Learning to write from pain/A writer’s life/Personal growth/How writing heals the soul

How Facing the Darkness of Our Thoughts Makes Us a Stronger Writer

Your story is your best story.

Every writer has that story of when they knew they needed to write. That feeling deep within their souls clamoring to come to fight the darkness and run towards the light.

There is a magical feeling when we put words to paper, opening the door we have kept locked for so long. Once open, the door will no longer shut. Every emotion, pain, sorrow, joy, and bliss come pouring out of the dark recesses where we safely put them.

My Story

I am no different. I began writing as a child to capture a moment so exceptional I wanted to use words to describe how it smelled and sounded so it would last long after it passed.

I wrote of nature, beauty, and love.

I did not write the dark feelings buried much deeper. The ones I kept hidden so well, I almost forgot they were there.

The mind is quite adept at giving us what we need at the correct time.

As I got older, my writing took on the form of observations of the people around me and their struggles. I wrote about my friend losing her mom to cancer. I wrote about individuals I did not even know but could observe their struggles and read the heartache in their faces.

But what I did not write about was my struggles.

But all that changed on one dark night when I had so much pain filling every crevice of my body it had nowhere to go. Overcome with grief and sorrow. My mind, heart, and body were drowning under the weight of what I was holding inside. I reached for my laptop began typing, and the words tumbled forth, pushed on by uncontrollable sobs.

I did not plan this. I did not even think I wanted this. My emotions found their identity in words and flowed onto the screen like a tsunami, knocking down all my walls and barriers as though they were made of straw.

I could see the words darkening page after page. But as the feelings came and the pages turned, I kept writing.

Eventually, the air started to clear. The dark storm was lifting and the light was peaking in between the lines on the pages.

“Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.” — William Wadsworth

Just like after a storm, where puddles form in all the low spots, I could see emotions; pain, hurt, fear, betrayal, all finding their puddle.

Each feeling became its own identity allowing me to process how it affected me and why. The how and why were like the sun and air to the puddle, giving it the attention it needs to be no more

What I went through that night was not just a breakdown of sorts but a breakthrough.

I went from drowning in my emotions to facing them and allowing them to see the light of day. They were no longer pulling me into the darkness but pushing me outward to face them and deal with them.

The emotions became clearer and distinct. I could identify them individually, and they were not nearly as imposing when looked at separately.

A weight I had been harboring for so long was suddenly easing. I peeled back my armor that night and let the writer in me process my emotions.

Your story

Being a writer is more than putting down words. It is releasing a part of ourselves into the world. It is how we cope, how we grow. It is intrinsic to us as breathing. It is not what we do but who we are.

When we explore our life from the inside, we gain an insight into the human psyche not everyone is afforded. We can appreciate the past, aspire to the future, confront the present, and recognize what it is and how it impacts our lives.

But it takes work and a willingness to confront things we may not even remember hiding away. We all have pain we put way in the back recess of our psyche where we can’t see it, and sometimes, we almost forget it’s there, almost.

No matter how long we have tucked these feelings away, they still define us and how we react to things. This affects our writing. If it is tucked away far enough, it is easy to look the other way when it crosses our paths, and then we are being dishonest in our writing.

It is hard. It is painful. But we must peel back the layers and see what damage has been done and where we go from here.

We learn valuable lessons and discover hidden answers, and sometimes we have more questions. But through it all, we grow and learn about ourselves and human nature and all this makes us better writers.

Our stories are everyone’s stories, and when we share them, we invite our readers to see themselves through our words. No experience is unique, but how we process and navigate a situation can reveal nuances or perspectives a reader may have previously not considered.

We must write what we know and don’t know. We must write about our longings, our fears, and our joys.

We must be willing to face the demons and show the world they do not define us. We must put ourselves to the test so we may bring light to someone else's darkness.

“I hope you will go out and let stories, that is life, happen to you, and that you will work with these stories from your life — not someone else’s life — water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom. That is the work. The only work.” ― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype

Find the key to that door and let the light in. Your writing and your spirit will thank you.

For what better story to tell than our own?