How I Found Out I Have Aphantasia At The Age Of 52

I thought it was normal

Aphantasia, what does it mean?

Aphantasia is the inability to voluntarily create mental images in one’s mind.[1]

I was 52 years of age. I was reading a book in the lounge room and my son and his girlfriend were also in the room doing their own thing.

Suddenly my son asks, “how do you spell Adidas?”

There was silence in the room, between my son and his girlfriend, but his girlfriend had closed her eyes. She then opens them and spells the word.

My son looks at her and asks, “what did you just do? Why did you close your eyes?”

She replies, “I pictured, in my head, the shoe box with the brand name on the side.”

My head whips up and I look at my son and he looks at me.

I respond, “what do you mean, you pictured it in your head?”

She replies, “exactly that. I imagined the picture and once I could see it in my mind, I could tell you how it was spelt.”

My son and I are speechless and confused. I could see the confusion on his face as I kept looking at him and I guess he could see the confusion on mine too.

I ask again, “sorry to repeat myself but did you really see a picture in your head?”

She replies, “yes of course, why?”

Well it was that very instance, I realised that I was different, I cannot see things in my mind, or my head. When I try it’s just black and I’ve always believed this to be normal. I believed, when someone said to picture something in your head, that this was just a figure of speech. I never dreamed that most people can actually do this.

It seems that I was not alone that day. My son, who was 22 years of age, was the same as me. Although he too, thought he was normal and picturing something in your head was a ‘common saying’ and nothing more.

I guess this would explain why I have a terrible sense of direction and I find visual meditation absolutely impossible.

Fifty two years it took me to learn that, in this sense, I was different.

To take it one step further, recently my sister asked me if I hear her voice in my head when I read a text message from her? I thought about it and said no it’s my voice I hear reading the message, why? She went on to explain that when she reads my text messages, she hears my voice, as if I was speaking to her.

Of course, I had to ask the question! “Sis, can you picture things in your mind?”

Her response, “yes vividly. I can picture your house in my mind, so vividly, that I can walk through each room, as if I was actually there.”

Well it’s obvious she does not suffer from Aphantasia!

Thank you for reading.

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