How Does It Feel Like To Grow Up In Two Very Different Cultures?

You learn from an early age how to adapt to each of the cultures.

My parents are from Sierra Leone in West Africa. When I was 9, we moved to Geneva, Switzerland. At a reputable private international school there I experienced horrendous bullying and racism.

I was made to feel by some of the children there that because I was black, I was inferior. I dreaded going to school. There, I was a victim of constant verbal abuse including emotionally hurtful and despicable racial slurs.

Strong sense of self

You might think that all I endured would have totally destroyed me. The fact is that it didn’t. I never let racism erode my strong sense of self. It isn’t easy to remain stoic when one is constantly subject to bullying and discrimination day in day out.

And I won’t lie to you, it was hard to endure, but never once did I wish I was a different color. Never once did I wish I was white to fit in with everybody else. I was proud and still am very proud of being black. I do need to pause here to say: “Wakanda Forever”.

I was aware of black excellence

I think that the reason I didn’t internalize racism or express any form of shame or hatred about my skin color was because of my family — especially my mother, who strongly reinforced my Sierra Leonean and African identity.

I knew where I came from in the world — it was known as the Athens of West Africa with the reputable Fourah Bay College — the first and most prestigious university in the region.

Sierra Leone was an independent nation built by intelligent and innovative black people. I knew black excellence — I had lived in black excellence, I knew that black people were capable of greatness.

Home was my safe place

No amount of racism or bullying or emotional suffering could ever erase that. My mother, herself a brilliant electrical engineer was a constant reminder of black excellence. I already knew from the womb, that we black people were not inferior.

Every day without fail, as soon as I crossed the front door into our apartment in Geneva, upon coming back from school, I was back in Sierra Leone.

I ate Sierra Leonean food, braided my hair into the latest trendy styles, and listened to Sierra Leonean music. The beat was always inebriating, captivating, joyful, and uplifting.

Sierra Leone was every and all things to me

I was fervently patriotic, I sang my national anthem proudly, my right palm planted firmly on the upper left-hand corner of my chest. I upheld Sierra Leonean culture, values, and traditions with voracious longing and vibrant intensity.

I also worked hard to gain fluency in Krio — the Lingua Franca in West Africa spoken by many people in Sierra Leone and the language in which we communicated with friends and family.

I even listened to BBC Radio World Service’s African segment — just like we did every evening while we lived back in Sierra Leone when I was younger. Indeed, when I crossed the front door into that apartment at the end of an emotionally traumatic day, I felt happy, loved, and back in my beloved Africa.

Summer holidays in Sierra Leone

During the long summer school holidays, my mother would take us back to Sierra Leone for months on end. I felt it was her way of ensuring we didn’t forget our country, our family, our language, ourselves, our real home.

Indeed, those summers spent in Freetown forged my sense of identity and an even stronger sense of belonging to Sierra Leone. It was and still remains the place where I feel most at home, where I know without a shadow of a doubt, I belong.

Two very different cultures

Growing up across both European and African cultures wasn’t easy though. I had to constantly remember the codes of each culture and adapt my behavior accordingly.

For example, in Sierra Leone, you refer to your parent’s friends as your aunties and uncles as a sign of respect. In Switzerland however, you address your parent’s friends by their first names. So indeed a very different set of rules. In Sierra Leone, you did not challenge your elders, in Switzerland you could.

The inherent superpowers of multicultural children

Multicultural kids have a special skill of being able to quickly switch back and forth in their minds to adapt to different situations. Sometimes it even goes so far as to change the way you speak or your accent to seamlessly fit into the culture you are with at the moment.

My kids often say I either have a Sierra Leonean, Swiss, or Canadian accent depending on whom I am speaking to. It’s interesting to see how much cultural adaptability is ingrained within me — it’s as though it were one of my limbs.

Challenges of growing up in two cultures

Some of the challenges I faced growing up across two cultures are things that may sound silly today but meant a lot to me at the time.

There were things like sleepover parties that my mother would never let me go to. For her, sleeping at someone else’s place meant that you thought your house wasn’t good enough. It was like begging others for food and shelter. Try as I may, I and neither my sisters after me were ever able to convince her otherwise. We were never able to go to any of those.

And then there was the whole issue around swimming. Swimming is not a thing in Sierra Leone due to the population’s belief in Mami Wata — an evil goddess who drags anyone crazy enough to venture into water to their death.

Learning to swim much later

So, unlike most Swiss children, I didn’t learn how to swim early. At age 16 however, my sisters and I pooled our babysitting money and hired a swimming teacher. Needless to say, we did so behind my mother’s back. Today, I am an excellent swimmer.

And then there was dating. My mother simply didn’t want to hear about it. For her it was clear, I had to focus on my studies. Boys were too much of a distraction and could wait. But at 16, high on Mills and Boons and Barbara Cartland romance novels, all I wanted to do was meet my Prince Charming.

I wanted to have freedom

While I enjoyed Sierra Leonean culture, as I grew older, I found it restricted me from doing certain things that Swiss teenagers openly engaged in. I wanted to go to sleepovers, party until dawn, have a boyfriend, and swim in beautiful Lake Geneva. I wanted to be free, but Sierra Leonean culture was rather conservative, especially went it come to young girls. I believe that boys had much more freedom to roam.

As a teenager, I got increasingly frustrated and felt locked up in the apartment. From one day to the next, it had moved from being a safe haven to a prison cell. I yearned to go out and experience the world. I was after all in Switzerland, not in Sierra Leone.

Teenage uprising

My mum and grandmother threatened to send me to boarding school in Sierra Leone to straighten me up. The simple thought of being away from my family scared me at first and I behaved for a short while. But at age 16, all the frustration and rage soon came rushing out of me and I rebelled.

I met my Prince Charming and as teenage love stories usually go, we never wanted to leave each other’s side. I began to go out more, and as I did, the world became bigger, more exciting, and equally enticing. I yearned to discover it more, to travel, to be free.

Cautious and sensible rebellion

I didn’t rebel to the point of doing drugs and alcohol though. Somehow I instinctively knew those were rabbit holes I didn’t want to go down.

Maybe also because I knew that there was a double standard whereby white society was concerned. My white friends would easily get away with mistakes of youth, while I, a black teenager would probably get in trouble with law enforcement and get expelled from the country. That was a line I refused to cross. I did not want to jeopardize my future.

Striking a balance between both cultures

Today, I still live in Switzerland. I have managed to strike a balance in my life between both Swiss and Sierra Leone cultures. I couldn’t only embrace one of my cultures and neglect the other. I am both Sierra Leonean and Swiss. I like both a scrumptious plate of Jollof Rice like I like a good cheese fondue or raclette.

I’m proficient in French — the language that is spoken in Geneva, as I am in Krio — so all my efforts to learn the language paid off in the end. I find both countries to be stunningly beautiful with their majestic mountains and picturesque lakes.

I love the culture and traditions in both countries. I especially love the fact that I get to pick and chose what parts of both countries I chose to uphold in my daily life. In my heart and mind, I am from here and I am from there, I am from everywhere.

You can sucessfully inhabit two cultures or more

So yes, it is possible to grow up across two cultures and even more, I would add. Of course, it takes some adjustments but at the end of the day, isn’t that what life is all about? Constantly adjusting to new situations, maintaining a form of mental agility at all times?

I have managed to reconcile both cultures into one being: me. Now the challenge that lies ahead is ensuring that my mixed-race children also grow up learning about and accepting Sierra Leone and the African side of their heritage as they do Switzerland. For the time being, it’s off to a good start — so I’m pretty optimistic that I’ll succeed.

Thanks for reading my perspective.