How I Avoid Hurting Myself With My Own Thoughts
5 simple steps that you can follow to have more control over your emotion and change your life.
Once, one of my colleagues gave some specific comments that stuck with me for a long time. The remarks were hurtful. I found it challenging to get those harsh words out of my mind.
I always wonder why those difficult words linger in my mind for long and cause pain. They keep resounding in my ears and keep hurting. Every human being has experienced it many times in their lifetime.
It does not matter whether the damaging statements were in spoken or in written form. The words might have reached me directly or through indirect means. They all have the same impact on my mind and heart.
Words seem to have the power of causing death by a thousand cuts. It keeps bothering long after someone has used them. Those words seem to have even more hurting ability when I cannot speak back and give a piece of my mind to the instigator.
The statements don’t even have to come from people I know. I have noticed that I get hurt by harsh or mindless comments given, to my posts/articles, by people I don’t even know or have ever interacted before.
“Why do the words have so much power over human beings! Why does it keep hurting, hours or even days after it has been said!”
Why do the words have so much power over human beings! Why does it keep hurting, hours, or even days after it has been said!
I realized the words have power over me because I let them have it.
My mind makes me dissect each severe sentence. Each time I give my own meaning to them, which makes those words more hurtful.
People who have made the statements forget it sooner than the time it takes for my mind to stop hurting. Many times people don’t even know that their words have caused so much pain to someone.
The person who said the resentful statement said it just once, but the mind is echoing the comments over and over to itself. I realized I am causing more pain to myself than the person who said it in the first place.
Yes, I blame the person for saying such harsh words to me, for being the trigger point and taking away my peace. But I also try to see who is keeping the pain going.
It is not the person who said it; it is my mind which is replaying it repeatedly and causing the prolonged pain to me, long after the event has taken place. I am hurting myself with my own thoughts.
Now that I know my thoughts are causing more pain to me than the source of the hurtful statements — I understand that the power of stopping the pain also lies within me.
Buddha’s teaching
Buddha once said something similar to this:
“If you offer me a gift and I do not accept it, it remains with you. Similarly, if you try to hurt me with words, and I don’t accept those words — then the pain and resentment of those words remain with you.”
What it means is — if I do not let the other person impact me by their harsh words, then they lose power over me. I would not give them the ability to affect my peace.
Not letting the words to hurt us is easier said than done. It will take a lot of practice not to accept the hurtful words. There is still a long way for me to achieve a zen state of mind. Until I reach there, here are five steps that I follow to keep the pain away.
1. Don’t repeat the words inside the mind
Awareness is the key. I know that my mind is replaying the phrases and is keeping the hurt alive within me. Instead of repeating the words in my thoughts, I actively try to stop thinking about it.
Every time the event comes back to my mind, I divert my attention to something better. My awareness of the situation helps me reminding myself — ‘I know it hurts. I am not going to think about it. I am going to have more power over the words than it has over my mind’.
Actively repeating these sentences in my mind helps me avoid churning those hurtful words inside my mind. This method does help me a lot in calming down. It helps in controlling my emotion.
My brain stops getting into the vicious cycle of going over and over again on some resentful statement.
2. Distract the mind with other thoughts — Good thoughts
Many good things happen to us in a day, and we don’t pay attention to them. The hurtful event is just one incident in the day.
Every day there are many events for which we should be grateful. Instead of letting the evil thoughts cloud over my good feelings, I use the other seemingly ordinary events of my day to take over the place of one unfortunate incident.
I engage the pleasant thoughts to persuade my mind. It helps me get distracted from the incident that my mind is reflecting over repeatedly.
3. Talk to friends
Talk to a friend. Friends are there to help us at such times. They provide a good distraction.
I bring up some unrelated topics and talk to my friends for some time. I ask them about their day and start chitchatting over some common issues. As the discussion progresses, my mind stops thinking about the hurtful words and takes a pause.
Those pain-causing words start losing their power because my mind is busy processing another topic. With time, I realize that I am no longer feeling as bad as I did before talking to my friend(s).
4. Play a sport
Physical sports take over the mind entirely. If the time and place permits, I engage myself with some sort of sports or game. It helps me shift my attention from the incident.
The competitiveness of the game serves to divert my attention. It takes my focus away from the hurtful words said earlier in the day. Once I lose focus, it helps to stop my mind from inflicting pain on itself.
This method has always worked for me. Physical activities have incredible healing power. I am surprised how easily I can stop repeating the words in my thoughts after doing a round of physical activity.
5. Watch something engaging
Sometimes I don’t feel like talking to anyone. Not always I have someone with whom I can play a game. In such situations, I prefer to watch a movie or a series.
I dig into my list of pending movies I always wanted to watch or a series that I am waiting to finish. I watch something from the genre that I enjoy the most. It might be comedy or animation or sci-fi or whichever kind that keeps my mind highly engaged.
After a few hours of watching the screen, I realize I have successfully diverted my mind. These hours are crucial to take my thoughts away from resentful words.
The trick I learned is to divert my attention entirely away from the event and do something else to keep my mind busy. The awareness that analyzing the incidents has no benefit for me helps me to stay away from it.
With time, I have become better at distracting my mind. I am sure it will eventually become more manageable for me to take my thoughts entirely away from the hurtful events. I now find it easier not to ponder over the hurting words.
With having power over my mind, I can now better control my emotion. The chain of pain stops much faster. The whole process makes me happier and much more productive.
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