How Getting Kicked Out of College Saved My Life
3 universal steps toward reinvention
You and I would both hate 19-year old me. Alternating between a buddy’s couch and my girlfriend’s apartment, I had recently fled my parent’s house after getting suspended from a university, being arrested multiple times, arguing with family, and abandoning friends.
To skip the sob story, let’s just say that life was not trending upwards.
Fast forward 7 years later, I’ve traveled across the world, made lifelong relationships, and most importantly, found purpose. Still far from being perfect by all means, but I’ve caught a groove that I don’t plan on letting go.
After reverse engineering the journey this past weekend, I’m convinced that the reinvention process can be distilled into three steps that anyone can take.
I hope these help you rediscover love for the game of life and meet incredible people along the way, as they did for me (and probably will do again).
Years 1 and 2: Analyze the current situation
Where to begin. Knowing that you have to begin.
In 2013, a cigarette was the only reason I had for waking up. Stuck in a cycle of hopelessness and self-pity, I didn’t even know what the underlying problem(s) anymore.
I was living a lie. Blaming everything and everyone for my situation, the locus of control had shifted externally. It was my life, but I was on the outside looking in.
Reflecting back, it was truly a blessing to have felt like that. I had finally diagnosed the ailment. So I prescribed myself a simple treatment.
I began to screen the voices in my head for excuses. The moment one began its echo through my skull, I would take a mental note (no pun intended).
Then I flipped the script. Another character would emerge, one that would dispel the negative thought pattern.
The resulting self-awareness enabled me to understand and change behavior. It didn’t happen overnight, but a book replaced the cigarette in my hand one morning. That was the first domino in a series of snowballing events.
Year 3 to 5: Raise the baseline
Motivation is a fleeting concept. Some days you have it, and some days you just don’t. Especially when you’re still trying to shake off invisible shackles.
I’m talking about habits.
Driven by compound interest and momentum, habits go largely unnoticed, but impact us more than almost anything else. How do we change them?
Positive reinforcement. Tying productive habits to small rewards in order to reduce any friction. Instead of letting the mind wander and questioning the purpose of everything, just execute and incentivize yourself later.
I knew it was no small miracle when I stumbled my way past the front desk of the local Charter Fitness. Anxiety levels had reached a new peak, and the greatest fear racing through my mind was interacting with another human or looking dumb.
So I beelined to the treadmill and started running. 10 minutes went by.
A part of me was ready to hit the weights. The other was crippled by fear.
The other one won. I left the gym promptly and headed home, feeling defeated. Rewarding myself to a small bowl of…cereal, I changed the narrative again. Oh well. If could do this most days, I could work my way up.
It was the benchmark. A starting point. An anchor.
There’s always going to be good and bad days. But an elevated platform makes for a better launchpad. Stacking productive habits on top of each other reduces the most lofty goals into stimulating mini-games.
Which brings me to the next stage.
Years 6 and 7: Treat it like a game
With the foundation established, I began to scale learning curves faster than I ever thought imaginable. Having hit rock bottom incited a chain reaction of positive behaviors that ultimately resulted in dream jobs, friends, and girl(s).
It took discipline, but it also took a toll on me. Most of my friends were (and still are) older than me, so the concept of a quarter-life crisis seemed pretty far-fetched to me at the time.
But here I was, 25 and existentially lost. Confused by the guy in the mirror. Imposter syndrome and self-loathing ensued.
Who am I? What’s my purpose? What will I be doing in 5 years? 10?
A sucker for a good old self-help technique, I holed myself in and began writing furiously. About the past, what I’ve been through, what I’ve seen, what made me different.
Then, I tore this eulogy to shreds and realized none of it mattered.
Not yet, at least.
It was missing a key piece. My identity. It was left in the past, scattered across the time-space continuum.
I had lost my competitive edge. By keeping my head down and doing my best to stay humble, self-confidence had reached an all-time low.
At the time, it made sense to rid myself of the those toxic habits and question my ego. But it was time to shed the vestigial skin that no longer served me.
I began to treat life like a game again, with a slight twist. Instead of putting others down, I challenged them to get better. To level up. To play against me in the pursuit of something greater.
Whether it was debate, golf, chess, or fitness, we played to compete and win. In the spirit of having fun. To me, these microcosms applied directly to the most important game of them all: life.
Don’t be afraid to take the leap. Taking risks unlocks the youthfulness within each of us, and reminds us that it’s all just a game after all. When we treat as such, we always win.
Don’t go through life always being afraid of the consequences. Living in the moment unlocks the youthfulness within each one of us.
It reminds us that it’s all just a game after all.
When we treat it as such, we always win.