MONEY
How I Earned 12,000$ Using The Elon Musk Method
How a short YouTube video made a billionaire think about higher ideas.
The tall, muscular torso of a business magnate that Elon Musk is resembles David, the Renaissance masterpiece sculptured from marble by Michelangelo. That is the wealthiest person I voted for.
What I did not vote for, are those pesky YouTubers with 100k+ followers, whose sense of entitlement and ego is bigger than the Trump Tower (or the Big Ben, if you are not from the US (or the Eiffel Tower, if you are not from the US but at the same time despise tea)).
What I am talking about is the recent trend of pretending to be homeless and intruding on a restaurant or a hotel, whilst the whole operation is being recorded. What is the point of such endeavour? To make people believe that an aggressive would-be beggar is 9 out of 10 times a secretly operating entertainer who should be treated with honours because otherwise, they will flag your place as unwelcoming?
How to spot fake homeless people? — Simple guide
That is scaringly shallow. That’s why whenever I walk down a street, which I rarely do because I prefer to drive, I try to selectively ignore people who appear to be homeless. I base my selection on the following procedures:
- They should be old enough, if somebody is a teenager looking young person — surprisingly commonly a male — then it is a YouTuber undercover.
- I look for Armani, Gucci or Supreme logos on any part of their outfit.
- There isn’t a young jerk standing 10 feet away, pretending not to be filming the whole interaction.
- They should noticeably reek of alcohol.
If I meet a genuine homeless/beggar, then I do not hesitate to provide help. More often than not it is some small financial aid. It is in principle alms. Some homeless wander around parking lots and offer microservices like guarding your car or sorting out your trolley for you. And that is great because it shows they are not scared of work, but that probably they just live in circumstances that make them unable to do that. With people of that kind I like to interact and chit-chat. I will always give them a few bucks and wish them farewell.
That day was no different
It wasn’t. I was in a parking lot next to a bigger shopping mall. I parked at a significant distance from the entrance because there were no spaces left closer. Because of that, I found myself in quite a predicament — I had to walk like 300 feet. As soon as I locked my car, a homeless person appeared.
Just like usual, the tall man appeared out of nowhere. Like literally I could swear that he must have materialised next to me in a blink of an eye.
He introduced himself with the stupidest name I’d heard in a while — Melon. I looked at him and analysed his figure. Older guy — check. Cheap clothes — check. No cameraman — check. Alcohol breath — oh my God, check check check.
“I am very hungry,” he said.
“I can buy you something to eat,” I responded.
He hesitated for a moment and started to look into the distance behind me. He looked as though he tried to recall something.
“I can guard your car if you want,” he said at last.
I agreed and said that I can give him a few bucks for that. I mentioned that I do not have a change, only Apple Pay on my phone so I will give him after I withdraw at the mall.
He said that it was not a problem and took out a contactless universal payment terminal. He input a transaction of 3$ and gave me the terminal. I paid. That was odd. What was more bizarre, was the name of the make of the terminal — The Boring Company. That would be one of Elon Musk’s enterprises.
“What is going on?” I asked, more out of politeness than to actually learn something.
The figure ignored my question. He pointed at my BMW. “What is it, petrol?”
“Diesel,” I answered.
“Why don’t you have an electric car?”
“Because they are super expensive to buy and the second-hand market is not populated with offers yet.”
He nodded.
“You should buy a Tesla car,” he said.
“Oh really? Tesla is 4 times as expensive as this one.”
“But they are very cheap to charge.”
“But they are too expensive to buy.”
He thought for a moment.
“You can pay for Tesla in dogecoins.”
I did a quick facepalm. “I can’t afford Tesla.”
By that time the guy’s face characterisation started to fall apart. He started to resemble the original Elon Musk. And with the previous observations, I was pretty sure it was either him or an actor. But the voice was convincingly similar.
“You see, kid, Tesla is the future. You should invest in Tesla stocks. And buy a Tesla.”
“I don’t have money for that,” I said, sighting.
“I am Elon Musk.”
“Yeah.”
“You’ve noticed?”
“Not at the beginning, but later on, yeah. Wasn’t the hardest nut to crack.”
“Ha, you said nut. You are a funny bloke, person.” Elon smiled widely. “You see, I saw this popular trend on YouTube, according to which some rich kid would dress up as a homeless person and pretend to be one. I wanted to try it as well and check whether people would show me kindness. Some did only a little, but you showed me a lot of kindness.”
“Wait, are you recording it?”
I looked around, but there was no one to be seen.
“Yes, of course, one of my Starlink Satellites is recording us as we speak.”
Smart.
“So,” he continued, “as a token of appreciation of your purely good character traits I want to give you this cheque for 12,000$.”
Tears came to my eyes. That was a lot of money. I could finally pay off my parents’ debts and pay for a small surgery I needed.
“You can redeem it for whatever you want.” Musk seemed very proud of his donation. “As long as you use it in the Tesla Official store.”
“What?”
“You partially pay for Tesla with it. Or you could buy some swag gear like a hoodie.”
“How much is a Tesla hoodie?”
“1,000$.”
“Nice, so the cheque is basically worthless,” I said.
“You said it, person!”
As he finished that sentence he vanished. Like literally in front of my eyes. It looked like a teleporter of sorts because his body started to disappear from his head downward, albeit very nearly instantly.
And I was left with a cheque I could exchange for 1/5 of a Tesla or a dozen Tesla hoodies. I immediately checked the official store and found no other products to choose from. Apparently, there were also calendars, but they were out of stock.
I signed up to be notified when they would resupply the stock of calendars. The one I have at home is still from the last year, meaning it expired in January and it is already April. I could honestly use a Tesla calendar.
Disclaimer. This post is a satire. I didn’t receive a cheque from Elon Musk.
And I do have a valid calendar at home.
Hi, it’s Eric. Thank you for reading. I hope you’ve found the article at least slightly compelling. What can you do now?
- Get to know me — just go to the about me page or my link tree.
- If you like my style and want to read more of my stories — opt into my newsletter.
- If you want to be inspired by great thinkers, download my ebook “Achieve Great Things”.
Cheers!