How I Broke Free From The Church & Discovered The Truth For Myself
A testimony.
Scared & Confused
I have spent a large portion of this lifetime in church. Mom became a devout, holy ghost-filled Christian when I was only four. Her godparents were our pastors, and she was close to them, so we supported their ministry. It was a small congregation of less than 30 members, but the doors were always open. Tuesday was Bible Study, Wednesday was prayer and choir rehearsal, Thursday was more prayer, Friday was young people’s service, and there was the 4-hour service on Sundays.
As a young girl, I struggled to resonate with the pastor’s sermons. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in a higher power, but something was off. There were too many contradictions and questions the pastor could not answer. Yet, everyone listened and followed without objection. He preached often on the love of God, yet God didn’t seem so loving. If He was, why would He send his creation to hell for eternity? What loving parent would do that to their child? It seemed as if we were being forced into submission by fear of eternal damnation. What does love have to do with that?
By the time I left the church, I was damaged and consumed by fear and anxiety. I knew I could never be perfect enough to enter the kingdom of heaven. I spent my days fearful of death. I was so scared of God, and I hated Him because I felt it was unfair that I was born just to die and go to hell. I didn’t understand any of it; nothing made sense. Until, I decided to find my own way.
In college, I took religious studies courses, and they were most beneficial because they expanded my mind. The church never allowed us to study or embrace other religions. The pastor said they were of the devil and Jesus Christ was the only way to heaven. But after taking those courses, I realized they weren’t too different; most had similar messages. The teachings I connected with the most was Buddhism. There is something so peaceful and gentle about it.
Breaking Free
My journey to breaking free from the church began when I decided to seek my own truth. Once I made that decision, I had to consciously forget what the pastor said and be open to all possibilities. My quest for truth took a sharp turn once I began traveling outside the US. It was quite an adventure. I met and communicated with people of diverse backgrounds, ethnic groups, and religions. I embraced their culture, asked questions, and learned as much as possible. During this time, I found these people weren’t bad at all. Most of them were loving, kind, and extremely welcoming. They weren’t devilish, as the pastor said; they were humans who wanted the same things out of life as we did.
After my travel journey ended, I prayed and asked, “God, if you can hear me, please help me. I don’t know what this is, but I feel lost. Am I trapped inside a dream? I need answers! Please help me to understand why I am here.” I prayed that prayer many times until one day, I woke up.
When I became conscious of the truth, my entire reality shifted. And for the first time in this lifetime, I understood what it truly meant to be born again. It isn’t some 60-second prayer asking Jesus to forgive us of our sins so that we enter heaven. No, no, no! It is to become aware of our existence and understand that we are immortal souls having a human experience.
Life isn’t about being forced to submit to religious dogma; it is about freedom and truth. It is about openness, love, and connection to all that is. Life is about exploration, adventure, and rediscovery.
Organized religion is a tool of deception used to keep us divided and unaware of who we truly are. All humans are God’s creation, and no man should ever be placed above or below another. What makes one man right and the other one wrong? My loves, the answers are right in front of you. Open your eyes and your heart to receive the truth. It’s waiting for you. Love, Ari.
© Ari Love, 2023