How Does It Feel to Be on Your Own
“When you ain’t got nothing, you got nothing to lose.”
Those words from Bob Dylan’s Like a Rolling Stone resonated with me in 1965 and continue to lift me up when hard times return.
More so now as this seismic shift erupts on our planet.
Confronting strange days
The shutdown of countries, economies and livelihoods has a major impact on everyone. Irrespective of social, economic or cultural status, nobody’s immune to the desolation and devastation this shadowy specter causes to our way of life.
What was familiar has become a wistful memory.
The unfamiliar enters uninvited, suitcases packed with stories of unemployment, evictions, food shortages. Other parcels full of people helping others — supporting, loving and compassionate.
For me a strange case of déjà vu as I see the world experiencing a change in lifestyle which mirrors how I’ve been living for three years — no job, no transport, surviving yet thriving in social isolation in a ramshackle but rent-free cottage in the country.
I can empathize with the massive disruption to your way of life.
How much easier after my past struggles to identify with those feelings of despair and helplessness that landed unbidden at my door when I lost my job, had to sell the car and later, as we ran out of money, teetered on the edge of homelessness.
That scared me shitless.
That may be where you are right now.
But it’s not forever.
Making do with less
I refused to grovel in self-pity.
Once we settled in, I envied those who were free to drive anywhere they pleased on a weekend — friends, a movie, restaurant, sports match or concert. And a job to go to on weekdays.
My determination to create a new life has never wavered, though it may have gone AWOL every so often. I’m grateful for what each day brings — companionship, shelter, food on the table, birdsong and mountains. Away from the urban rush.
What could I build with the tools at my disposal? An education, a good command of English, a laptop, an internet connection and a lifetime of experiences.
My first project was writing a book on Depression, having been on that road to hell and back four times.
Researched how to put it together. Outlined ideas and structured them into sections. Ended up six months later with 13 Chapters and 30,000 words!
The draft is now gathering dust because while editing, Medium found me.
Moving into uncharted lands
I didn’t go looking for a blogging platform but in February 2018 I received an email that said “Congrats You have 10 Fans.”
Huh?
Turns out in my cyberspace wanderings, I’d made a comment on a website months before and forgotten about it.
It was Medium.
And I had 11 followers.
I turned my attention to improving my writing skills here and after much hesitation,
Shaky finger hovering over Publish, my first story appeared in April.
What an adrenaline rush for an introvert!
I continued reading and publishing but didn’t lock my stories until I joined the Partner Program in late September 2018.
Within two days a large publication sent me a Private Note inviting me to join them. When I saw I had to send them an Author Bio, I disappeared back into my rabbit hole in panic.
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” -Socrates
Eighteen months later
What a glorious journey this has been.
I’ve grown in a million ways. Opened my wings. My confidence has soared.
I’m not afraid to reveal the real me and experiment with writing on different topics. Contributing to 23 publications! Enjoying the warm glow of curated stories and top writer status; though the light has dimmed lately.
I moved from 11 to 2.3 k followers in 18 months!
Engaging with writers and readers here on Medium has taught me tons of amazing, magnificent people abound in this world.
I still pinch myself to check I’m not dreaming.
Change is inevitable
It’s natural to feel vulnerable and insecure but breathe into those emotions, embrace, don’t suppress them.
You may lose “things” but in doing so will find your Self again, as I did.
This isn’t the first time I’ve adjusted to living on and with less.
“If you can’t fly, then run. If you can’t run, then walk. If you can’t walk, then crawl. But whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward” -Martin Luther King Jr.
I look back on that day in March 2017 when my boss told me she was not renewing my employment contract. I wanted to disappear into a black hole.
But because I’d risen above adversity before, I knew I could do it again. It was damn hard, but I’ve adapted.
As long as I breathe, I will never give up.
I’m living proof of what’s possible.
The power of community
We now have a common enemy that unites humanity.
This is an opportunity unlike ever before in human history. A reminder that love and compassion are the centerpiece of a meaning-filled life which brings us together.
I am so blessed to know you are part of this — you remind me I’m not alone.
I have made incredible friends here who support and encourage me to keep going, to carry on writing. One day we’ll meet in the flesh!
“Let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.” Kahlil Gibran.
Forgive me if your name doesn’t appear here — I love everyone!
Susan Brearley; Dr. Christine Bradstreet 🌴; Michelle Monet; Agnes Louis; Selma; Bridget Webber; Helen Cassidy Page; Sherry McGuinn; P.G. Barnett; Xavier Van Holde; Sylvia Wohlfarth; Roz Warren; Randy Shingler; Bebe Nicholson; Frank McKinley; Celine Lai; Marie T Smith; Barry Davret; Lisa Tomey; Robert Locke; Lee Serpa Azevado; Jesse Wilson; Ida Adams; Charlene Fate; Stephen Sovie; Edith Tollschein; Marla Bishop; Chris Hedges 🦄; Simran Kankas; James Knight; Elle Rogers; Sam H Arnold; Mark Starling
I’ll leave you with Whitney Houston & Mariah Carey singing When You Believe live from the 71st Annual Academy Awards, 1999
Thanks for being you!
PS: A day later.
I invite you to write about something that was once familiar now being a wistful memory. From the responses I’ve received so far, I suspect you have a story to share!
(A big thank you to Marla Bishop for the suggestion!)
