How Fatherhood Expanded My Horizons

And how parenting can add new dimensions personally, professionally and beyond

In December of 2018, I was introduced to one of the best feelings in the world — the joy of being a father.

My wife and I were gifted with the cutest baby boy. But up until we got to hold a tiny new life in our arms, we didn’t feel “ready”.

I think no one ever really does.

Parenting is one of those things you can’t be fully prepared for until you actually experience it.

The past two years however have changed me as a person, and I believe has been a period of significant personal development. Here is how fatherhood added new dimensions to my personality on multiple levels.

Responsibility Took On a Whole New Meaning

We all feel we have tons of responsibility in managing a household, managing a project at work, running a team, or a business.

Each of those seems to dwarf when you hold in your arms a tiny little person who is dependent on you 100%.

Hold him right or you could hurt him, put him safely in bed or you could suffocate him, feed him well or he would starve, soothe him when he cries or he’d cry for hours and hours — you get the idea.

Unlike most other mammals, the human offspring is completely dependent on its caregiver for a very long time. And this was a first child for us, so the practical experience was zilch — talk about learning on the job!

I learned the true meaning of taking responsibility — as unlike most other personal or professional responsibilities, not accepting this one wasn’t an option.

Often, when taking up a new responsibility is your only option, you find your own way of excelling at it.

Partnership & Teamwork At Its Best

I knew that after growing and nurturing a whole new life in her body for a whole 9 months, my wife needed an abundance of rest. So, I did my best to step up and do my bit.

While my son relied on her for the numerous feeds, there was no reason I couldn’t share every other task. From never having held a newborn in my arms, I was soon an expert at changing diapers, burping, soothing him during his endless wake-ups at night, and doing my bit in the partnership that parenting is. I am even a tad bit proud in saying that I was better at calming him and putting him back to sleep than my wife was.

While motherhood comes naturally from having had the baby in your womb for many months, fatherhood is a bit of an acquired feeling. And the fact that the mother does the lion’s share of the hard work doesn’t mean you can’t play your part.

Teamwork is as much about identifying and delivering on your defined roles than it is about sharing an equal workload, which wasn’t a possibility here.

I Felt True Empathy Towards Working Mothers

My wife is equally successful in her career as I am and is a strong, independent, and ambitious woman. I happen to work in a team largely comprised of women — smart, successful, and ambitious women just like my wife. Most of them are also mothers.

Seeing my wife evolve in the new role of a mother, and often even struggle as all new parents do, made me appreciate the tremendous balancing act that women play when managing between being a great mother and a successful professional. I could pretend I was always an empathetic colleague, but fatherhood really gave me a new perspective.

It also meant I was more sensitive and mature about handling personal conversations with my teammates who were each at different stages of their personal lives.

A new experience in one aspect of your life can lead to a significant impact on your overall outlook on a variety of other things.

Work-Life Balance Was No Longer Just an Option

As a bachelor or during our time as a married couple without a kid, I could afford to largely focus all my energy and time towards work. So while everyone talked about the elusive work-life balance, it never felt like a huge need.

All that changed with the baby. I now had a strong reason to get home on time, be more efficient at work, learn to prioritize my work projects, skip non-essential networking, and a lot more.

I was able to shift my routine to one where on most days I got home in time for my son’s bath and bed routine. This was our quality time together, and I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I learned to schedule my work commitments around my personal life rather than vice versa. I also realized no matter how senior one may be at the workplace, all good leaders will teach you that family always comes first.

While my work is absolutely important to me and I intend to shoot for great heights in my career, it became very clear that work was still a distant second priority to family.

We work to live and not live to work.

It Brought Tremendous Discipline to My Personal Routine

For the longest part during my college and work years, I had been the kind of person who slept anywhere between midnight and 2 am, if that, and woke up as late as possible. As hard as I tried and wanted to be a “morning person” I’d just fail miserably each time.

Having a baby took that option away, and as a result, I found myself in a much healthier and disciplined routine. I’d sleep anywhere between 10 pm and 11 pm, and be up between 6 am and 7 am because my son has always been an early riser.

This change really made my days more efficient, allowed more time in the day despite the much more hectic schedule with childcare duties. I was able to get a lot more done in the morning while my energy levels were still high. And while my night’s sleep was often broken due to frequent wake-ups to tend to the baby, I still got enough in terms of quality and quantity.

Everyone’s day, after all, has the same 24 hours, but having discipline around your routine can often unlock the potential of those 24 hours.

There was A New Social Aspect of My Life

You make a new set of friends when you change schools as a kid, then another in college and university, and at a new workplace, and so on.

An unexpected and surprising change that being a parent brought to our lives was that we got introduced to a whole new set of people — other parents. Right from the parenting classes during the pregnancy, to the sharing of best practices on social media groups, and then the playdates for the kids. You meet new people who are in similar stages in their personal lives and build a whole network around that commonality.

You even learn to connect at different levels with existing friends who are already parents, now that you have an additional common subject to talk about. As your kids go further, this only continues as your kids go to the same schools as some of your friends and colleagues, and you make new friends as a result of that as well.

Each new chapter of life brings with it a set of new connections and opportunities that may not be as apparent as you head into it.

Overall, I Graduated to New Levels Across Roles

As a result of all these changes and an accelerated rate of personal development, I was able to unlock new levels in my potential.

• I graduated from Partner to Co-Parent — Your relationship with your spouse grows tremendously when you become first-time parents together. My wife and I grew closer together having experienced the joy of being “creators” for the first time in our lives.
• I graduated to being a better Son — Our parents often remind us that we wouldn't understand their feelings truly until we have kids of our own. That sounds like a cliched statement but it cannot be more true. Once you start to see things from a parent’s perspective, your love, respect, and gratitude towards your own parents grow as well.
• I graduated to being a better Employee and Colleague — As my personality enhanced into all these new aspects, I was also a much more responsible, mature, compassionate, and efficient employee and a better teammate to my colleagues.
• I graduated into an upgraded Version 2.0 of Myself — I wasn’t sure what changes I’d have to make in this new chapter of life. But so far, in this journey of about 20 months, I’ve seen changes in myself that have pleasantly surprised me. I am definitely an improved version of my old self. And not to mention, the little and big joys of being a father can only truly be experienced and not expressed in words.