How Doing Things That Scare You Gives You More Confidence
Do things that scare you because you want to, not because you have to
“Wendy, it's time. You can do this”. Can I do this? Holy fu*%, I’m doing this.
My heart feels like it's going to thump right out of my chest.
I chose this. I must be mad.
“Step out onto the ledge of the wing, Wendy. When you let go, keep your head back and your body in a rigid X or you could tumble and lose control.”
Got it. Essentially, I will croak off if I don’t follow directions. Copy that.
I scootch onto the ledge of the wing, where there’s a tiny step for skydivers to reconsider their sanity. I steady myself on a rail-like contraption I grip for dear life.
It's up to me to let go and fall backward.
“1, 2, 3, 4, Go, Wendy!”
My adrenaline takes over, eff it, I’ve lived a good life.
With my limbs outstretched to the sky above, I fall backward.
The sky is a perfect robin’s egg blue, and for a few moments, time stops as I freefall to my fate.
“I love you, dad! I love you, mom! I love you, brother! Life is beautiful!”. I even send a shoutout to my cats.
Whatever god is, I feel it. I feel my mortality and my vitality combined. I feel powerful and powerless.
All of life seems to converge. Everything makes sense—profound peace.
I am terrified of heights…and I’m skydiving.
How often do you do things that scare you because you have to? Most likely, all the time. What about doing things that scare you because you want to? When you flip the script, you tell an entirely different story.
When you do something that scares you because you want to, everything changes.
Fear influences your life in devilish ways
You avoid doing things that scare you in the name of self-preservation. Survival is a primal instinct we share. You’re wired to respond to your limbic system, which acts as a custodian to self-preservation.
But humans have come a long way since we needed primal instincts to guide our day-to-day.
It’s human nature to fear what we don't know.
Yes, but what about the stuff you actively avoid?
Some examples
Maybe you avoid swimming in the ocean (you love to swim) because you think you’ll be shark dinner. Or you don't want to be seen in a swimsuit because you think you look fat.
Perhaps you’re lonely and would love to meet new people, but you avoid social situations because you get nervous and don't want to look stupid.
See where this is going? By themselves, they are relatively small things.
But the easier it is for you to make fear-based decisions, the easier it is to maintain the pattern. Soon, fear-based thinking becomes a lens all your thoughts filter through.
A scary thing I did because I wanted to
I went hiking in the jungles of Guatemala, where there was a temple with stunning views high above the jungle. I decided to challenge my fear of heights and climb that glorious temple in the sky.
Unknowingly, that's not all I signed up for.
A Scary thing I did because I had to
Our guide failed to mention a steep mountain along the way we needed to climb. He informed us nonchalantly as we approached the mountain, and the group trekked upwards without a second thought.
Fearing my death, I reluctantly stumbled up the mountain. My choice was to wait there, alone in the jungle, or climb.
I chose to climb.
Once we made it to the temple, my anxiety subsided. After I climbed the mountain, the temple was easy.
The view was worth it.
But the feeling of triumph I felt after doing it was worth far more than the view.
It turns out, what's on the other side of fear, is freedom.
Know the difference between doing things that scare you because you want to vs. because you have to
External challenges make us feel out of control. That’s how I felt staring up at the mountain. But when we initiate change on our own, things take on a different tone. Encouraging self-talk aids your process.
You broker confidence with yourself when you choose to do something that scares you, and that’s bold.
The world keeps you on your toes, but once you join in, the dynamic shifts in your favor.
When you push past your idea of what you think you can do, It has a domino effect. There’s a good chance you'll be inspired to push beyond more boundaries.
Weird but true.
It’s growth on your terms.
Fear has a seductive quality to it
Watch a James Bond film. How can you not want to jump into the excitement after watching Casino Royale? Imagine every molecule of your being buzzing with the fight, flight, or freeze response.
There's even a bit of science to back up why you might enjoy being scared. Yep. You read that right.
Researcher Dr. Christopher Dwyer, of the National University of Ireland, says:
Many of us are actually seeking “controlled” fear and suspense because we know we are safe. When we get scared, we experience a rush of adrenaline and a release of endorphins and dopamine. The biochemical rush can result in a pleasure-filled, opioid-like sense of euphoria. Coupled with this, when we are reminded of our safety (i.e., the safety net), the experience of fear subsides, and we are left with a gratifying sense of relief and subsequent well-being.
Change your mindset, and it changes you
When you step up to the plate and declare, “I am fear-stricken by heights, and I’m going to jump out of a plane,” everything changes.
Most notably, your perspective. Even something like making it through a haunted house can feel like you’ve conquered a beast.
Doing things that scare you puts you in touch with your primal nature. And with the right mindset, can be a game-changer.
Most people have no idea what they are capable of until they are faced with surprise circumstances. Why not fortify your camp so you know what you're made of?
Side-effects of doing stuff that scares the sh#% out of you
- Self-awareness
- Feeling more alive
- Clarity and Inspiration
- Trust in yourself
- Confidence
All good things, right? Yep, pretty much.
Your life is a manifestation of where you grow your focus
While your fear of something or a situation seems small, over time, it grows bigger. Managing your fears is the sweet spot.
I avoided blogging for years because I thought it would be a troll-fest. It’s been 7 months and not one troll. Now I see it was a silly fear, but it was real for me, just the same.
When you familiarize yourself with an unknown thing, fear has a way of dissolving. Or at least it no longer holds reign over you like it used to.
The tricky thing is you have to discover the validity of this truth for yourself.
Final thoughts
Getting to know the boundaries and limitations of your mind is a journey only you can take. Doing things that scare you because you want to is a powerful way to change your outlook and gain confidence.
Choose something that eats away at you. Consider facing it and then do it.
The other side of fear is freedom. All you have to do is jump.
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