Love story
How I Fell in Love in a Mental Clinic
Reality feels like a fantasy at the time
When coming to a clinic, the last thing I thought would happen is to fall in love with someone. But it happened. We both came to the clinic on the same day three weeks ago, where I first complimented him on his glasses (they look like Harry Potters), and he shyly responded with thanks.
Since then, we have spent every day together, walking in nature and talking about everything from our dreams and family to handling emotions. Here is how I fell in love in a mental clinic — it can happen anywhere at the funniest of times.
Why are you here?
If not the first question you ask someone or are asked in the clinic, is why are you here? I mean, it's understandable considering all the reasons one could be here for. Most of the time, it is due to depression because the station I am in is dedicated mostly to looking after people with such mental health issues.
We had met already back in December when we both were staying here before Christmas. It was a brief encounter but I remember the words we shared with one another still. Of course, the first question he asked me was this. I responded, “life happened”. He told me that he smoked too much weed and that it caused a psychosis, or a few even. I didn't realise this could happen and made me question maybe this had something to do with mine as well…
The second time we met was on Saturday when we had both arrived here (without us knowing at the time) and I complimented him on his glasses and asked what he is doing here again? He responded with the same thing I had told him before: “Life happened.” Only afterwards did I realise he had copied me ha! After that conversation, we had lunch together and started talking. We then went out for a cigarette and I'm not sure how we ended up being glued by each other's side after that, but it happened.
We started to go on morning walks after breakfast around 8 to see the sunrise and feel the fresh air in our lungs and on our skin to feel alive rather than anxious about our lives. We spoke about how we were currently feeling and also the question that came to mind a lot would be:
Why are we here?
“Why are we here? To remember, and re-create, Who You Are. […] You use life to create your Self as Who You Are, and Who You’ve Always Wanted to Be.” ― Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue, Book 1
This question comes to mind more so to people in a mental clinic because lives feel like they are on hold or have been tipped upside down with no control over them. You see, your independence gets stripped of you in a clinic as everything is done for you from food to washing where we get given tablets on a regular basis. Your job is to go to therapy and entertain yourself when there is nothing to do — learn to love yourself again. Here is how to love yourself and be happier — something I am learning here:
When we ask each other this question, I realise we are here for a reason. The reason is love. We are here to love and spread our light in whatever format that may be. For me, I know I can spread my light by writing and sharing my hope with others. FOr him, I know he can spread his light by writing songs and singing although he does not have so much faith in it. It will come. I feel we all have a purpose here on earth to spread love and love is the highest goal.
So the fact we have one another isn't just a random occurrence. I truly believe God has sent us one another for a reason. The reason can be love, but not necessarily to fall in love, but to show one another love and let it show us how we can heal through it. We are mainly here to be kind to ourselves so that then we can be kind to others and show each other compassion and care.
When we speak of these things, our conversation turns into engaging and flowing exchanges of which I love, but now my weeks are sizzling out I am not sure:
Where do we go from here?
I guess this is the question with every love story, right? Of course, this love story is very different as we are both at a crossroads in our lives where we are not sure what direction to go, what to do etc. but I hope we will stay in touch and make it work. I believe what we've found is real and isn't just something to keep in a mental clinic as a hopeless love story.
I know he might be going to a city that is two hours away from here to study (if things work out) and I may be going to a city close to here to start studying again (if it works out), so there will be the distance between us but I believe physical distance makes the heart grow stronger and doesn't mean there is emotional distance. We have spoken about keeping in touch and the good thing is that my dad and his mum live quite close to each other so there have to be times when we go back home to visit.
In the meantime, I know I want to keep enjoying what we have here as much as possible (without being caught! although someone in the smoker's area the other day commented on the way he was looking at me with “strahlende Augen” in German which means shining eyes hehe). I am here to live in the moment and make the moments last as long as they can by basking in the presence and perfection of each other.
So there you have my brief real story of how I fell in love in a mental clinic — something I never intended on happening nor imagined happening in a million years but has and I am actually so happy about it. Thanks for reading and I hope you got some love from this story!
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