erase the hang-ups around your physical imperfections and develop the awesome fun personality that women love to be around.

• Engage in self-esteem exercises. My favorite one involves writing a list of 50 awesome things about your personality.
• Learn to embrace any aspect of your appearance that you can’t improve.
• Improve the parts of your appearance than can be improved. A great start could be focusing on your diet, exercise regime or fashion sense. This can work wonders for your self-esteem, as well as bless you with more energy.
• Work on your sense of humor and general communication skills. These can both be improved with practice.
• Surround yourself only with people who support you. People who belittle you are not your friends.
• Make time to enjoy your life! Hang out with friends! Throw parties! Express yourself! Have fun!

From there, start approaching the women you’re attracted to.

Maybe you currently find this intimidating, but it gets easier the more you do it.

Eventually, you realize that being turned down isn’t as embarrassing as you’d imagine (especially as your self-esteem grows).

In fact, it’s likely you’ll feel incredibly empowered for having the balls to go for what you want — and you may even get the confidence boost of the interaction going better than you thought.

As this happens, it becomes simpler to approach women with the confidence and charisma they find incredibly attractive.

You’ll be surprised how far this can get you on its own. Beautiful women have told me how rare it is that a guy can ‘act normal’ around them, without showing nerves or feeling the need to put on a song and dance. So, when they do come across a guy who can be cool, fun and secure with himself, he stands out. No matter what he looks like.

Perhaps more importantly, you’ll feel fantastic in your own body. You’ll glide through your everyday life with less stress weighing on your shoulders and less anxiety cluttering your thoughts. You’ll feel happier, more empowered to make bold moves and (hopefully) more excited about what the future holds. This vibe is incredibly infectious and serves to make people want to be around you. As you can imagine, this can attract great opportunities in your career and social life, as well as with the opposite sex.

Go out and see for yourself

There’s plenty of evidence that good-looking people have it easier in life.

You may well have a non-charismatic friend who kills it with the opposite sex. Perhaps you know a male model who is never short of romantic options.

There’s no benefit in comparing yourself to these guys. Their success doesn’t stop you meeting fantastic women.

Go out and see for yourself.

The more women you speak to, the easier it will be to see how insignificant your physical flaws really are.

If you struggle to approach women in a smooth and confident manner, download my free e-book How To Conquer Social Anxiety. It explains why this fear exists and is packed with solutions for overcoming it.