How Goals Work

And How to Aim High Realistically

Something that will stick with me for the rest of my life is a statement my antenatal class teacher made when I was 7 months pregnant.

“Every contraction is just one contraction closer to the one where your baby is born.”

It was to comfort the group of nervous pregnant ladies in the room. But nobody can deny the pain, really.

Despite knowing that, it doesn’t stop women from getting pregnant and having children, does it?

We are biologically programmed to go through extreme physical and emotional hardships in order to produce a family.

Think of the process for that to happen. The actual impregnation is a biological miracle. It’s fascinating. You may not think so because it is so common, but the chance of sperm meeting egg and consequently fertilisation is actually much smaller than the possibility of it not happening. It’s a lot like playing the lottery.

And then, a woman’s body will spend 9 whole months working tirelessly growing a whole other human being inside her.

She will go through the morning-sickness; weight-gain; body-shape change; hormonal roller-coasters; skin stretching; heartburn; work adjustments; mind adaptions; waddling-penguin-walk; and then, finally, a few hours’ (or days!) worth of intense pain to get the baby out.

Afterwards comes the hard work of becoming a parent — the sleep deprivation; figuring out breastfeeding/bottle feeding; looking after a tiny version of you — all while your body heals from the trauma of childbirth and drastic body changes. And if that wasn’t enough, there are hormonal changes too! There is a dip in hormones about a week to ten days after labour which can potentially trigger postnatal depression. Yippee!

It’s actually insane how much a woman goes through. It’s bloody amazing how strong and resilient we are.*

The determination and resilience of the human body are extreme and getting pregnant and having a family is not solely biological. Your mind plays an extremely important role in it all too.

I have PCOS, which is a barrier to becoming pregnant. But I spent a year thanking the universe for getting pregnant before I actually became pregnant. And then I was so determined for it to all work out that it did.

If you truly believe with all your might that you will achieve X, 99/100 you will achieve it.

I had a goal, and I achieved it. I have a son.

Saying that every contraction is one contraction closer to the baby being born actually inspired this article, 18 months later. This is my point:

We should apply the same attitude with goals and challenges.

Every setback should count as one setback closer to achieving ANY goal.

The common saying,

“one step forward, two steps back.”

Can be changed for,

“every step is a step forward.”

Just because I had 2 weeks’ worth of heartburn it didn’t mean the birth of my child would be 2 weeks delayed. It just meant I was going through a challenging period in my journey toward achieving my goal.

The difference is you don’t treat having a baby like a goal, or difficult thing to achieve. Once you’re pregnant, you generally see it as a given**.

But you see goals as difficult to reach because you don’t feel certain or confident that you will achieve them.

So, what if you did?

What are goals for?

When you get pregnant, your body makes a commitment into growing that baby and your mind assumes you’re having it. You plan for it by buying all the essentials for the baby and you are constantly visualising your life once he’s born.

When you have a goal in mind and you do not commit to it, you slack. You give yourself other options and plan Bs. Stop that. Be prepared for failure, of course, but don’t focus your attention on that.

“There’s no reason to have a plan B because it distracts from plan A.” — Will Smith

Treat every goal like a commitment and you will achieve it simply because you will give yourself no other option.

And when you aim for X, make the assumption you will receive it.

Determination = belief

If you are determined that you will achieve a goal you are literally believing in yourself.

What happens when you work towards accomplishing anything?

You imagine having it.

You visualize reaching it.

You overcome every hurdle until you get it and you feel excited in the journey.

Until you realise it.

Apply this philosophy to EVERYTHING in your life and you’ll be able to fulfil all your dreams.

So, live life committing to goals and assume achievements from the beginning.

Don’t think too much about the ins and outs of how you will execute them as that’ll only come once you believe you’ll achieve the goal you aim for. And everything else will align itself.

So, where do you start?

What do you want?

What’s your reason for getting up each day?

What are your dreams?

It doesn’t matter how big you dream. Just believe in yourself. No ifs, no buts, everything else is irrelevant. Forget your past mistakes, forget your current circumstances, forget what others are saying or doing.

Most importantly, forget about what you don’t want.

The only reason to think of the things you don’t want is if it helps you work out what you do want. Once you’ve done that, discard all the thoughts of undesired things.

Whatever your goal, picture the result. If you want, go as far as printing a photo out of whatever your goal is. A nice house, a dog, an outfit, a holiday destination, a body type — anything.

Look at the image(s) every day.

Every time you feel bad, cheer yourself up with those goals and just keep believing that they’re yours.

And watch everything come to you.

What do you have to lose?

• * if you won’t take anything else from this article, I ask that you take some time to think about a woman you know who has been through motherhood and give her some credit for just being amazing.
• ** obviously there are exceptions and not every time does it work out. I am generally speaking here.

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