How I Became A Happier Perfectionist

None of us are immune to perfectionism. But we can feel happier.

I have a confession to make. I really care about the quality of what I create. The biggest critic and censor is me. My perfectionist self always has the last word. In the past, this critical voice in my head made me feel worthless. But in 2021 it’s different.

At the beginning of January, I’ve always asked myself some questions regarding the past year:

How did I perform (on a personal and professional level)?

How was my performance compared to the results of other colleagues or my friends’ milestones?

Am I good enough?

Did I reach the bar I set for myself?

Is my year a success story or did I fail?

Most of the time, I was very critical of myself

Of course, there were things I could be proud of, but there was also much that could have gone better.

The critical voice in my head talked down even small accomplishments.

So my boss had praised me to the skies at the year-end meeting. So my colleague told me what he appreciated about working with me. So I hit our very high sales goals. So what?

None of these words of appreciation were enough. After all, my biggest critic and censor was me. My perfectionist self always had the last word.

Of course, in the past, my perfectionism fueled me. A certain amount of perfectionism is healthy and motivating, studies say.

People who met me called me: ambitious, professional and someone who gives 120%. But that was hard-won. Often at the beginning of the new year, I caught myself getting into a toxic cycle of criticism and self-blame. I felt worthless because of failing to reach this or that personal target.

This year, everything is different.

Why? There are two reasons I can boil down my self-acceptance to my baby and the COVID pandemic.

How being a mom made me more relaxed

With the birth of our baby in the middle of last year, our world was turned upside down. Our baby showed us a whole new life. I often caught myself saying to friends and family: “I can’t manage anything anymore.” But I quickly realized that it was no longer the things that were important to me before, but completely new things that I was now mastering.

So, I concluded, I brought a little person into the world this year in labor with an FFP3 mask. I take care of him 24/7 and we are crunch time parents. He greets me in the morning with his toothless, angelic smile as thanks. And without any words at all, that’s appreciation enough for me. When I look into his eyes, I know he’s doing well and is comfortable with me. I am proud of that!

The biggest accomplishment of my life is our little boy.

Am I a perfect mom? Not by my standards of a super mom: the laundry is piling up, the kitchen looks like a bomb has hit it, the “entertainment program” for my son in terms of stacking blocks or sorting shapes could be better. But in everything I do, our baby and his needs come first. That is enough performance for me!

The COVID pandemic taught me mindfulness for me and my family

2020, in the last trimester of my pregnancy, the top issue was “COVID”. On the one hand, I was happy that my husband could work from home and was always there in case of an emergency. On the other hand, there were many questions in my head.

What will birth in a locked-down be like? Will my husband be allowed to come into the delivery room? What precautions should I take because of the pandemic?

On top of that, I also hardly saw my parents and parents-in-law during the last few months to avoid any potential risk — for them and us.

To prepare me mentally for the upcoming birth, despite all adversities, I did yoga, went for a walk with my husband every day, listened to podcasts about positive birthing, and meditated. And I made a point of not listening to the radio, watching TV, or consuming news online.

I tried to be more mindful, that is, to live more at the moment. I actively tried to turn off the critical voice in my head. I practiced meditation to let the self-judgments go and to trust myself more.

I actively tried to turn off the critical voice in my head.

Then, at the birth, I was complete with myself, and afterward, I was very proud of how I’d handled it all.

My focus is more on my family-self than on my business-self

Due to COVID, my husband and I are at home together all day. So my focus is on family life and in the present moment instead of the world of work.

I’ve come to realize that this behavior is good for me. I continue to do yoga and try to be more mindful. You could now call me a “happier perfectionist”.

You could now call me a “happier perfectionist”.

Despite all my efforts, did I live a perfect life before? No. It wasn’t perfect at all.

I doubt very much that, at the end of my life, I will feel the need to list all my professional accomplishments: every promotion, every end-of-year feedback, every word of praise from a colleague.

Rather, I will think of my family, my child’s smile, and how we’ve all got through this year perfectly imperfectly.

Wrapping up

So the thing I’ve learned from 2020?

Perspective determines perception.

Change your perspective and you can become a “happier perfectionist”.