How Does Social Comparison Shape Our Self-Image?

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Abstract

When Dyano was diagnosed with Autism, I must admit that a thing I thought was, “How will he fit into this world obsessed with comparison?” Even when I know better. Because why the hell should he fit into it anyway? Why should any of us? F*ck fitting in. Our self-image shouldn’t be some kind of weird Frankenstein’s monster stitched together from Insta selfies and Facebook life updates.And hey, quitting Facebook and Instagram? I even talked with my grandma about it today. You know what? Best decision ever. I didn’t just log off. Nope, walked right out of the building. Why?Because I don’t need a damn newsfeed to tell me how to measure my life.I’ve got an awesome lil’ man who sees the world in ways I can’t even fathom, a lovely daughter who reminds me daily that joy doesn’t come from likes or shares, and a partner who’s seen me at my worst and still thinks I’m kinda cool. Hey, that’s my metric right there!I don’t remember which writer it was exactly, but recently I read a story from someone who mentioned Mark Manson’s “Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.” Here’s my take: it’s about choosing what to give a f*ck about. And I’m pretty damn sure that’s the message Manson’s trying to convey as well.I give a f*ck abou # Options t being a good dad, a supportive partner, a kickass IT specialist, and a writer who tells it like it is.Here’s a radical idea: What if we all stopped giving a f*ck about how our lives look to others? Don’t forget, the Gram is full of curated shit.What if we started living for the messy, silly, imperfect, weird, crazy, but damn beautiful reality of our own experience of life? The chaos of life with kids, the satisfaction of solving complex stuff at work, the thrill of a well-crafted sentence, writing an article that resonates and is absurdly relatable, and the simple joy of a dog’s wagging tail, right <a href="undefined">R C Hammond</a>?Social comparison? It’s a game you can’t win and one you shouldn’t even play. Because there’s always someone with a ‘better’ job, a bigger house, a more “perfect” family. But the funny thing is that they’re probably looking at your life thinking the same damn thing (or someone else’s).I think our self-image should be shaped by OUR values, OUR passions, OUR struggles, OUR triumphs — not by some f*cked up social scoreboard.Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a life to live — off the ‘gram, away from the feed, and smack in the middle of my own beautifully imperfect reality. :)</article></body>

Navigating the Era of Endless Comparisons

Generated via DALL-E 3.

“F*ck the Joneses.”

That’s right. I said it. Let’s cut through the BS. I keep asking myself why the hell so many of us are obsessed with social media highlight reels. Like we’re constantly sizing up our lives against an airbrushed version of someone else’s.

Why does the majority of the online mankind not see what they’re actually doing? “Let’s run a race we didn’t even sign up for!” Weird, isn’t it? And besides that — it’s exhausting too.

I have lived in Roosendaal (Netherlands) since 2012 and yeah, I’ve seen the best and worst of life. Losing my mom to cancer when I was just 18? That was a bloody gut punch that taught me life doesn’t give a damn about fairness. But then there are the highs like the birth of my kids Dyano and Mila, and the backbone support from my girlfriend Chantal. Life’s a rollercoaster and social media isn’t much of a safety harness — it’s the damn loop-the-loop.

When Dyano was diagnosed with Autism, I must admit that a thing I thought was, “How will he fit into this world obsessed with comparison?” Even when I know better. Because why the hell should he fit into it anyway? Why should any of us? F*ck fitting in. Our self-image shouldn’t be some kind of weird Frankenstein’s monster stitched together from Insta selfies and Facebook life updates.

And hey, quitting Facebook and Instagram? I even talked with my grandma about it today. You know what? Best decision ever. I didn’t just log off. Nope, walked right out of the building. Why?

Because I don’t need a damn newsfeed to tell me how to measure my life.

I’ve got an awesome lil’ man who sees the world in ways I can’t even fathom, a lovely daughter who reminds me daily that joy doesn’t come from likes or shares, and a partner who’s seen me at my worst and still thinks I’m kinda cool. Hey, that’s my metric right there!

I don’t remember which writer it was exactly, but recently I read a story from someone who mentioned Mark Manson’s “Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.” Here’s my take: it’s about choosing what to give a f*ck about. And I’m pretty damn sure that’s the message Manson’s trying to convey as well.

I give a f*ck about being a good dad, a supportive partner, a kickass IT specialist, and a writer who tells it like it is.

Here’s a radical idea: What if we all stopped giving a f*ck about how our lives look to others? Don’t forget, the Gram is full of curated shit.

What if we started living for the messy, silly, imperfect, weird, crazy, but damn beautiful reality of our own experience of life? The chaos of life with kids, the satisfaction of solving complex stuff at work, the thrill of a well-crafted sentence, writing an article that resonates and is absurdly relatable, and the simple joy of a dog’s wagging tail, right R C Hammond?

Social comparison? It’s a game you can’t win and one you shouldn’t even play. Because there’s always someone with a ‘better’ job, a bigger house, a more “perfect” family. But the funny thing is that they’re probably looking at your life thinking the same damn thing (or someone else’s).

I think our self-image should be shaped by OUR values, OUR passions, OUR struggles, OUR triumphs — not by some f*cked up social scoreboard.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a life to live — off the ‘gram, away from the feed, and smack in the middle of my own beautifully imperfect reality. :)