How Expectation Shapes Our Life

Expectations create our reality and change our future

This photo reminds me of my rural upbringing on a farm in Saskatchewan. For me it would have been a stretch of golden grain for as far as the eye could see, but this photo captures how my own youthful eyes symbolically saw life— with a defined and beautiful path carved out ahead of me.

When I grew up I had no idea that I would become an orchestra conductor. I had no idea that the path to this was almost impossible. I had no idea that there weren’t many women in the field. Or that it was a challenging profession. I just didn’t realize any of it.

I only had one thing. Expectation.

My expectation shaped how I thought and believed — and had enormous impact on my reality.

I think this is true for everyone — that our expectation shapes how we think, how we grow, and how we respond to what happens to us in life. We shape each step we take by expecting something and then it is that expectation that propels us in a direction.

As a kid I knew that I wanted to go somewhere big and exciting with my life — somewhere beyond the rural town of my childhood. I had a restless energy and a drive that propelled me to dream big. One day a mentor told me that he would “see me in Carnegie Hall someday” after hearing me play the piano. Although that idea seemed impossible to my 12-year old mind, it was exciting too, and I grabbed that dream and started walking on a path that leaned more towards expectation than doubt.

If I think back to it, I had expectations that were different from any other single individual in my community. They didn’t come from my family either. Where did I get the idea that I would go away and aspire to something that I knew nothing about?

The truth was that I would never make it to Carnegie Hall as a pianist. But my expectations propelled me to work hard, to practise hours every day, to aspire. And as it turns out, my path was never to be a pianist but to be a conductor instead. This realization didn’t happen all at once. It happened step by step, and it was at each step that I had an expectation for the next one.

I can see that, now, when I look back. Expectation was always there guiding or orchestrating each next “break”, each next opportunity, each next connection. Our successes come in small, authentic steps. We learn along the way. We can’t skip anything and we have to have patience.

But in each moment, we have an opportunity to see the potential or to focus on the doubt. I had plenty of reasons to focus on doubt. I should have focussed on doubt, because my path was infinitely doubtful. But I focussed on expectation and it took me on a surprising and extraordinary journey.

Most conductors come from backgrounds much more sophisticated than mine. They might have had parents who are musicians, or grown up hearing extraordinary orchestras. Alan Gilbert, for instance. Both of his parents play in the New York Philharmonic and Alan grew up in that environment, eventually becoming its Music Director from 2009–2017.

I didn’t have that, but perhaps I had another advantage that until now I hadn’t really considered much. In my small community I was surrounded by pride and support. I was made to believe that I was unique or talented. Once I got out into the bigger world, I quickly saw that there were thousands, millions even, of people more talented, more experienced, more whatever….than me.

But however naive, the power of expectation was always a part of each choice that I made. I expected to have an adventure in my life, and I did.

Wayne Gretzsky, the greatest hockey player of all time, grew up playing hockey in his own small town of Brantford, Ontario. His father Wally taught him and his siblings to play hockey on a backyard rink nicknamed the “Wally Coliseum”. Wally had big expectations for Wayne. How much did this shape Wayne’s views of himself as he was growing up?

Wayne’s greatest skills as a hockey player seemed to always be in his ability to have expectations for where the puck would go next. He always saw possibility.

Hockey and basketball are two sports where it doesn’t seem to matter where you start — success is possible no matter who you are and where you begin. Our society’s attitude accepts this. We all believe that hockey players can come from anywhere. Do we apply this to business, management, innovation, the arts, all endeavours? Do we keep expectation open to all possibility in all fields of endeavour, even our own? Or do we streamline what we think is possible and dismiss the rest?

Malcolm Gladwell’s fascinating book The Outliers questions the circumstances or reasons for success in a variety of stories. One of these stories is about hockey. Gladwell notes that of the hockey players that he studied, most of the highly successful ones came from the first three months of the year — January to March. He reasoned that perhaps it was because they were the older and more developed in comparison to the rest of the peers of the same calendar year. The younger kids born in October or November would be at a disadvantage in size or maturity to their older counterparts. These slightly older kids experienced greater successes — which perpetuated greater focus, support, opportunity, experience and, most importantly, belief along the way.

Just the simple expectation of possibility tilts our focus in that direction. Our intention focusses our awareness towards a goal. Expectation creates the goal. Our perception of possibility is our greatest chance for success in whatever we are trying for — day to day happiness, career success, personal fulfillment.

Belief is a powerful force. It’s the bridge between what we are and what we can be in any moment — no matter what happens to us or no matter where we come from. And it is belief that can empower us to reach the top potential of our capabilities.

We don’t have control over life. We don’t have the power to change circumstances, nature, or opportunity that is not ours to control. But we can perceive the world and see potential around us through the lens of our own expectation.

And through our expectation — we can shape our reality.