How I Found Direction in Life

From feeling lost and insecure to knowing who I am and what I want

What I am, and what I am not

I am not an expert in any field. In fact, I lack most of the accolades that are used to measure success in the modern age: I dropped out of college, I don’t have much of a “career” to speak of, I don’t have a lot of money, I don’t own a house, I don’t even have a driver’s license. According to conventional standards, I am exceptionally unexceptional.

But I have something else which most people don’t. I can confidently say that I have undergone an epic journey of self-discovery. I have spent many years in relentless pursuit of self-understanding. Instead of going the traditional route like most people, I went a different way. I went in search of answers to life’s most profound questions — who am I, what am I doing here, what’s the meaning of life? Questions that we don’t often ask ourselves, except perhaps in tragic circumstances.

I have dedicated my entire adult life to this pursuit, and in so doing I have gained a kind of insight that cannot be obtained by merely studying philosophy or metaphysics. An insight that comes only from inquiring directly into the depths of one’s own mind.

Feeling lost and confused

Throughout adolescence, I was consumed by intense preoccupations about the nature of life and reality. I was simultaneously fascinated yet frightened by these questions. My surroundings did not produce any satisfactory answers. Other people didn’t think about these kinds of things, it seemed. It gave rise to a sense of existential angst that endured for many years.

Emerging from adolescence, I came to a crossroads: follow my peers on the “traditional path” — go to college, pursue a career, buy a house. Or, go a different way entirely.

Rejecting the traditional path

The traditional path did not appeal to me. It seemed so predictable and monotonous. Where is the adventure and freedom? It seemed to me like living someone else’s vision of what life should be, instead of living my own. My heart yearned for something else, something more. I didn’t know exactly where or what it was, but I knew it was not that.

I wanted to find out who I really was — beyond the confines of my home. What do I truly care about, what kind of life do I want, what does “success” mean to me? Nothing was more important to me than finding answers to these profound preoccupations. I had the intuitive feeling that, in order to find the truth, I must go elsewhere.

Venturing into the unknown

And so off I went — venturing into the unknown, forging my own path through the undergrowth. I didn’t know where my path would lead — it could just as easily lead to tragedy as to paradise. Death and Enlightenment were equal possibilities, and there was no way to predict which I might stumble upon first.

“Every worthwhile exploration is dangerous — climbing mountains, testing aircraft, rocketing into outer space, or collecting botanical specimens in jungles. But if you value knowledge and the actual delight of exploration more than the mere duration of uneventful life, you are willing to take the risks.”

– Alan Watts, Psychedelics and Religious Experience.

The beginnings of personal transformation

There is something transformative about leaving home for the first time. By removing myself from the environment which had defined me for my whole life, I got to know myself in a new way. I left behind my old identity and discovered who I am on my own.

My meandering journey of self-discovery brought me to many parts of the globe and exposed me to many different cultures, climates & landscapes. I wanted to experience the richness & diversity of the natural world, and to witness profound examples of natural beauty.

I spent several years living and working on farms & homesteads across multiple continents, exchanging my labor in return for room & board. This permitted me to live with very little money. It also freed me from the everyday obligations of modern life and allowed me to focus on things of a more personal nature.

The beauty of simplicity & minimalism

It was a simple and satisfying lifestyle — being amongst nature, working the land, living in community, removed from the stresses of mainstream society. Living in this way brought me great fulfillment and inspiration. It also enabled me to step back and really think about what’s important — what are the ingredients for a satisfying & meaningful life?

Discovering authentic human connection

It was in these places that I first began to meet people who were on a similar wavelength as me. Like-minded travelers, seeking adventure and understanding in foreign lands. People with whom I could connect and relate to in a way that I had never experienced before. It was a profound realization — to know that there were others like me.

I began to understand the importance of authentic human connection and supportive community. How enriching and satisfying it is to be open & vulnerable with others. To grow alongside friends, to inspire and encourage one another, is a gift of life that I vow not to take for granted.

Finding my own definition of success

I am convinced that I don’t need much to have a rich and fulfilling life — a life that prioritizes quality over quantity.

My definition of success looks a little something like this:

• Being close to nature
• Living in a supportive community
• Being mindful and self-aware
• Enjoying my work
• Having a positive impact
• Being independent and creative

To me, these are the cornerstones of a meaningful and successful life.

Getting to know myself more deeply

On my journey, I have been made aware of the deeper aspects of my own nature. Cultivating this deeper connection with myself has given me an underlying sense of purpose, balance & direction — a “north star” to which I orient myself.

The subtle and profound world within — that which I feel and experience on the inside — underlies who I am. This interior world makes up a large part of the human experience. Although it is not immediately visible, one should not underestimate its importance. After all, how can I truly know myself if I don’t account for the deeper, subtler parts of my own nature?

“Mankind’s greatest mysteries have concerned not only the concrete forms of matter without but also the sacred nature of the spirit within. The great Individual thus traverses the internal terrain with the same degree of passion as he does the external, and recognizes that the potential of each is equally vast.”

Finding my place in the world

Now, I am returning from this period of youthful adventure and exploration. I am ready to settle down and find my place in traditional society. After taking the time to really get to know myself, I have a better sense of where I’m going. I’m not certain what the future will hold, but I’m at ease. I trust in the process.

My challenge now is to find my rightful place in the world. Although I may be a few years behind schedule, I have a strong foundation — I know who I am, what I want, and where I’m headed.

In conclusion

If this unconventional path has worked for me, then it can work for others too. My only intention in telling this story is to inspire others to discover their own definition of success. We each must find our own way — learn from my mistakes, take what you can from my experience, and adapt it to your own personal journey.

And don’t be afraid to go your own way.