Self

How Honesty Leads Us to Our Best Selves

We are on a never-ending journey of discovering who we are. In my own life, I have struggled much with being myself. Although it can sometimes feel like I am the only one who does this, I know I am not alone.

Unfortunately, life is a game we have not decided to play. We did not ask to be here, but here we are. And life chucks us a bunch of games we have to learn to play. Relationships, work, family, and money are just a few. These games all require us to take different actions and be different people.

However, what are we without all of the games we play? And this is the question we are often scared to ask ourselves, yet, we pretend to know the answer.

Many of us live up to expectations that were not our own and make decisions to please others. We are taught from a young age not to lie to others. We know that it negatively affects our relationships and can potentially get us in huge trouble. However, we are never taught to not lie to ourselves.

We tell ourselves mean things and sometimes become our worst enemy. We blame ourselves for things we did not do and hold up a personality that is not our own. I realised that it was so easy to lie to myself, and I did not know what the truth was anymore.

Put it this way, if someone lied to you so often, would you believe a word they said? And this is the problem when we repeatedly lie to ourselves. We are not sure what to believe or who to become. One day we could be repeating success affirmations to ourselves, and the next saying how stupid we are.

Once I stopped lying to myself, things started to change. I noticed I started living for myself and reaped many benefits. So, here are the things I have received from being honest with myself.

Self-Acceptance

One of the first things I realised was I had a higher tendency to accept myself. In a world where comparison is so prevalent, self-acceptance is a practice that we all need.

Once I started being honest with myself, I stripped away all the lies I had told myself. Not all of these lies were negative. Many of them could be seen as positive. I told myself things like:

• I want to have a lot of money
• I do not want to get married due to fear of regret
• I would rather do engineering because it is more analytical

However, not one of these were me remaining true to my character. I had to learn that the self I had created was not the self I was. And although it hurt to realise that, it set me free from my chains of bondage.

I had to be honest and tell myself:

• I am not money-driven
• I would love to have a wife
• I enjoy the arts, not the sciences

When we are honest with ourselves, we can live life on our own terms. Positive self-talk is important, but it can be hard to do when we believe we are lying to ourselves. I can say the most beautiful things to myself and still be lying.

When we struggle to accept who we are, the solution is not positive self-talk. Instead, it is the ability to sit down and evaluate what we have told ourselves and how honest we have been.

Higher Accountability

Funny enough, we tend to blame ourselves for the things we should not blame ourselves for. However, we also do not attribute blame to ourselves when we should.

Accountability is something we find hard to embrace. It feels fine to be accountable when things are going well, but there is always a risk it may take a sour turn. At that point, we seek to hand our accountability over to someone else.

Although many things are outside of our control, we can hold ourselves to higher accountability when things do not go our way. There is always something we could have done differently or an opportunity we did not grab.

Being honest with myself has allowed me to see the gaps in my own life. This does not mean I attribute all blame to myself, but I hold myself accountable for more. I can look back at and be honest about the times when I was less motivated and lacked good decision making.

Holding myself to higher accountability also ensures that I get the things I want to be done completed. I can review what I have done with an honest set of eyes. I am allowed to be unhappy with my performance and feel fulfilled when I have done well. Honesty gives me a true representation of myself.

Better Relationships

It is easy to find ourselves in friendships and relationships we do not desire. It may be to please ourselves, others or the person we believe we are. I have found many people who have fruitless friendships because of their desire to please others.

At work, we may put on a fake smile just to get through. And how many times have you said yes to people to be nice? I am guessing quite a few. And I am sure it took up precious time you could have used elsewhere.

Our relationships are built on our ability to be open with others. That may be telling our closest friends our worries or our boss that we are running behind. Open communication is essential for building relationships, and without honesty, we can not do that.

When we are honest with ourselves, we are more likely to have people around us we want to be honest with. It is difficult to find ourselves outside of the games we play because we are always connected.

Humans are not solitary creatures. We spend much time interconnected with the world around us. And our relationships are a reflection of who we are. Therefore, our honesty to ourselves is vital if we seek to live a life that is true to ourselves.

Be Honest

Honesty is a scary thing. We learn the hard way when we lie to others, but we get used to lying to ourselves. It is a sad reality that we treat others nicer than we do ourselves.

If we took time out, to be honest, we would live happier lives. So, I challenge you to think about where you are being dishonest to yourself. Maybe it is in your career, the friends you have, or the relationship you are in.

Start being honest, and live for honesty. It is the only way you can live a life that feels true to you.

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