How I Beat Anxiety Once And For All

It’s a never-ending battle — but you can win the war

It started as an odd, uneasy feeling that came out of nowhere.

My heart rate began to climb, my mind started to race, my breath became deeper and faster. Sweat started to accumulate on my arms, forehead and neck. Slowly at first, then increasing in intensity.

“What the heck is going on?!” I said to myself. I was sitting on the couch in my parents’ house. Where I’ve sat a million times before.

I stood up to get a glass of water. Perhaps I was still amped up from my run earlier.

I chugged the water, but to no avail. The uneasiness wouldn’t leave me alone.

And then came the boom.

A weird, sudden sensation hit me in the chest like a ton of bricks — as if my heart skipped a beat. Or three. Then the adrenaline. I remember immediately being jolted to attention, so quickly I almost collapsed to the floor, thanks to the (probable) blood rush. I was ALERT.

It felt like someone tried to jump me with a car battery.

“I need to be outside. Immediately.”

I practically sprinted out the front door, placing my hands on my knees as I tried to catch my breath. But I couldn’t — I couldn’t calm down, couldn’t regain control, couldn’t figure out what to do. My mind continued to race, my heart continued to pound, my breath deeper and deeper.

Thankfully my parents were there to help me ride it out until the episode subsided. I remember a lot of pacing, a lot of water, a lot of shaking, and not much else.

When it was finally over, I fell into the bed in the guest room and was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

I can’t tell you how old I was when this happened, or why I was at my folks, because I honestly can’t remember. 25 is my best guess. Most likely for our weekly Sunday dinner.

But I do remember the feeling. That sickening, horrifying, inescapable feeling.

Anxiety is insidious.

He has this propensity not to care — not to care who we are, what we’re doing, or what’s happening in our lives. Anxiety can strike at any time, for any reason.

In the aftermath of my panic attack, the most frustrating thing was determining the cause. I couldn’t. My hospital stress tests and blood work came back normal. No abnormalities of the heart or any bodily system. Physically, I was fine.

I couldn’t point to an instance in time that would justify such an event either, an instance where any sane person would think, “Yep. I understand how [insert crisis here] would cause such an episode.”

It drove me crazy.

I was plagued with questions:

Why did this happen? Am I unwell? What did I do to provoke this monster?

Will it happen again?

After much trial and tribulation, it finally hit me. It wasn’t one thing — far from it. It was an accumulation of things. Of the lifestyle choices I was making. I thought I had the right job. The right girlfriend. The right apartment. The right friends.

It took me so long to figure out because I thought I was happy!

I wasn’t.

I thought I had respect for myself.

I didn’t.

Since that defining moment at my parents’ house 7 years ago (or thereabout), I’ve been on a journey. A noble quest to slay the monster.

I’ve done the research, consulted with my doctor, been on medication, gone to therapy. Up-ended my life, basically.

After a long and arduous process of self-discovery and coming to terms with some hard truths, I’m now the one with the upper hand.

While the possibility of another battle remains (and probably always will), I’ve learned to stay vigilant, yet remain in control. To let this conflict fade into the background.

I’ve kept the monster at bay for some time now — long enough to believe I’ve won the war. I don’t have panic attacks anymore. I‘m not on medication. I’m not in therapy.

I no longer live in fear.

My life gets better with each passing day. But it was not without sacrifice, not without loss, not without compromise.

How does one defeat this enemy now and forever?

I can guide you.

This battle will take your all

I’ve…up-ended my life, basically.

Be prepared

If you’re currently struggling with anxiety, first let me say I’m sorry. What you’re going through is hard. Really hard.

That being said, I hope you’re ready. Ready for battle. Ready to seriously step outside your comfort zone. Ready to ask yourself some tough questions. It will take planning, commitment, and sacrifice to win this war. Nothing short of an all-out offensive. No shortcuts. No sidesteps. You will need to harness all your energy, all your strength, and then some.

Respect your opponent

Anxiety is a formidable foe. He can surface without warning, without mercy, and wreak havoc the likes of which you’ve never seen. Even if there is no apparent reason why he should be there in the first place.

You need to respect this fact. You must understand what he is capable of.

Consider a volcano. On the surface, everything is calm. Beautiful. Serene. Through wind, rain and snow, the towering mountain, like an austere elder, keeps watch over the earth like lighthouse in the night, beckoning wayward vessels back to the safety of the harbor.

But there are dark forces brewing within.

Under the surface, pressure and heat build over time. Over hundreds of thousands, or in certain cases, millions of years, the mountain’s true intent lies in wait. It slowly gathers strength. Slowly plots it’s escape. And once that tipping point is reached…

Remember that “boom” I referenced earlier?

Anxiety lives similarly, in darkness, deep inside ourselves. Waiting, patiently, for enough pressure and heat to build. Conspiring. Conniving. And once enough pressure builds…

Give anxiety the respect he deserves, because he has that same respect for you. He believes you’re worthy of his time and effort. He knows you’re not an easy mark, that he’ll have to lie in wait, to play the long game. But he’s willing to do so. Borrowing a quote from Batman’s nemisis Ra’s al Ghul, he’s willing “To do what is necessary.”

He will not yield. He will not stop. Know this.

Face your fear

Ok, I’ve probably (read: hopefully) scared you a bit. This is, unfortunately, a necessary part of the process. Without fear, without respect, you cannot truly stand up to your enemy, or plan your strategy to defeat him. You must accept a degree of humility. You must understand that you are, in fact, vulnerable, and may potentially succumb to the madness anxiety brings.

But you’re also incredibly capable. Resilient. Able to slay the monster.

By engaging with this process, by taking on this challenge, I can confidently tell you the return on investment is orders of magnitude greater that what you’ll put in. And you’ll put in a lot. Your quality of life will improve dramatically. Your body will no longer feel like a foreign agent. The sun will shine a little bit brighter each day.

As they say, “the juice is worth the squeeze”.

Ok Scott, enough with the metaphors. Let’s get into some tactics.

Evaluate your lifestyle

…I thought I was happy!

Complacency is a killer

Get up, go to work, attend to your family, go to sleep. Throw in some intermittent exercise and meetups with friends as well. Rinse and repeat.

Many folks take comfort in their routine, myself included. It keeps things relatively predictable and even-keel. That’s not to say that spontaneity doesn’t have its place, but in general, keeping to a routine helps us feel in control.

But sometimes, our routine leads us astray. We become complacent in comfort. We stop taking risks. We lose sight of our previous goals and ambitions. The focus we once had driving us out of bed in the morning is replaced by foggy brain and consternation.

Colors aren’t as bright. Music sounds like noise. You’re increasingly short with friends and loved ones. Life’s more menial tasks take an enormous amount of effort and energy to complete.

Over time our complacency grows and grows, until we’re not sure how we got here in the first place. We look in the mirror and all we see are broken dreams and unkept promises. We don’t like what we see.

So we bury it.

Earlier I mentioned my panic attack wasn’t related to one specific incident. Instead, it was bred from complacency. By the many times I buried my life’s general displeasure. By accepting what was comfortable and avoiding risk, I was setting myself up for catastrophe.

I was unwittingly planning my own anxiety attack.

When this finally clicked, I nearly fell off my chair. Talk about a slap in the face.

Be your toughest critic

Don’t bury your unhappiness and discontent, face it. Head on.

Look yourself in the eye and say what needs to be said. Ask the tough questions. But be ready for some tough answers.

What are you doing day to day? Does it excite or bore you? Who are you spending your time with? Do they bring out the best or worst in you? What are you doing for fun? Are these activities constructive or destructive? Are you maintaining a health body and mind? Or are you opting for the couch and the bag of potato chips?

For me, I had to make some harsh judgements on how I was choosing to live. My first major breakthrough? I was living based off society’s standards, not my own.

I got an office job because that’s what you do when you graduate college. I moved to the city because that’s what you do after getting an office job. I drank and partied on the weekends because that’s what you do with your friends who also have office jobs. I felt compelled to pair up romantically so I could circumvent the inevitable “so when are you getting married?” questions at Christmas.

I didn’t think of what was best for me, I only thought of what was expected of me.

I didn’t feel in control of my own life.

I tried to make it work. I went through this rigamarole, no questions asked. But it was not meant to last. Like an allergy, my body physically started to reject my situation.

I started having sleep issues. I got only 3–4 hours of broken sleep for several months. I still remember the first night I awoke with a start at 2 AM, unable to go back to sleep. It was a Thursday in late November 2011.

My work performance started to slip. I showed up to work each day in a general haze, apathetic to the quality of my work or what my boss / co-workers thought of me. My mind would drift towards other things, like gaming (my hobby at the time), and I would suddenly have wasted hours on gaming-related online articles and content.

I was less interested in running, one of my true loves in life.

I was less interested in maintaining relationships, both with friends and family.

Imagine, for a moment, what it feels like to be allergic to your life.

I shudder to think back on it now.

Seriously questioning how you’re living forces you to take your ego out of the equation. To embrace humility. To accept that your way of doing things might be wrong. To potentially reject what you’ve built, even if you’ve invested years. To accept that in order to move forward, drastic changes are required.

Be your toughest critic. It’s a character builder. This is hard to do, I know, but sometimes self-love is tough love.

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Make the necessary adjustments

Don’t bury your unhappiness and discontent, face it. Head on.

Plan for what comes next

You’ve evaluated. Reflected. Judged. Probably cried.

It’s time to put a plan into action.

Spurred by my insomnia and pushed over the edge by my first panic attack, I changed up everything about my life. EVERYTHING.

• Where I lived
• Where I worked
• Who I hung out with
• How I spent my time
• I stopped drinking
• I stopped eating crap. Well, I ate less crap. Pizza and burgers are too good to put away for good
• I started running again, this time with meaningful intent
• My social life became anemic. How could I be there for others when I couldn’t even be there for myself?

Keep in mind this did not happen all at once, but rather over time, one action building on the next, building on the next. And your journey probably won’t look like mine — everyone’s path is different.

And while we may not know where our plan will eventually take us, we all start at the same point: the point of desperation. That point where we think it can’t get any worse, any more debilitating.

Unfortunately for most of us, getting to this point is a required step in order to change. Most of us won’t be spurred to take action without this experience.

Your plan of action is key during your recovery phase. Do not skimp. Do not short cut. Make the commitment.

We have to have the courage to start, to take action. Even if the finish line is a bit hazy.

Start making changes little by little

Getting a new job, moving to a new place and dropping all your toxic relationships is not recommended for day one.

I’m being slightly facetious of course. But the point is this: don’t bite off more than you can chew.

I started my recovery by keeping a journal, by writing down the day’s activities before I went to bed.

I suggest you do the same.

You don’t have to perform daily analysis of every little thing you do, that occurs naturally over time. Right now, just get your activities down on paper. Like counting calories, you’ll quickly identify trends and problem areas. You’ll start to realize just how pervasive and consistent our daily habits are, and how much work it is to change, no matter how small the adjustment.

How, without even realizing it, our own choices can work against us, leading us down the wrong path.

If you’re not much of a writer, start reading more. Turn off Netflix in favor of a good book. Fiction, non-fiction, it doesn’t matter, what matters is the change in your daily routine.

Pack your lunch 2 days a week instead of buying everyday. Go to the gym straight from work instead of going home first. Say no to that next social invitation you’re not really interested in.

Take back the control.

See a doctor

For some, the inital pit of despair is too much to take on alone. This was my experience early on, so I asked for help. It is NEVER a shame to ask for help. I spoke to my primary care physician at length, he listened to my story, sympathized based on his own experiences, and helped me formulate my plan of attack.

Medication or therapy might be needed, as it was in my case, especially to help stop the freefall. You and your doctor will make that decision together. I was on 10 mg Lexipro daily and had an emergency Clonazepam prescription just in case.

But take note: while this may help stop the freefall, the medication route should NOT be the only adjustment you make.

There is no magic pill. I repeat: there is no magic pill.

Medication addresses the physical symptoms of anxiety (Science Daily), specifically, the regulation of serotonin and dopamine. Chemical imbalances of these hormones then lead to physical ailments (like a panic attack).

Medication will not solve life’s fundamental problems, problems that are a function of your own doing.

See your doctor. Tell him / her everything. They’ve seen all this before, and can shine light on thoughts or ideas you might not have considered.

Phew. That’s a lot to digest, I know. A lot to take in.

But you need to become part philosopher as well as part warrior in order to defeat your enemy.

You may not need to upend your life as much as I did, or you may need to do more. As I mentioned earlier, everyone’s journey is different. And you may find that, over time, you can begin to reintroduce some of the activities you gave up during recovery (i.e. a more active social life, alcohol, etc). But that remains to be seen, and shouldn’t be the goal.

The important thing is this: anxiety’s roots are intertwined with your lifestyle. Whatever comes next, whether it be a new job, a new location, medication, therapy, etc., your lifestyle should be the focal point. If you’re not addressing the fundamental issues with how you’re living your life, you won’t win the game.

No one said this was going to be easy.

There is no magic pill.

By taking back the control, by taking meaningful action, by becoming the sole arbiter of your life’s design, you’ll experience freedom you never thought possible.

And once you’re free, once you’re in control, the monster will fade away. For good.

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