How I Crawled Out of Abuse and Despair Into a Fulfilled Life: You Can Do the Same

A story of terror and transformation.

There is life after deep abuse. I’m living proof.

I used to be one of those kids who was so insecure with myself that I wouldn’t be able to get out of the house to buy bread. I was scared, afraid, and ashamed of my very existence.

But that was to be expected. I grew up in an emotionally abusive household with two narcissistic parents who isolated me, gaslighted me, and drove every last smidgeon of natural confidence out of my mind.

They were incapacitating me and there was nobody there to witness my despair.

I know it seems like a horror story. But every word I’m about to tell you is true.

I don’t know what exactly happened, but for the first 5 years of my life, my parents took a long break from parenting.

They were busy with work or simply didn’t want to be bothered by the presence of a baby around the house, so they dropped me into my grandma’s arms and let her raise me.

Thank god they did that! She was a powerful and loving woman who loved me immensely. I remember her fondly as the only member of the family that I had a connection with. I loved her and she loved me.

But then tragedy struck. For some dark reason, such as their marriage needing a little bit of help, my parents decided to take me back and ruin the beautiful childhood I had.

According to my mother, I was born a happy child. I was always laughing, looking around with big round eyes that were ready to discover the new world of wonders that were unfolding in front of me.

I was curious about the world, talking to everybody, interacting in a happy and positive way with flowers, kittens, and the neighborhood policeman, whom I asked in a very jolly voice if he needed help with taking care of the bad guys in the area.

That wonder and joyful spirit was quickly beaten out of me with the crushing power of emotional abuse.

My days turned into a living hell of oppression, criticism, and pathological disturbance. My every move was severely criticized. I was laughed at, demeaned, and scolded for every move.

Nothing I did was good enough. Quite the contrary: everything I did was a problem that ruined everything around. I was a punching bag for my parents’ unrestrained negative emotions.

My father is a classic narcissist whose illusions of grandeur make him a raging ball of delusion. He is always talking about himself and how wonderful his accomplishments are, making sure that nobody else’s accomplishments stand a chance at recognition.

Nobody wins with him. And if you do, there is hell to pay.

My mother is the covert narcissist type. She supports my father’s madness and in order to protect herself from it, throws the child under the bus.

Nobody could tell she’s a narcissist, because she’s so good at keeping up an angel image in front of the world. She’s calm, collected, and keeps her anger to herself, and lets it loose on the child when nobody else is looking.

By the time I was 7 and started school, they had already turned me into a scaredy cat who was afraid of its own shadow. I kept to myself, unable to naturally interact with the world.

I was happy to go to school, to be able to get out of the house, and I was one of the top learners in class. Learning was my only possible escape from the sinister world of a narcissistic household.

But I had 0 social skills and absolutely no friends. I had been isolated and my only companions were books.

The trauma ran so deep that I was ashamed to get out of the house to buy bread. Why? Because I was ashamed of myself. I was ashamed of my very existence.

When you’re told by your caregivers that everything you do is wrong, you reach the natural conclusion that everything you are is wrong.

This went on for 15 long, dark, abusive years.

When I was 18, I left for college. It was my only chance at salvation and I hung on to it like a drowning man to a life raft. It was a matter of life or death. I couldn’t take it anymore and I was putting all my hopes in it. The other option was suicide. I had the letter ready. But it didn’t come to that.

Going out into the wide-open world from the narcissistic dungeon was no easy feat. It was like learning to live on a different planet, where everybody was different than me.

It was weird, magical, and incredibly difficult. But it was a chance at life and I decided to take it.

Eventually, I grew from it. It took me years to find myself and be able to walk on my own 2 feet. Those years were ridden with emotionally abusive partners who mirrored my parent’s narcissistic nature.

They were grey, disturbing, and foggy years, but a million times better than the pure darkness my initial narcissists put me through.

Eventually, I was able to push through. And once I started walking towards the light, I never looked back.

Sometimes I take a break and rest my feet. But I never look back. Because behind me there’s only darkness. I have to keep going.

This is what I had to do and if you’re in a similar situation, you can do as well:

Go to therapy.

If you come from a highly abusive home you won’t be able to do it alone. The trauma is so deep that it will drown you. No matter how far you’ve managed to pull yourself out of there, the trauma is a void that can suck you back in at any time.

Don’t give it a chance to do that. Find a good therapist that you can trust. Try several if you need to, but be aware that there are good therapists out there whose life mission is to help you.

You also have to allow him to help you. Go by recommendation and choose the best one. Money should be no issue when it comes to your mental health.

He will give you tools so you can handle your life. Use them. He will give you exercises and daily practices to better your mental state. Do them. He will recommend hypnosis, meditation, exercise, healthy eating, etc. Do everything you have to do to pull yourself out of the hole that’s been dug for you.

It will be worth all the effort.

Therapy is the no. 1 pillar of recovery. Put your whole weight on it.

Live against the abusers’ rules.

Not as an act of rebellion. But as an act of kindness and trust towards yourself.

The rules that your abuser(s) have given are meant to keep you obedient, scared, and dependent. Make sure to break each and every one of them.

They were trying to incapacitate you so you’d stay in the lane that they’ve designed for you: at their feet.

Be aware that most people never grow out of abuse. They close their eyes, bury their head in the sand, and pretend everything is all right. They lie to themselves and the world that their abusers are the ones who love them and take care of them.

Because it’s just so difficult to break what they’ve built and go against the grain of their terror. The great majority of people will choose delusion and will never be happy or fulfilled.

You don’t have to be one of them. There is a chance at a good life no matter what you’ve been through. Take that chance!

Therapy will give you the tools to find out who you really are and what you want to do. Take the chance to live according to your soul’s desire.

Find your soul family.

If you’ve been through a deeply abusive childhood, marriage, or relationship of any kind, you were probably isolated, belittled, and kept as a tool to serve the abuser.

That made you different than a lot of other people. And you will feel like you don’t belong anywhere. You will think that nobody else is like you, and nobody can love you the way you are. That’s where you’re wrong.

You need to find your soul family. It’s out there. People who will love you for you. People who will help you, who won’t put you down, but lift you up.

Search until you find them. Don’t stop until you do. They might be on a different continent (that’s where I found mine), they might be in church, at an art therapy class, or going for a walk in the park.

Keep looking. They’re around.

And you need them. You need the people who cherish you. People you can be yourself with. People who won’t use you, but love you. It might seem like a wasteland at times, but they’re out there.

Find a place of your own in the world. Just because society works a certain way and most people are doing one thing, you don’t have to do the same if it’s not who you are.

If you don’t want to get married, don’t do it. If you don’t care about material possessions, don’t get them. If you don’t want to have kids, don’t have them. If you don’t care about a career, don’t have one. If you don’t care if you’re famous, popular, or a pillar of society, don’t be.

Find out what your soul wants and give it that. You are allowed to be yourself.

…………

Today, I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

I chose a life that soothes my soul and brings me peace.

And because I write about it, I get constant grief in the comments from people who disagree with my ways.

But that’s their grief, not mine. They spew it out, but I don’t pick it up.

I chose my path and I’m walking it. It’s my greatest joy.

Take your time. Life is not over until it’s over. Just keep walking.

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