How I Divorced My Perfect Life
Being a salmon is never easy.
Have you ever had that feeling of being in automatic mode and a spectator of your own life?
If so, we have something in common. At least, we had something in common.
I like to think of life as a poker game. Cards are dealt to us and we decide to play them a certain way. Identical cards can be dealt to many people in the same environment, but the way they are played will not be the same.
I was not a risk-taker. I liked getting up in the morning, eating breakfast, and going to school. Better yet, I liked coming home with homework (yes, I was one of those).
Let’s be clear: it wasn’t to get away with anything. I was lucky enough to have a happy childhood, even though we didn’t have much money. What was important to me was to make my parents proud of me.
At the age of 15, came the idea of discovering the world. I decided that it might be a little early, so I chose to wait until I was 18.
Then I thought it would be a good idea to get a degree (just in case). I started law school, met Romain — my beloved boyfriend and fiancé — and finally got my master.
I put aside the idea of seeing the world. My boyfriend didn’t like to travel much at that time.
Nevertheless, we tried our first city trip together, to Budapest.
We had a lot of fun and, guess what? After that first trip together, we traveled to more or less ten countries.
In 2016, I got a job as a legal advisor, and I loved it. My ex-colleagues and my ex-boss are amazing human beings.
Sounds like a perfect and riskless life, no?
Then I started compulsively buying clothes and shoes. A lot of them. I couldn’t explain why I was buying all these things. I knew it wasn’t necessary. I knew I was contributing to something bad, but I couldn’t help it.
I was married to the life of my dreams, but I felt it wasn’t enough. So, what could I buy to feel better, to feel fulfilled?
That’s when I figured out I was buying things to make up for something I couldn’t buy.
The call
As the end of December 2021 approaches, the malls are filling up. Christmas carols are heard and there is a struggle to find the best gift ideas.
It’s also a great excuse to meet family and friends over an overly large dinner.
That feeling of the winter chill and the ability to come home under a thick blanket, and fall asleep in front of a TV show. Nothing could make me feel happier.
Except for one thing.
As I was spending an evening writing, a good friend of mine called. He left the country many years ago and has traveled the world.
We chatted, talking about little things. We talked about one of his projects, he was developing an app for food. A few weeks before that, he asked me to create some recipes to help him, which I gladly accepted.
He offered to buy me some kitchen equipment to create video content for the app.
I immediately stopped him: “No, no, no, I don’t want to bother with material things when one day I might leave Belgium”.
It wasn’t the first time he heard this “I’ll travel around the world one day” story (in fact, he’s been hearing it for over 10 years).
He replied, “Mmmh. Yes, I see. And what exactly are you waiting for? Romain likes to travel, you rent your apartment, and you don’t have kids. What could be your excuse now?”
Silence.
What was I waiting for?
I overbid, “Bro, it’s not that simple. We have a life here, a family, friends, and a job. I’ve been with the same company for five years. I can’t just quit. I don’t know. It just doesn’t seem right.”
With a complete lack of subtlety, I changed the conversation topic and abruptly ended the discussion.
I stayed in the room for a while. Then I decided to join Romain in the living room. I explained to him the conversation I just had.
I stared at him. I knew he knew because we know each other so well (it’s all about knowing).
We felt the same way at that moment.
After 6 years of being in a relationship with my other half, we came to the same conclusion:
“Let’s do it. Let’s roll the dice!”
So we left everything: our family, our friends, our job, and our apartment. In short, our life.
We finally set the departure date for November 16, 2022.
Between January and November, it was very difficult to cope with this hurricane of emotions. The thought of leaving our family, friends, and colleagues was more and more heartbreaking as the months went by.
We sold all the equipment we had purchased in the past few years and kept only the necessities we could fit in a backpack.
There is still a part of incomprehension from our family — of course.
The thing is, when we asked parents how they knew they were ready to have children, most said, “We felt it was the right time.”
And that’s exactly how we felt, like it was a calling. We felt it was time to take the plunge.
“I don’t want to not live because of my fear of what could happen.” Laird Hamilton
Was the leap into instability worth it?
Yes, without a doubt.
We discovered a lovely and respectful culture.
And, most importantly, we rediscovered ourselves.
To be honest, we were stuck in a daily routine and didn’t even take the time to think about ourselves. We kept pushing back our goals because we thought we had time.
And six years later, we were at the same point. Without even noticing because time flies.
To this day, we have a good training rhythm, we take the time — each one on our own — to explore what we want to do. For me: reading, writing, jumping rope, and watching videos on unknown subjects like psychology or philosophy.
I set goals that I want to achieve by building systems (thanks to Kurtis Pykes for his amazing article on how he builds systems).
This trip also allowed us to get rid of a ton of material things, which were cluttering our lives. Since we chose to travel with a backpack, we were forced to select the bare necessities and… how good it feels.
Maybe one day we will become perfect minimalists, but we still have work to do.
Less space for materials, and more space for thinking.
The grass is not greener on the other side and our choice has many consequences, including living on a minimal budget. We took some time to think about it and finally decided to leap. Of course, we don’t know how long this adventure will last.
What we do know is that we are very lucky to be living what we are living and — more importantly — to have such a caring and amazing group of people around us. They will recognize themselves.
If you have any questions about what you’ve read, I’ll be happy to answer them. I hope you enjoyed the reading.