How Do You Talk to Yourself?
A look at Personal Narrative and how we tell our stories, especially to ourselves
I overcame 33 years of PTSD, 27 years of addiction, homelessness, and incarceration by changing my Personal Narrative. It requires hard work, a willingness to hurt, and a fair amount of desperation, but I can tell you it is a gauntlet worth running.
Once Upon A Time…
I come from pretty rough beginnings. I put a link to that story here. I used drugs, alcohol, sex, acting out, and who knows how many other “things” to avoid my past and validate my present. You see I used the story linked above to define who I was.
I lived my entire life around the Personal Narrative that I am rape, I am abuse, I am neglect, which led to my self-talk, I’m worthless, fat, ugly, unloveable, junkie, and so many other terrible things. Things I would kill a stranger for saying, not really, just saying.
So this is the person that I projected to the world. A sad, pathetic, unloveable junkie. Not worthy of love or empathy, unable to really show up in life because I could not see past my Personal Narrative.
I was stuck, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. My story was a loop of abuse, neglect, and disappointment. I was viewing the world through very dark and lonely eyes, unable to see past my own subjective story as told by a child.
Objectivity Saved My Life
My story was narrated by a hurt, frightened little boy who found only pain, ridicule, and neglect from those who were supposed to love and protect him. As long as that scared little boy had the wheel, I would never be able to grow.
I am a firm believer in the “Evolve or Die!!!” philosophy because that is what my life and experiences have shown me to be true.
I also believe there are 2 absolutes that no one can avoid,
Death & Change.
No matter who you are, these truths hold self-evident. Change is inevitable and all humans die, at least the Meat Suit dies.
What if instead of telling your story from the perspective of the “Victim” or “Survivor” you told your story from the perspective of an impartial, objective third party?
How would an unbiased, uninvolved, completely detached person tell your story?
These are the questions I started with, but my musings and ponderings began to take form into a real plan of action. In my journaling, I began to really look at my motives for keeping my narrative for all those years. That story’s here.
Let’s Get Theoretical For Just A bit
If Quantum Theory is correct, which I believe it to be, then all time is co-occurring. Your past, present, and future are all happening right now — at least in your mind.
What if you could energetically, protect your “past” self by sending love, compassion, and strength to them? Well, I’m here to tell you that you absolutely can.
We as a people have lost our connection to our planet, to each other, and sadly, ourselves.
We turn outward to prescriptions, alcohol, drugs, sex, the list goes on and on. There is a Zen saying…
“If you don’t go within, you will go without”
We are all connected energetically. Your heart alone creates a magnetic field that is like a three-foot bubble around us. This is why Grounding is such an amazing thing because we are literally connecting our energy to the Earth.
When we are around people and we know instinctively that their mood has changed, it is because we feel the change. Our highest selves are letting us know that this person is in need.
This is why I love Ho’oponopono and Energy Healing. I can just sit with my clients and as they tell their stories I can ask their guides for permission and help to expedite the healing process both with the person I am working with and myself.
How Can I Be True to You if I’m Not True to Me?
My self-talk has evolved because the story that I narrate is nothing like the stories that scared, hurt little child inside created. Today I weave the tale of the life I love and use my back story to help others who are suffering from trauma.
Everyone who is, has, or ever will be alive all start with the same thing, A life worth dying for…
What are you doing with yours?
As always, be well…
~Namaste
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