How I Got My Students to Change

Oh, it was so easy!

I remember the day my students made me cry.

At this point, I was 24 years old, and I had been a teacher for about 2 years.

My tears were not out of sadness.

They were out of frustration. Anger. Disappointment.

I was pissed.

I wanted to scream at them. Curse them.

Since I didn’t want to get fired, I decided to step out of the classroom. I went to the teacher’s lounge to vent a bit. Luckily, there was no one there.

How I wanted to get back and tell them everything I thought they deserved: they were going to be a bunch of losers, they would never amount to anything in life!

I wanted to tell them that and much more.

And what had been my students’ crime?

Not being quiet while I talked.

That’s right. I wanted them to be in silence as I poured into them all of my wisdom.

Also, I required them to complete all of the assignments the second I asked for them.

Oh, and I wanted them to respect me…whatever that meant.

To achieve that, I would scream at them. Threaten them.

“I will have you suspended for a week. I will call your parents. I will give you extra homework.”

Nothing worked. They kept on “disrespecting” me. At the end of each school day, my throat would be sore, as I kept trying to scream louder than them.

I was pretty sure they hated me.

Well…I hated them too.

And then the crying incident happened.

After a few minutes of being alone, a fellow teacher came in. As fate would have it, she was one of my closest friends.

Even though I had wiped my tears away, she knew something was off.

“What is it?” she asked.

“Nothing.”

She just looked at me.

“I saw you leave your classroom in a rush.”

“Oh.”

Then I told her everything: how they never paid attention to me, how I had to scream so they could hear what I was saying, how disrespectful they were…

“It is a shame. I mean, they could learn so much from you…but you shouldn’t let it get to you.”

And that was it. The school day was over, and everybody went home.

But, as I drove, I couldn’t stop thinking about those words: “you shouldn’t let it get to you.”

“Well, no, I suppose I shouldn’t.”

If you are expecting a story of how a teacher turned her class around overnight through an inspirational strategy, you are kind of in the wrong place.

First of all, it wasn’t overnight. It took me several months, but I decided to set a new mindset: I wasn’t going to get angry. No matter what students said to me, I was going to ignore, deflect, or simply make a joke about it.

Funny thing: I did stop getting angry.

There were still students who would talk while I gave instructions or would refuse to do their work. I decided that I would simply remind them how this affected their grade and then keep on going with my work. Also, I would focus on talking to the students who were paying attention and proceed as if everything were “normal.”

The strangest thing? Once I stop pestering students with constant requests for silence…they would actually be quiet. They would urge each other to pay attention to the class or, at least, allow the rest of the students to listen to what was being said.

Semesters went by. I kept on using this strategy, adapting it to the students in my charge. Then the school administration made a significant change.

From now on, each class would have a “counselor.” Basically, this person was going to be a teacher who, despite not having any kind of training on this, would devote one hour a week to work with a preassigned class on strategies to improve their self-esteem and personal motivation.

They gave us some handbooks and a few crash courses on motivation but…come on…none of us wanted to do this. Still, we had to.

So, there I was, having to tell my students why it was essential to fight for their dreams, why they needed to identify their goals, and create plans to help them get there.

At the moment, I didn’t know why, but whenever the time came to teach this “motivational” class, I felt like puking. I definitively didn’t want to do this. Besides, the kids had zero interest. All of the teachers agreed: the students couldn’t care less about the message we were trying to get across. Everybody wanted this program to stop.

But it didn’t. In fact, they turned it into a permanent program.

Everybody groaned. “Come on! Are we going to have to put on this charade semester after semester?”

Then, one day, I got lucky. Due to some changes in my schedule, I was out of the program. I was to stick to my regular classes. I was so happy.

I just kept thinking about what a failure those sessions were. The students would just look at me with a blank stare as we went through lessons allegedly designed to inspire and motivate them.

Another funny thing happened then. Mainly because it wasn’t funny at all.

For many years, I have struggled with depression. I don’t know if my depression is a consequence of my food-addiction…or if my food addiction is a consequence of being depressed. The point is, these two have always been hand in hand.

Also, for most of my life, I had been in a “one-day” attitude.

One day, I was going to get in shape.

One day, I was going to be a writer.

One day, I was going to write screenplays.

One. Day.

Due to several health issues, which included a neck injury, I had to make changes to improve my health. I didn’t plan it that way, but it turns out I ended up improved my mental health too.

Suddenly, I found myself writing every day. And taking workshops in documentary filmmaking and acting. And I began taking self-defense lessons.

I even started learning about secular Buddhism and stoicism, which has had a significant impact on my current mindset.

For the first time in decades, I did not feel like dying.

And it showed.

Other teachers would tell me. And, above all, my students would notice too.

“Teach, you are always smiling!”

“Am I?”

“Yes, you are.”

Something else has happened. I have found myself actually talking to them. In the past, there had been a few students who had felt comfortable with me and trusted me enough to speak to me.

But now, whenever I get to a classroom, I’m smiling…and the students smile back. And, even though the classes I teach do not belong to that “special motivational” program, students come to me to ask my opinion in different matters related to their academic future.

I have found myself connecting with my students way more than I ever did during those “motivational” program sessions.

“Well, maybe they don’t hate me anymore. Maybe these students are different from the ones I had before. Maybe things have changed.”

That’s when it hit me:

No, things have not changed. I have been a teacher for over 16 years now, and I can tell you that the usual bureaucracy that surrounds and impairs teaching is still there. And students are always the same: full of energy they are unsure how to use, brimming with curiosity they haven’t learned how to focus, and hyper vulnerable to criticism.

No, the school hasn’t changed. The young people that come here every day haven’t changed.

But something is different, that’s for sure:

I have changed.

And that has made all the difference in the world.

Why did those motivational classes piss me off that much? Because I knew I was being a hypocrite. There I was, telling these young people to “go after their dreams,” all while I kept mine in the drawing board.

Why did my first students use to make me so angry? Because they didn’t pay the attention I thought I deserved just by being me, even though I didn’t care a bit about them.

So, does this mean everything is perfect now?

No. Come on, I work at a high-school!

But, I cannot deny it. When I get to the classroom with a smile on me, students tend to smile back. When I approach them with genuine care, they respond with sincere attention. When I prove to them that I consider them worthy of respect, they tend to give this respect back to me.

Who would have thought that to change my students, all I had to do was change myself?

Easy-peasy, right?

Easy-peasy…