Law of Attraction

How I Imagined Myself Out of Poverty

From peanuts to macadamia nuts

So I woke up this morning taken aback by the sheer growth, the incredible inflation, and soaring heights of my Medium stats. I’m not one to boast or aggrandize, let alone advertize my overachieving results as a writer, but let me go ahead and display them in front of your envying eyes.

These are the kind of majestic green graphs that make you leave your low rent apartment with a swagger. You feel like you’re decked to the nines in bling even though you’re only really loafing around in your sweat pants. But, as any law of attraction expert will tell you, it’s not material reality that matters, but rather how you feel about it.

And I felt LARGE, grandiose, big, like a platinum gold Medium top dog. Like a sort of guru or mentor who had the power to dispense advice to the rest of the aspiring, adulation-filled Medium crowd of hopefuls.

I was so taken with my huge earnings that I strolled straight past the cheap peanut aisle at the grocery store in my pajama slacks and bought premium gold macadamia nuts: the nut for kings. (Unsplashed doesn’t have a picture of this royal nut, so you’ll have to use your imagination.)

All you need to know is that royal macadamia nuts sell for $25 dollars per pound, while peasant peanuts sell for 25 cents per pound. When you bowl up to the automated check out aisle with these little gold nuggets, you can’t help but attract envious side-glances from your fellow chronically economically depressed peanut shoppers.

My pops used to tell me, “money doesn’t grow on trees, kid.” He also used to say, “Carlo, if you had a brain, you’d be dangerous.” He was wrong on both counts. Money does grow on trees, and the reason I am dangerous is because of my enormous imagination.

As the Law of Attraction experts will tell you, the bigger you dream, the bigger your house will be. Just take a look at this article, transparently called How To Manifest A House Fast, which breaks down for you how to go from rags to riches in 4 simple, easy, wildly irrational steps.

1. “Know what you want.” Could be anything. Do you want to fly like a bird? Go live on Mars? Live to age 300? Or just own a house and yacht in the Caymans? Don’t sell yourself short. I wanted macadamia nuts.
2. “Visualize your house.” You read that right. Just close your eyes and start dreaming. I was so in love with my cramped inner-city studio apartment that I was content to dream instead of macadamia nuts. So I got what I dreamt. Like science. Cause and effect. Karma. 2 plus 2 equals 4. Badabing Badaboom.
3. “Believe you are worth it.” Just feel entitled. The more entitled, the better. Believe you are a Queen or a Czar or a CEO of some top 5 Forbes Company. Walk around believing the world owes you something. I believed I was a 200 X Top Medium Writer with world class stats who deserved to eat macadamia nuts.
4. “Practice oneness.” I shit you not. It’s best if I directly quote the article’s elaboration of this fourth and final step: “Be at one with your house and the person you would need to be in order to have your house.” Can you now see why my grumpy working class pops was so wrong when he told me money doesn’t grow on trees? Clearly my old man wasn’t dreaming long and hard enough.

I practiced being one with my macadamia nuts and the nuts kept coming, every single week, as my high earning Medium stats kept growing and growing.

So the next time some sour grape, peanut-eating pessimist tells you to get real about your life or your financial situation, go tell him or her to shove a macadamia nut up their ass.

© Carlo Zeno 2022

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Thanks for reading, and special thanks to Smillew Rahcuef for providing a platform for hard realism. If you would like to support, consider shouting me a coffee or reading two more treats below. 🙏