avatarJ & J (Jessica & Joshua J. Lyon, BSQP, ACNP)

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Abstract

in Pennsylvania, where we grew up. When we reconnected in 2019, I did the talking first. We met at a friend’s 4th of July event with four-wheeling, shooting, fireworks, cooking, and a bonfire. After a good conversation and catch up, then I asked for her phone number when the opportunity presented itself. Soon after, she took PTO to come visit me in North Carolina.</p><p id="1a78">Just for this article’s conversation, my wife was a bank manager when we met and I worked in mental health. I have a bachelor’s degree with a few certifications, plus I’m applying to grad school as we speak. My wife was able to rise through the ranks without a degree and now she’s in a very nice career job and she will never need one (but, that is probably not your opportunity).</p><h1 id="3264">Relationship Building</h1><p id="57f5">I believe there are relationships that can be ours if we take ownership no matter where we are. When we meet someone and they meet our standards, take ownership of being with them and learning about them.</p><p id="c76a">If you can learn to say “hi” well and build relationship thereafter, you will find your significant other.</p><p id="a59b">In 100% of the people I’ve talked to, aside from those couples who met in high school, they both had expectations when it came to traditional living and psychological health. If there was a red flag about the other’s ability to live the United States of America’s family life or about mental health, they would have not continued.</p><p id="0d16">There is a minimum standard I’ve seen when it comes to education, family life, and someone’s mental state.</p><h1 id="a128">The Question</h1><p id="35ae">There’s only question I have.</p><p id="9ef6">Does your life shout, “I can independently handle a good life”? For men, he will not approach you. For women, she will be nice to your face, but will transport to a safe place once you turn your back. If he approaches you when you don’t harness that question, you’re not safe. If she doesn’t run when you do not harness that question, she’s a stripper.</p><h1 id="314e">My Advice</h1><p id="ed58">Independently tackle life, then find your person.</p><h1 id="9977">Conclusion</h1><p id="d926">To find “the one” you have to be the luckiest person in the world. Find someone that meets high expectations and where your lives will compliment each other, and build a life together.</p><div id="ad70" class="link-block"> <a href="https://medium.datadriveninvestor.com/former-military-police-after-covid-l

Options

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How Finding “the One” Hurt You Finding Them

Caught in the rat race

Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

Here is a different lens than what I’ve heard before.

I don’t believe in “the one” because there are so many people out there. Literally millions of people that we haven’t met yet. We can meet one new person every hour of the day and still not find someone. On this earth we only have a good 20 years to search if you want to be married by 35. That is only one year in 20 countries or 20 cities.

During the Search

When we search for “the one”, we put a lot of pressure on that first, “Hi, I’m Josh.” Lots of emotions flying this way and that way.

A verbal survey I have been doing for years with married couples, is “Where did you, to meet?” and if needed, “What age?”

The probability I found, in order:

  • In college
  • Knew each other since highs school or earlier, to include friends of the family where they met at some random event
  • Church
  • At a social event (after high school) (including bars with friends)
  • I’ve met 2 or 3 couples that met through online dating
  • Single parents have met others at their child’s events

In all these situations, I’ve never known a pickup line to be the icebreaker. The best icebreaker is, “Hi, I’m Josh” and have a good conversation. One thing that breaks men is the ability to communicate. If she wants out of the conversation, he’s lost — but, that doesn’t mean he will never see her again and the next time will be more critical. Sometimes she will walk up to him if he is the only person she knew, and only if that first introduction was at least positive. And he will have to perform better.

In all the situations, communication was success.

But, did they find “the one”?

They weren’t looking for “the one”.

And in 95% of situations, he spoke first.

My wife and I met in 4th grade in Pennsylvania, where we grew up. When we reconnected in 2019, I did the talking first. We met at a friend’s 4th of July event with four-wheeling, shooting, fireworks, cooking, and a bonfire. After a good conversation and catch up, then I asked for her phone number when the opportunity presented itself. Soon after, she took PTO to come visit me in North Carolina.

Just for this article’s conversation, my wife was a bank manager when we met and I worked in mental health. I have a bachelor’s degree with a few certifications, plus I’m applying to grad school as we speak. My wife was able to rise through the ranks without a degree and now she’s in a very nice career job and she will never need one (but, that is probably not your opportunity).

Relationship Building

I believe there are relationships that can be ours if we take ownership no matter where we are. When we meet someone and they meet our standards, take ownership of being with them and learning about them.

If you can learn to say “hi” well and build relationship thereafter, you will find your significant other.

In 100% of the people I’ve talked to, aside from those couples who met in high school, they both had expectations when it came to traditional living and psychological health. If there was a red flag about the other’s ability to live the United States of America’s family life or about mental health, they would have not continued.

There is a minimum standard I’ve seen when it comes to education, family life, and someone’s mental state.

The Question

There’s only question I have.

Does your life shout, “I can independently handle a good life”? For men, he will not approach you. For women, she will be nice to your face, but will transport to a safe place once you turn your back. If he approaches you when you don’t harness that question, you’re not safe. If she doesn’t run when you do not harness that question, she’s a stripper.

My Advice

Independently tackle life, then find your person.

Conclusion

To find “the one” you have to be the luckiest person in the world. Find someone that meets high expectations and where your lives will compliment each other, and build a life together.

Finding Yourself
Love
College
Life Lessons
Dating
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