Third in a series

How Do You Teach the Lessons of Life When You Are Gone?

A letter about money written to my grandchild for her eighteenth birthday

This is one of a series of letters I wrote to my granddaughter when she was six to be read on her eighteenth birthday. I hope to be there for that big event… but in a world of uncertainty, and being a guy of a certain age, there are no guarantees of a tomorrow, which prompted this letter and the many others to her containing thoughts on life, love and finding your way as a young woman in this sometimes hard life.

My life has been a wondrous journey. I have been privileged to work with thousands of young adults trying to find their place and way forward in the world and I have learned much from them. Their struggles and lessons are things we can all learn from, especially one who just turns eighteen and is facing her own path forward.

This wisdom of the years is something I want to share with my granddaughter, but I may not be there for her as the person she might need to help her find her way, but my words can carry the love and hope I have for her and her future.

In case I am not there to sit and talk about the big issues of life, I wrote these letters to her in the hope my hard acquired lessons of life might ease her journey when she is old enough to understand and perhaps learn from what I have left her.

The meaning of money

My dearest Granddaughter,

Money is a tool that provides safety and comfort for some people, or is something that is never understood and will remain a source of eternal frustration for others for their entire life. The difference between these opinions, and your personal understanding and relationship with money, is rooted in how you think about what money is and how it works.

Your feelings about money will also change as you age, gain education, start a family, perhaps start your own business or simply try and live each day. Learn this first about money: you don’t need huge amounts to achieve happiness, but you need enough to chase your dreams.

From my experience as a person who grew up poor and later became successful in business, money is a tool few people can discuss without elevating themselves to a high level of emotion, and while so much is written about money, there are relatively few people who will ever be in your life who will be able to guide you and teach you about what money does and how it works.

Money was something our family had very little of when I was a child, and the lack of money prevented my mother from living life as she would have dreamed of and from chasing her own passions. When you don’t have much, everything goes into keeping the family going and this is how my mother lived for most of her early life, which didn’t leave much for doing what she wanted or needed in her life.

As with most mothers, the needs of the family outweigh the needs of one’s self. Despite this obvious stressful issue in our family that caused so much pain and anxiety for all of us through those years, I never had a formal discussion about money with anyone until I was out of college and on my own.

You will find that the people who understand money the least will be the ones who gather so little of it and those who seek knowledge about how money works in the world will most likely be the ones in your life who will accumulate money over time. What is confusing to many people is that those who have little money also are the ones who have the strongest opinions about it.

You will often find that this group’s rigid viewpoints are usually obvious excuses to explain why they have never achieved financial success of any kind. Always remember that money is not the most important thing in the world…until you don’t have any when you most need it, and at that point you realize money is a valuable tool that enables you to meet the most basic obligations of your life and beyond.

Money is not really hard to make and almost anyone with a little creativity, and who is willing to get up and go to work, can earn money, and in fact most people will consistently make money in their lives, but the skill and the art is learning how to accumulate it

There are a lot of misconceptions about money you will have to deal with throughout your life, and all of these misconceptions stem from people who badly manage what they earn or who under earn based upon the talent they possess. These cultural fallacies and false assumptions become reality for many people and if you are not careful you can become trapped into believing things that may damage you and your family for years.

First of all, money is not evil as many poorer people declare it to be, although you will also hear this often shouted by young idealistic people who have yet to create anything or who have not yet started their life’s journey beyond being a student.

Money that you earn yourself through your own hard work, or by your own intellect, is something to be proud of in your life and represents a personal achievement that will set you apart from so many others.

The “money is evil” thought often comes from the belief that people who make money have done so by exploiting others or who have somehow gained what they have in an unfair method. Many of the wealthiest people in the world have made their fortunes honestly by their dedication to what they have created and the pursuit of businesses that represent their personal passion.

These people are the ones who create jobs and wealth for others and who are also the ones who give so much back to help others through charities and donations. These people are the drivers of the world and what they create allows others to live better lives. There are, of course, people in the world who have made money by hurting others, but they are few in reality and pale in comparison to those who have spent their lives chasing their own dreams and carrying along the thousands who benefit and profit from their efforts.

Money to me, once I was old enough to ask questions of those who had been successful, and once I matured enough to understand how money works, only has one purpose…and that purpose is freedom. Simply put, money is freedom and allows you to live life on your own terms.

People who are bad with money often spend their lives under the control of others. These people become trapped in jobs they hate, working for people they don’t respect or doing work that devalues them. Without money, these people can’t move, change jobs or seek something better since they live payday to payday and never acquire enough in their lives to give them the freedom to make their own decisions.

Living life on your own terms is the greatest achievement you will ever reach. You do not have to be rich to experience this, but you do have to reach a sophisticated enough level with money where you can live within your own means while always being able to create enough money in your life to keep those dreams going.

Money used to mean the accumulation of “things” and many people who are weak with money use it to buy temporary happiness. Feel bad about yourself, have a bad day at work or in your relationship, and then go spend money you haven’t yet earned.

This will buy a few minutes of happiness for some people, but over time living this way just leads to greater debt and a deeper trap that you will have to at some point escape from if you want to achieve true peace in your life.

The culture in our country started to change for the better when you were just a little girl. People started to think of money not as a tool to accumulate more stuff that eventually fails to deliver any type of true happiness, but as a way to gain experiences in their lives.

For example, someone who might buy a new car every few years became a person who would drive his car for a few years longer and then take the money saved and go on a vacation of lifetime, go back to school, experience a few months off from a job, try a new career or acquire a new skill or life adventure that would live in his head forever.

This style has always been part of my belief system. I always believed you could make money and still seek a lifestyle based upon adventures and living life within your own rules. The businesses I have owned, and the way I have led my life, was always designed to allow me to move where I wanted, take winters off and ski, take days off and ride my bike or play golf and, in other words, do it my way without the restraints of a boss or someone else who controlled my choices.

One of the most important things I could teach you here is that you should seek a way to make a living that allows you to chase your passion in your work, but also allows you to live a full, creative life now and not wait for some mythical time in the future when you might retire to realize your dreams and then be too old to enjoy the adventures that define your life.

You might find, as your grandmother and I did, that creating your own business is the avenue to deliver your freedom. Creating your own dream, building something of value and then watching it grow and prosper is one of the more satisfying things a human can do in life, but only if it is your dream and only if starting a business becomes something important to you.

The alternative to starting your own business would be to find a career that motivates you and you might find your passion as a schoolteacher, nurse, doctor or as the president of a huge technology company. You can be almost anything you can imagine if you want it badly enough, but always make sure you are living and chasing your dream and no one else’s.

There will also always be those who feel that you have to give your money away to help those who never succeeded in their own lives. Some people will deserve your help financially, and you will find that special charity or cause that will speak to your heart and that you might help support through your efforts.

Pick carefully and be willing to help those that truly need the help, but be reluctant to help those who are unwilling to stand up and attempt to take care of themselves. There have always been since the beginning of time people who don’t deserve your help since they fail to help themselves, but are more than willing to live and take from those who have gentle hearts.

There is another old saying that applies here too: you can help a lot more people, and change a lot more lives, with a million dollars in the bank than you can with $100. This also applies to those who feel money is something evil and that people with money don’t, or won’t, help those in need. Make your money, but share it carefully and only with those who need your help, but do share what your create because it becomes your duty once you make money to help those that can’t help themselves.

But there are always going to be too many people who want to live off of your efforts and the efforts of those who have the willingness to work hard and the mind and creativity to achieve wealth.

Beware of those people. I have always enjoyed helping people who have needed the help, and who can’t help themselves through the tough times in their lives, but I have avoided those who feel they are entitled to your money simply because they are not willing to do the work it takes to obtain success. Help people and make helping a part of your life forever, but remember that wanting is not the same as needing and pick carefully who you help and why.

So how do you accumulate money? Many people who work for others can save large amounts of money, giving them the freedom to do the work they love and live where they want, by learning to live within their means.

There are literally thousands of books written on this, but every one of them can be reduced to this simple thought: spend less than you earn. In other words, learn to save a certain percentage of what you make each time you get paid and put it way with the thought that once it is saved it stays saved forever.

Of course you will at times use this money to take a few months off to go explore Europe or to go back to school or whatever else becomes your dreams and passions, but saving with the thought of never spending is a powerful mindset that will serve you well.

There is no magic formula for saving money, but the old adage is that if it doesn’t hurt then it isn’t enough. Saving about 25 percent of what you make first, before any other bills are paid, would take care of you forever and it the place to start your thoughts when you get those first checks. Yes, I know that the mall is calling, but save the 25 percent first and then enjoy the rest.

Finally, most people are lazy about money and end up trusting people who will take what you have earned and ruin what you have achieved. You must, and the word “must” is emphasized here, learn enough about money so you never fall prey to those who look for the lazy, the stupid and the inept who earn money, but who have never learned how to invest it or keep it. Spend some serious time learning, ask questions of those who have made and kept their money and only trust people with your money that are proven to be good at protecting what you have earned.

Remember, no matter what you hear over the years, money only has one purpose and that purpose, again, is to gain the power to live life on your own terms by achieving a freedom to take risk, do the work that only makes you happy and live where you want and when you want.

Love you forever and a day my child