Why We Hate Our Childhood Memories?
Adulthood Problems Are Caused by a Traumatic Childhood
“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” — Oscar Wilde
There’s a dark history of families that’s never talked about, locked in some dark, locked closet maybe to protect family legacies, or sometimes unknowingly just exposed in public — Innocent children are (intentionally or unintentionally) exposed to childhood traumas or simply have to go through adverse childhood experiences, which end up influencing their emotions and intelligence as adults. Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, and those of the people around you.
Emotional intelligence is an essential component of success. There are 5-pillars of emotional intelligence identified by Daniel Goleman, an American Psychologist;
- Self-awareness.
- Self-regulation.
- Motivation.
- Empathy.
- Social skills.
Each of these pillars is an entirely new topic on its own and has a great influence on the way we face adulthood.
You’ve seen seen people who are bitter about everything
You’ve seen people who cry about any unfortunate incident
You’ve seen or heard of abusive partners in marriage
You know about the alcoholic who justifies everything about his drinking, probably there’s an alcoholic parent involved
We inherit key mental and behavioural traits from our childhood experiences.
Looking back at your childhood, can you identify something you probably missed in these five areas, something that still troubles you to date? Do you wish things could have been different?
Adulthood is a product of diverse infancy and childhood development.
For several people, the experience of childhood traumas culminates into distinct problems during their adult life. There are the toxic family challenges children have to face innocently, and the determined struggle to emerge from those deep-rooted family beliefs or dark histories.
Then there’s always the nudge to pivot the acquired moral virtues which stemmed from the whole mess which is growing up.
A number of people eventually turn out to be unbalanced, emotionally immature, and sometimes crazy, beautiful adults because of these early traumas.
Too Much and Never Enough — The Mary Trump Tell-All
I have just finished reading Mary L. Trump’s new tell-all book on the President of the United States, The Donald. Honestly, sometimes you can’t blame people for what they turn out to be.
A child goes through a lot of competing forces before they are eventually mature and strong enough to make their own decisions.
These imbalances come at a huge cost, making us less able to exploit some of our talents and opportunities, less able to lead full happy lives and sometimes a people of less fun to be around.
For instance, I have seen children struggle to be content with their alcoholic parents who instead provide abusive and disapproving environments.
The child looks up to their adult parents for support, approval, and recognition.
Sometimes, they are denied the environment of love, security and safety.
When they don’t get any, they end up seeking it by any means necessary, going to unnecessary lengths just to get some nod of approval from their parents or guardians. Our society labels such as attention-seekers.
Some nightmares of traumas, destructive relationships, and a tragic combination of neglect, alcohol and abuse, never leave the young mind of a child, and they are a barrier to key good things in life.
Some turn into garden-variety narcissists, providing their own levels of approval, people with weak, fragile egos which need to be bolstered every time.
They lead false lives with false egos. There are kids who cheat in school because their parents have been unimpressed by their ineptitude and they would just like to impress them.
Abusive marriages, drug abuse, instability, mental health issues, bitterness and anger, lack of trust, weak emotional regulation, immaturity, lack of confidence, Schizophrenia, PTSD, anxiety, and several other inefficiencies in life mostly stem from people’s upbringings.
These are warning signs and effects of early childhood trauma in adults.
I have read about men who lack confidence and have low self-esteem in life. They end up in boring jobs with no promotions, just stuck in the same abyss of an office and a job, because while growing up, nobody believed in them. They lacked strong role models and nobody recognized them. The women judge them harshly and prefer the stronger men. These men belittle themselves and live low lives because someone failed to appreciate them as children and provide a moral compass for confidence. Ultimately, we have a society of less successful men with innate mental health problems.
As a man, one of the most powerful pieces of power you could ever receive if you’re interested in becoming a far more attractive, higher value, better overall man, is achieved through CONFIDENCE.
Most men lead their lives below average, without that motivating thrust into better things in life, an inane inability to take big rewarding risks, because they lack a simple quality like confidence, which they missed in their life recipe as an ingredient while growing up.
The modern world has left no time for parents and the larger society to mould girls and boys into responsible adults.
In ancient African societies, there were specific forums of development for both boys and girls. Girls would be guided by their mothers and aunts, even older women in societies. Boys would have forums with their dads, uncles and particular councils of older men.
The end result was men who had a direction, men who knew when they had become adults and needed to take a sense of responsibility.
In modern times, we have even forgotten what it takes to be mature.
I recently asked a friend if he was feeling mature at his age and it took time to actually find an explanation for maturity. He didn’t know what it meant to be mature, and that is the world we’re living in. People have no basic tenets of growing up.
The end result is always people struggling with unknown mental health disorders and addictions caused by early traumas, unhealthy or avoidance of relationships altogether, and chronic illnesses.
We need to open up sometimes to counselling and mental health support. Young girls and boys need to have role models in life, someone they look up to.
Acknowledging that you are a victim and taking control of your life is the first step in seeking treatment for your past trauma.
Thoughts? Leave a comment below.
