How I increased my confidence

And you can do it too

I’m about to walk into a room where I literally only know one or two other persons. I’m nervous, and I think a lot of people would be nervous if they were in the same situation. To be honest, I’m terrified.

At the same time, there are these other people that are in the exact same situation, but they don’t look or sound nervous at all. Am I alone in being a bit jealous of them? Or even annoyed that I’m here struggling, and for them, it’s just a walk in the park.

Back to us nervous and shy people that would pay someone to be teleported out of the room, who wants to avoid most people. Is it possible to become as confident as the person that takes the room with a storm and ooze of confidence? I’m not sure I’ll ever be as confident, but I’m sure I have improved with some easy tricks.

The V

At some point in my life, I watched a Ted talk where the person lecturing explained that if you held your arms in a big V above your head for a certain amount of time, you would become more confident.

The explanation of this was that we are biologically programmed to feel more confident being in a confident pose. When you make the V, you’re essentially making yourself bigger and a more dangerous predator. The same goes the other way around; if you, for example, curl yourself into a ball, you’ll become smaller and lose confidence.

To be honest, I always think of it as one of the bears in the movies, one of those who stands up on two legs before it’s going to attack. Here it’s big and confident; however, if it decides not to attack, it will always run away on four legs and seem smaller.

I have tried making the V, and the truth is it works. At least it did for me. The problem with making the V is that people might look funny at you if you decide to suddenly just put your hands above your head and hold still in that position. However, it’s a great tool to use if you have some alone time, for example, in a bathroom before a big presentation or another situation where you’d wish for a little more confidence.

Preparation

I like to prepare for situations I can prepare for. Yes, that’s the truth. I feel more vulnerable in situations where I don’t feel in control, and accordingly, my confidence falls drastically. How I prepare can just be something simple like having planned some topics I can talk about if I know I’m going to have conversations with people I don’t know, and I’m afraid we’ll run out of things to talk about, resulting in awkward silence.

Fake it until you make it

To be honest, I’m a big fan of faking it until you make it, and the reason for this is that I believe that you are what you believe you are. I mean, I’ve read tons of people saying be nice to yourself, recognize what you are good at, etc. And yes, I can see where they are coming from, and I’m not saying that it doesn’t work. But at the moment where you lack confidence, pretend you are the most confident person on earth. And you know what, after some time, you might start to believe that you are that confident.

In any situation where I feel insecure, I tell myself that I’m in control and doing great. And yes, that actually makes me calmer, and it boosts my confidence. I’m a firm believer that you will become what you think you are, meaning that if you tell yourself how scared and that you can’t do what you’ve set your mind to, it will become the truth. On the other hand, if you tell yourself how great you’ll do and act as if you are that great, I’m certain that you will end up that great.

Yes, it might be halfhearted and scary as hell in the beginning. But what do you have to lose? Give it a try and find out if it works for you.